15yo dd didn’t call on my birthday

I agree with two previous sentiments.

You have raised your DC to be very secure about themselves their home life and they don't feel the need to call home every 5 minutes and blow up your phone.

However, you sound like your whole life is taken up with them. It's good that you have a happy and secure family life, there is nothing wrong with that, but you are YOU, an individual with like and dislikes, needs and wants, and you should have an outlet outside your family circle.

On balance you have a well adjusted teen enjoying themselves at camp and who will think "oh shit, I forgot mum's birthday" at some point over the next day or so. Whether they apologise or brazen it out depends on their personality.

It would have been nice if they had called and I can understand why you are a bit disappointed, but hopefully they will be in touch when they remember.

I remember being on a 4 night school trip to France at age 12 in 1991 and on night 3 we were all marched to the town to queue up for the payphone to call home. I was quite baffled as I was expecting to make contact and my parents were quote thrown by why I was calling too. It was a totally pointless call.and a waste of whatever denomination of franc coin a payphone too then!

Peak selfishness at that age

She's 15. Age 50 won't even register on her consciousness. Teenagers aren't thoughtless, it's just that their brains aren't mature enough to.think of anyone outside themselves for more than about a minute.

She is 15! She sent a text! As a parent of adults so have been through all the teenage years be happy your child is happy and get your needs met from your partner/spouse/friends. This is her time to be separate from you. Do not hold her back - maybe they had an outing or a party or a special tea or a campfire.

Start finding other things in your life as to be there for your children is amazing but to be there so much you hold them back is not.

I was at summer camp age 14. But it was 1972 and there was no possibility of calling home (no phone at either end of the transaction!)

Teenagers live in the moment, OP. You really mustn't hold them to mature adult standards of behaviour, because you're dooming yourself to bitter disappointment.

It sounds like you’ve given them a loving and close family life and they’re secure enough that it will be there when they get back. Secure attachment.

Doesn't seem fair to call op needy and sensitive (happy birthday op!). My 50th felt noteworthy in a way my 48th didn’t for example and I appreciated feeling loved and cherished by my loved ones. It’s ok for the OP to feel a bit sad and wistful that her dd wasn’t around for that.

but I do agree that the response you did get was fairly typical and not unloving. My teens would have been the same and also happily ignore me all the time. I miss them loads more than they miss me and that’s as it should be.

oh no, don't be one of those mums

editing to add I'd more concerned they allow phone at camp.

Of course it's a thing to call parents on their landmark birthdays. OP's DD was thoughtless. She should try harder. A five minute call would have meant the world to her Mum.

I think it's ok to feel disappointed that your DD didn't make time to call, but I also think you're reading far too much into this.

I'm about a generation younger than you and now that I'm an adult I take the time to call my parents and older relatives on special occasions because I understand that a call is more meaningful to them than a text, and they call me on my birthday and I'm appreciative because I know that's them showing they care. But if I'm being completely honest I don't look forward to having to answer the phone for these calls and would love texts instead. It's fairly normal for teens, especially busy ones, to lack the level of empathy and awareness of others to think "I texted but mum will be really hurt if I don't also call because phone calls are so much more meaningful to her." They're still developing that awareness and perspective.

I think you’re being very needy and over-sensitive here. She’s a kid, away at camp with a day packed with activities, and she got in touch by text. It’s not like she forgot it was your birthday - she messaged and wished you a happy birthday so what’s the big deal, really?

I run many trips with school and we have to prompt some to ring home to tell their parents they are still alive!

I think a text is fine. She didn't forget.

I wouldn't expect a teen to stay in touch with me when they were on camp.

She sent a text. I'd be glad one of mine is having so much fun that they forgot to ring.

On mum’s BIRTHDAY??

She acknowledged your birthday with a text, why did you need a phone call aswell?
I’d be more happy that my kid was confident and enjoying her time at camp. It’s a bit needy to want a text and a phone call in my opinion.

I've never expected to hear from my DC when they're away on trips. I never contacted my parents either.

I honestly can't imagine hoping for anything other than that they're having a great time. Its.not our DC's job to make us feel loved, only the other way around.

I think you are being unreasonable as DD sent a text (so didn’t actually forget your birthday).

Teens don’t really call these days. My family text/message on birthdays. I would love my DC to call but I’m not sure they would if they were away but I understand why it makes you feel sad/unappreciated.

but clearly something is making them not miss me/us when they’re away.

Yes, the fact that they feel very secure and confident, You’ve done your job! Teens are notoriously self-absorbed a lot of the time, though, so it doesn’t surprise me that they don’t get in touch when they’re having a great time! Be thankful that your dc feel free to live their lives. It’s a wonderful gift! I’m sure they’ll become more thoughtful as they mature. I’m sorry you didn’t get your call, but maybe she was out of battery at the relevant time or the signal was poor. She obviously had you in mind when she texted.

Yes my boys are like this and worse.

When children have a secure attachment when they reach the teen years they focus away from parents to their peer group. So they are just doing what nature intended. And she did text at least so was thinking of you. And at that moment she did mean to call.

You clearly want to talk to her. So why don't you give her a ring? It is your birthday after, so you can indulge what you want a little bit today.

She was distracted in the intense atmosphere of camp. Dont give it a second thought.

She texted, she didn't forget, she's off being confident and independent and enjoying herself. These are all good things. Being disappointed you didn't get a phone call on top is unreasonable. She sounds much healthier than your friends' kids constantly contacting.

You sound utterly dependent on them. You don’t work so you can be there - they’re at school, you don’t NEED to be there. You don’t go out with your dh, you never go away without them. That is really unhealthy and I’d be worried for the state of your marriage once they’ve left home. You’re enmeshed.

They sound perfectly normal healthy teens despite their mother’s entire existence being totally focussed on them.