Do you contact your parents or do they contact you?

Bit of both really. Mum and I are on a family group chat with my other siblings/partners which is active daily but besides that, she probably messages and calls me first more often but I tend to visit her more often, albeit that’s because I’m a sahm to two very small children and my husband works alllll the time so I like a change of scenery! If I’ve not visited her for a week or two, she’ll come to me, no worries. I am pretty happy with the dynamics.
I don’t see my dad and haven’t for a very long time.

My father never contacts me, he is in his mid 80s. I call him once a week but if I didn't, he wouldn't get in contact. I'm the least favourite child out of 3 tho.

I ring my elderly Dad most days. He occasionally rings me.

DD (20) and I text several times a week. We call when we feel like it. I’ll always reach out to her, I can’t imagine not doing it.

Three or four times a week, one way or the other. Used to be less - once a week perhaps - but they are elderly now. As am I.

I’ve never liked my parents. I moved out when I was 18 and I never call them. They usually call
me but they know I can’t stand them. I’d be happy to never speak to them again.

I’ve been running an experiment with my (very difficult) mum, after realising it was always me doing the running (and she’d ignored birthdays, Christmas etc).

I last called her on Mothers Day. I’ve sent a couple of texts and emails since then, which have been ignored. But I’ve not called her, and she’s not called me (or my brother). It’s really tough, because I’m on the verge of caving, but also wondering why I’m so worried about contacting someone who clearly doesn’t give a shit about contacting me.

My Dad and Step-mum are completely different. Natter most days on the family WhatsApp, works both ways, really easy. So I don’t think it’s me. Just feel like I have to match her energy now to protect myself from disappointment, but the guilt as she gets older is pretty powerful.

A bit of both. We usually speak on the phone a couple of times a week and WhatsApp most days. They'd be over here battering my door down if they hadn't heard from me for two weeks!

My Mum, bit of both and varies in frequency. I’m youngest by far and she always says she knows I’m busy. Elder sibling calls her every day and updates me.
in laws are NC for 3 years now. Fell out over contact - DH would call when he could but if it wasn’t frequent enough for MIL, she would be shitty on the phone. More to it than that, but long story short etc

No idea, that’s probably normal for busy grown ups with healthy non co-dependant relationships who get on well.

My parents died in my 20s, but back then it was a bit of both. We spoke by phone at least several times a week, wrote letters (they didn’t have email and I’d o my just got it). I went home every uni holiday apart from if I was travelling, which I did a lot, and odd weekends here and there (it was about a 2.5 hour drive).

in a happy, healthy relationship you’d expect it to be initiated by both sides, but not always at same amount. If they left it months or years with no contact the. That would be a bad sign.

I chat to my dad most days via WhatsApp and I always ring him; I think he worries I’ll be at work or busy so it’s sort of a mutual agreement that I’ll ring him.

Glad it's not just me! It drives me up the wall.

I contact mine, they never call me. We sometimes text, send photos or whatever and that is both ways but she never actually calls.

I brought up just last week that they can call me, every time I get "I just never know if you're busy". And yes sometimes I forget to call, as I am busy, but if someone calls me, I always call them back if I miss it.

I speak with my Mum and Stepmum about 3/4 times a week phone and texts - i contact them and they contact me. My dad probably less but I know my stepmum lets him know I’m fine, but I would still say I speak directly to my dad once a week. I text with my sister most days and I’d say I text with my brothers maybe once a week.

I think it all depends on the relationship you have with family, although it does sadden me that so many of you have parents that just wont contact you. My Nana is nearly 90 and she facetimes and whatsapps regularly!

Not necessarily true I am 60 DM is 83. She is bad at replying to my texts, picks and choose whether or not to answer her landline or mobile and if I didn’t phone her she would never phone me. She has got into the habit of expecting everyone around her to do the running. I am sure often she does this so we will worry about her more and end up visiting as we aren’t far away to check up on her.

When my mum was alive we didn’t go a day without some form of contact and if we hadn’t spoken all day she would always text me telling me she loved me. Miss her madly the realisation no one will ever love me as deeply is sad but I also understand it now as I have my own babies x

Reading all the answers, it seems many people see contact with parents as transactional, not relational. Expectations of both method & frequency of contact vary not just across generations but across individuals. My generation (74) usually have an expectation that messages are replied to or at least acknowledged. My children’s expectation is that unless it’s urgent there’s no need to respond. So many in this thread are reading extra meaning into things.
A few years ago, one of my DC was going through a very bad time & I got into the habit of texting them 1st thing every day, not expecting a reply. They several times told me it helped. So I carried on. Then I was told (by someone else) that they stopped reading my texts because I sent too many. The frequency had not changed, nor had they asked me to send fewer.
Time goes quickly as you age. I often think “I must text/phone so & so, it’s been at least a week” I’ll check back & realise it was 3 or 4 weeks. Luckily my friends don’t read deeper meanings into that.

Our DD just ignores all calls, only answered if she wanted something. Married to a narc and has never been the same since he groomed her. Given her so much and after 15 years of trying to communicate I’ve given up. It’s what she wants. She has never wanted us in her or our granddaughters lives since she met him. I would text and she’d ignore that too.

But the thing is, just because they're your kids, it doesn't mean they would choose to spend time with you if you weren't related. Same with siblings. And some people just don't really communicate.

My dad would probably be astounded to see how much room he takes up in my head, in relation to the time i actually spend communicating with him. But I have a habit of feeling like I'm connected to someone if I've been thinking about them. I don't need to actually do it.

I suspect I won't see ds for dust when he leaves home. Dd currently wants to live near me and reckons I'll be looking after her kids (she can dream on).This is a bit of a family trait though. I have similar cousins.

It's hard to imagine isn't it when you spend so much time with your kids when they are children. I can't ever imagine not being in contact with mine. My 18 year old went away for two weeks and we messaged constantly and she rang me a few times too, I'd never be able to not contact them for so long.

Both. I will speak to my parents and mil every week. If I don't call them they will call me. It's called conversation. We also message several time throughout the week both on the family group and individually and send photos etc.

DS rings us about every 3 or 4 weeks for a catchup, he always rings us as he is much busier with work and everything, we are retired. In between this we just text if we need to.

Pretty much always me who calls. My mum will message if something specific she needs to know, such as what my girls want for their birthday. She always says 'I don't call as I know you are always busy, you call me when you can as I'm not busy and mostly home'. I try to call once a week but sometimes time goes so quick and I forget and might be a couple weeks.

They live about 2 hours from us, I try to take my girls to visit every couple months for a weekend, they come to us at Christmas or other special events.

My mother contacts me every two or three months, usually to arrange a meet up. Lives half an hour away. I wouldn’t want a higher level of interaction, this is about right for me.

I do understand what you are saying but I think the least my DPs could do is ring or even send a card on birthdays etc. With my late teen kids (both live at home but sometimes don't see them for days or weeks with them staying at partners and work etc) I just send a "you ok?' "are you still alive?" message and mostly I get nothing more than a thumbs up but I think at least that way they know I care, I would hate them to ever think I stopped thinking about them.

I always used to phone at least weekly, but they didn't contact me.

Then Dad retired and he used to phone a lot. Not sure if Mum knew how to dial a call tbh - she would never call any of us.

Me and my son send eachother memes and news almost daily, and he phones/facetimes weekly - but we arrange the timing between us. If something exciting happens, I phone him any old time, and vice versa.

Me and my Mum contact each other, but going two weeks without speaking wouldn’t be that unusual for us (although once a week is more typical). I nearly always initiate with my Dad and it is often months between us talking.