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Original poster

15yo dd didn’t call on my birthday

89 replies

Ethina · 14/08/2025 17:24

My 15yo dd didn’t call me on my birthday. I turned 50. She texted and said she’d call at some point but she never did. She is away at a camp and having a great time so I understand she got distracted but I can’t help feeling disappointed.

On a related note my children barely keep in contact anytime they are away on campus or staying with friends, we have had discussions about this in the past but nothing had ever changed. Some of my friends can barely go half a day without their teens blowing up their phone with messages, asking when their mum will be home etc, but I don’t get that from mine.

I am beginning to think I have made mistakes as their mother. I don’t work so I am always there for them, we are close as a family, dh and I rarely go out and we never go away without them, but clearly something is making them not miss me/us when they’re away.

anyone else’s teens like this?

OP posts:
Mandarinaduck · 15/08/2025 12:52

Cynic17 · 14/08/2025 17:44

She sent a text - what else do you need? I don't think I have ever, in 60 years, telephoned anyone on their birthday, nor they me. Is it a thing?
Your children sound fantastic, and you have brought them up to be confident and sensible. A child constantly phoning would worry me hugely as being clingy, lazy or somehow incapable.

Yes it's a thing. It's much more personal than a text. I try to always call close family members on their birthday (as well as send a card).

That said, I certainly wouldn't expect it from a 15 year old. It's just not such a big deal to them. Let alone when they are away at camp having great times with their peers.

legoplaybook · 14/08/2025 23:13

I wouldn't expect my 15 year old to call me on my birthday and I would never have remembered my mum's birthday when I was 15 if I was away!

She text you so she remembered. Try to take joy in the fact that she's having fun.

Do you have a partner who can provide this kind of acknowledgement or make a fuss of you?

MCF86 · 14/08/2025 23:09

gamerchick · 14/08/2025 17:28

You haven't made mistakes. You've created confident kids who are getting ready to make their way in the world. Having them constantly call you isn't a good thing.

It's a good thing they don't miss you, as hard as that feels. You've done the job you set out to do.

Exactly this. I adore my mum and always have, but I've never needed to speak to her every day if I wasn't home!
I've a friend that speaks to her mum multiple times a day and I find it a bit odd to be honest.

saraclara · 14/08/2025 22:25

Ethina · 14/08/2025 21:11

No, the camp is for her favourite sport and I’m really happy that she is having a great time.

Thanks everyone for weighing in. So grateful for all perspectives on this. It’s a relief to hear that this is in line with typical teen behaviour ☺️ I was just comparing to some of my friends who have the kind of relationship where they call each other multiple times per day, just to check in. None of mine ever do that which has made me feel like an outlier so it was nice to read the comments here

You're the normal one, frankly. Calling several times a day for no reason? For teenagers that's really quite odd.

saraclara · 14/08/2025 22:23

waterrat · 14/08/2025 18:00

She was distracted in the intense atmosphere of camp. Dont give it a second thought.

That. She sent a text so she didn't forgetb you. But she would have been very distracted and the time would have gone really quickly without her having a moment to think about a call.

lazyarse123 · 14/08/2025 22:13

Happy Birthday op. You've had a text so she didn't forget. The teenagers panicking that their mum is a bit late are the ones who might have problems later. My dh is a bit like that "will you be long? What time will you be back?" It is a real pain in the arse and he doesn't do it to be controlling he just worries, and I now just say I'll let him know when I'm on my way back and he's fine.

OhHellolittleone · 14/08/2025 22:01

parents birthdays are not a big deal. Children’s birthdays are sentimental to parents - my daughter’s bday is as important to me as it is to her… but my birthday? I can’t imagine it will be a massive deal to her.

Screamingabdabz · 14/08/2025 21:57

Jeez it wouldn’t even occur to me to expect a call on my birthday if they were away at camp (and we do birthdays big style in our family). I’d be over the moon and touched with a text!

Teenagers are meant to be out there living their lives, exploring and discovering new things, not fretting about their parents. I can’t believe so many people on this thread talking about ‘selfishness of teenagers’.

What is selfish is the emotional neediness from someone who is a grown ass adult sitting at home seething because they still expect to be a priority when their kid is away with friends having fun. Get a bloody grip.

namechangetheworld · 14/08/2025 21:54

YABU. She's off having fun and living her life, and she obviously does care, since she sent you a text.

I will never forget DD2s first day of pre-school. A few other little ones were wailing and clinging to their parents, but mine ran inside cheerfully without a second glance!

I was visibly a little dissapointed but one of the teachers said that it's a great sign when children are so fearless, because they've been brought up with the confidence of knowing that you'll always come back for them, no matter what.

maudelovesharold · 14/08/2025 21:46

maudelovesharold · 14/08/2025 21:31

*But let’s make excuses for children becoming more self absorbed and entitled.

Posted too soon, then my phone died! That was meant to read:

But let’s make excuses for children becoming more self absorbed and entitled.

Teenagers have always been self-absorbed and entitled!

Marmalade71 · 14/08/2025 21:44

Kids aren’t our emotional support puppies, she texted so she didn’t forget. All is good. Chill

Iris2020 · 14/08/2025 21:37

OP, you've done nothing wrong and probably a lot more right than those whose teens are blowing up their phones after half a day.
So many teens lack basic emotional resilience and life skills to be a little independent these days. Yours have that so well done!
The ones who are phoning their mums all the time are probably not more considerate, just m9re needy.

Unfortunately teenager are wired to be selfish and it can be hard as a parent.

maudelovesharold · 14/08/2025 21:31

*But let’s make excuses for children becoming more self absorbed and entitled.

Fragmentedbrain · 14/08/2025 21:29

Children on the whole do not care much about their parents

Eleph42 · 14/08/2025 21:28

Honestly I think this is quite normal. When I was 15 I couldn’t even tell you how old my mum was I don’t think I’d even pay attention to ‘big birthdays’ then. I don’t think it’s a bad thing she’s not texting. You’ve clearly instilled confidence in your kids and it’s good they’re not overly dependant on you. In a few years you’ll be the one person she loves to talk to the most! At least I know that’s what happened with my mum and I. Appreciation comes with age imo so dont be hard on your daughter or yourself and celebrate when she’s home x

Netcurtainnelly · 14/08/2025 21:25

I would have thought a card would have been better
You could have opened it while she was away.

HerecomesMargo · 14/08/2025 21:18

gamerchick · 14/08/2025 17:28

You haven't made mistakes. You've created confident kids who are getting ready to make their way in the world. Having them constantly call you isn't a good thing.

It's a good thing they don't miss you, as hard as that feels. You've done the job you set out to do.

What nonsense. Confident kids 🤣 Her dd was really insensitive and selfish to have not bothered. Given that it’s a milestone. Given that she’s old enough. But let’s make excuses for children becoming more self absorbed and entitled.

tinytemper66 · 14/08/2025 21:14

DappledThings · 14/08/2025 20:32

I remember being on a 4 night school trip to France at age 12 in 1991 and on night 3 we were all marched to the town to queue up for the payphone to call home. I was quite baffled as I was expecting to make contact and my parents were quote thrown by why I was calling too. It was a totally pointless call.and a waste of whatever denomination of franc coin a payphone too then!

Show quote history

only happens when a parent has contacted us to say ‘tell Johnny to ring or text us’…

Original poster
Ethina · 14/08/2025 21:11

No, the camp is for her favourite sport and I’m really happy that she is having a great time.

Thanks everyone for weighing in. So grateful for all perspectives on this. It’s a relief to hear that this is in line with typical teen behaviour ☺️ I was just comparing to some of my friends who have the kind of relationship where they call each other multiple times per day, just to check in. None of mine ever do that which has made me feel like an outlier so it was nice to read the comments here

OP posts:
GreenFlag · 14/08/2025 21:07

I don’t work so I am always there for them, we are close as a family, dh and I rarely go out

I think this explains a lot.

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 14/08/2025 21:02

MissAmbrosia · 14/08/2025 20:51

Shes 15 and at camp where phoning parents will be forbidden or restricted. She's supposed to be having fun and not worrying about your feelings. That's what camp is for. Building independence. If you wanted to make a deal about your birthday, you do it before or after, but not during.

This, did she choose to go on the camp? Do you have younger dc? As you've said you're a sahp it's not for childcare need am assuming?

Original poster
Ethina · 14/08/2025 21:01

GravyBoatWars · 14/08/2025 19:51

I think it's ok to feel disappointed that your DD didn't make time to call, but I also think you're reading far too much into this.

I'm about a generation younger than you and now that I'm an adult I take the time to call my parents and older relatives on special occasions because I understand that a call is more meaningful to them than a text, and they call me on my birthday and I'm appreciative because I know that's them showing they care. But if I'm being completely honest I don't look forward to having to answer the phone for these calls and would love texts instead. It's fairly normal for teens, especially busy ones, to lack the level of empathy and awareness of others to think "I texted but mum will be really hurt if I don't also call because phone calls are so much more meaningful to her." They're still developing that awareness and perspective.

I know exactly what you mean. When I still had my mother, whom I loved dearly, I would still dread answering her calls sometimes. I remember it well. As much as I enjoyed talking with her and getting her advice on things, she was in a different frame of mind where she was thinking a lot about the past, and wanted to talk about that. Also current affairs with emphasis on gloom and doom. There is a disconnect between someone in their seventies who has ALL the time in the world, and a youngish professional or parent of several small children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ethina · 14/08/2025 20:56

tinytemper66 · 14/08/2025 19:23

I run many trips with school and we have to prompt some to ring home to tell their parents they are still alive!

Reassuring! Glad it’s not just us…

OP posts:
Original poster
Ethina · 14/08/2025 20:53

Sparkletastic · 14/08/2025 17:35

Teens can occasionally be a bit thoughtless particularly when out having fun. It sounds like you have happy well-adjusted kids but perhaps haven’t got enough life of your own or time with DH. Focus on that in this next decade of your life.

You’re right about that. High time to do more for us, it’s been full focus on the children for so long

OP posts:
MissAmbrosia · 14/08/2025 20:51

Shes 15 and at camp where phoning parents will be forbidden or restricted. She's supposed to be having fun and not worrying about your feelings. That's what camp is for. Building independence. If you wanted to make a deal about your birthday, you do it before or after, but not during.