To think I’m not a nice person?

I agree that there is probably an element of self preservation going on. If you are overwhelmed and running on empty then kindness and empathy may slide a bit. We all understand this when someone that is financially struggling can't necessarily donate money to charity if they don't have the financial capacity to do so. Not everyone has the capacity emotionally or energy wise to always do the 'kind' thing. It's why you see people behave incredibly badly after a bereavement or at times of high stress.

I think it is far more kind and empathetic to attempt to understand where people are coming from rather than rush to condemn them.

I agree with you op, you clearly are a selfish person but most people are.

U sound like an arsehole

I don’t think you are a horrible person. A couple of these examples are a bit odd but overall you are just being honest

I agree with your OP, sorry, it does sound as though you don’t have normal human empathy. I too would consider sociopathy or psychopathy.

Also, the poster who said experiment with just actively being a bit nicer (letting people go past you if they need it more, smiling at people in the street, etc) and see how it makes you feel. You may find it becomes easier to do over time as it is rewarding to feel like your behaving nicely to others / you get small signs of engagement and acknowledgement in return. Having kids made me do this more and I definitely found it was a self reinforcing activity - if mainly because its lovely having small kids who smile all the time and say hi to people on the street.

You sound delightful OP.....

Totally unnecessary and unkind response. Hopefully the poster doesn’t give a fig what a stranger thinks

I agree with the problems of over-medicalisation, diagnosing social traits as illness. However, the study of human behaviour needs such language to provide labels and descriptors. Intervention then has a framework to follow. This might range from self-help through coaching to clinical treatment. Each label you mention is a spectrum, a scale. We can think of a cut-off point at which they become clinically significant and can be called a diagnosis. That cut-off point can vary by individual, eg correlating with other scales like happiness or social functioning. Take body temperature for example. A degree up for a day might go unnoticed. Higher or longer requires investigation to exclude sinister causes. Comorbid symptoms means intervention. But it’s all pyrexia.

If there was a scale from 1-10 of "niceness" at 10 vs selfishness at 1 I would say I'd probably put you on 4 - you don't sound actively mean i.e. you know not to tell someone they should just get over losing their pet. However, no one I'm friends with is someone who would do all those things / feel as little sympathy as you describe either (to be fair I'd only put myself at a 7 on that scale and have no problem killing spiders, but most my friends are probably 8+ as I personally find empathy an attractive feature in friends). I'd add that most people I know (and definitely me) became more empathetic as they grew out of the teenage years (where you are inherently quite selfish) so there is probably something to what people said about the situations you have been in recently not bringing out the best in you - I've had that in past and my friends usually pointed it out to me quite firmly :)

Some people on this thread have just been downright nasty op, please ignore. It just proves who they are, being the nasty, vile ones and name calling. Threads like this can sometimes become like a school playground.

You Have been brave posting, and the fact you are acknowledging your behaviours and want to change puts you far ahead of most of the vile posts on here.

OP doesn’t have NPD or is a sociopath based on what she has told us. These conditions always show up much earlier in life and OP stated she used to feel very empathetic all the time until she went through a tough time recently.

Also, if she did have either of these conditions, she wouldn’t start a thread asking about it because she simply wouldn’t care.

I read a woman struggling with life and having limited energy and she needs to put the shutters down for a while.

Well that's actually a very good question. There have indeed been a lot of harsh responses but if OP really is sociopathic or totally self centred and apathetic about others, she won't care. Do the responses bother you, OP?

Wow. You really don't see the irony here, do you?

Look in the mirror.

It’s yet another gross display of everyone think they’re showing how kind they are by attacking the OP. If they even bother to read all her posts, she’s clearly struggling at the moment and has been through a tough time. I think she sounds like she is in survival mode and probably only has the energy to care about herself and her immediate family at the moment and I think that’s ok.

People are telling her she’s an awful person and diagnosing her with NPD - it’s fucking ridiculous.

Not to mention, if she asked people the same question in real life they wouldn’t respond the way most have on here. I’m worried OP is now beating herself up after this pile on.

I’m not naturally nice either. You would not know this.

Why is everyone attacking the OP. She is clearly feeling very vulnerable. It isn't kind or helpful and it shows who the real nasty people are.

Yes, I agree with you. You’re not very nice.
Perhaps some thought about why you are so self-interested and self-centred would do you some good? Have you never been treated with love and kindness?

Again, what a strange response. Have you left your house lately? People do objectively selfish acts all the time. I can't drive a 5 minute journey without seeing someone speeding, not letting someone out or not stopping for pedestrians waiting to cross. Have you been in a supermarket when a new till has opened and there is a large queue? The rush to get before others is crazy. People lie about children's ages to get free admission to struggling attractions and don't pay to park and deny bankrupt councils money they are owed and think absolutely nothing of it.

People generally are highly questionable and stray into unethical behaviour easily.

Your empathy is very low, OP, or maybe nonexistent.
Hopefully you act kindly and hen you need to?
But, hey, you do you.

You “see” using your “eyes” that people are the same as you and the OP

Dont just others by your own shit standards

Yes, I do relate to the OP. I can be selfish, and lack empathy quite often. But then I can see, using my own eyes, that most people are the same. I just have to step outside my front door to be practically mown down by inconsiderate cyclists, for instance. Lack of consideration for others is so common it's almost a universal. And some of the worst, in my experience, are those who pride themselves on their niceness and kindness.

I also think a man writing this post in a male forum would get very different reactions. Women are heavily socialised to be kind and put others first in a way men aren't.

I know where you are coming from. I am inherently selfish, as are a lot of people, but I consciously remind myself to consider others, show interest in them, not always try and put myself first. You don’t have to act on impulse, you can learn and try to be better.

Completely this!

To be honest I am most suspicious of those posters that are treating OP as if she has done really heinous things when she simply hasn't. They seem to be laying it on thick in order to make OP feel bad about herself when she has already expressed that she is feeling down and wants to change. It is so counter productive to express what I can only presume is mock outrage. Surely posters don't live in a bubble and see far worse behaviour everyday. I would go as far as to suggest that some posters get a kick out of making OP feel like crap and that in itself is far more removed from being 'kind' than anything OP has professed to doing. She hasn't deliberately tried to hurt or upset anyone whereas I think lots of posters on this thread are trying to do this to OP.

Even if OP is a psychopath or sociopath then what does this actually mean? Do kind people not want to reach out and help people with these conditions too? We are all told now to extend an enormous amount of support and understanding to people with other personality disorders and yet people have been desperate to condem OP for her behaviour which may well be disordered but doesn't make her inherently bad or evil.

Totally agree with this. It makes Op sound way more interesting and special than she is @He1h shes just a common or garden dick, nothing more and nothing less. They are ten a penny (unfortunately).