Hostile and entitled man hijacking my table

Communism and socialism are alive and thriving. Posters obviously adore being told what to do.

Doesn't anyone realise that in some locations, under some governments, even families split up because one table has to be full before the next is 'loaded'?

I felt empathy because I have been in a situation where I was made uncomfortable being outnumbered, and intimidated.

It is the situation I empathise with. It has not the reaction of the OP, which is why I have not voted yet.

Were they eating?

I thought I was describing a situation. In the OP's case she felt the need to stand up against them when she recognised what was going on.

I do not blame her for that, but I have yet to cast my vote. For my own part, recognising friction, I would have left the table with my meal, walked a few steps and continued the meal standing up in full view of the table. I cannot physically do that, but it is what I would have done.

I would have watched the scene unfold, to see if a fourth person was waiting in the wings, so to speak, to occupy her seat when she left it. I would hope to have engendered some sort of sympathy from them.

I take the point of view that the OP was defending her right to eat her meal in peace without being interrupted by the conversation when a third person joined the table. That would ring alarm bells for me, enough to leave them to it, because I would have suspected a fourth person waiting to join the group.

That’s quite a descriptive narrative. For an event that wasn’t like that
Op has actually said she’s stridentat work takes no shite and she vociferously asserted herself
You’re describing a diffident unassuming women who was imposed upon by group of three

As a general comment after reading - not all - the posts, I observe that many people cannot recognise intimidation when the see it.

Perhaps that is what is wrong with society today? They do not recognise - or do not want to recognise - a scenario where a group of people can intimidate a lone person if that person has what they want.

It matters not what it is about specifically. It is all about recognising the Modus Operandi of how a group of people can dominate in any situation.

The OP was enjoying a meal on her own at a table for four people. Two people asked if they could sit down, and she said they could. They were a man and a woman, probably married.

Then a third person joined the table who was known to the other two. They started up a conversation which intimidated the OP.

She felt outnumbered and intimidated, and on the defensive. Who knows, but there was a third person hovering about waiting for her seat?

Non unlike a car park problem when there is only one empty space.

I hope you never have cause to be outnumbered, or intimidated, or both. It is quite a frightening situation, and people should learn from it.

Mn is most definitely not about automatic empathy with posters. It’s a discursive forum. If you want a head tilt and platitude with side order empathy you’ll not find it on mn

the couple were both being unreasonable as they lied and said it was just two of them. For all they knew you had a friend about to come and sit next to you. However in places like that when busy I would expect to share my table and don’t think I’d have been able to tell them to get up and go.

She's already clarified that it's not a space where sharing tables is the norm. There are large communal benches which are shared, as in Wagamama, and smaller tables for individual parties, as in most other restaurants. She was in a booth, which wouldn't normally be considered communal. You might be willing to share it with one other person at busy times, but it's unreasonable to expect anyone to give it up to someone else's group.

I don't feel any empathy for the OP, who I think was confrontational and rude - an attitude she increasingly demonstrated in her subsequent posts. That doesn't mean there is "no point" in my posting in AIBU that I think she was indeed unreasonable.

Both of you ABU.

Him for doing his big man act, and you for taking up a seat for 4 in a obviously busy space where sharing tables is the norm.

I am not looking for advice.

My post was to tell the OP that I understood how she felt.

What is the point of posting on this site unless to show empathy with the OP? At least my support is a qualified post, given from experience.

They managed to find somewhere else to sit and there were other lone diners, so it obviously wasn't that crowded. They just wanted the booth. Never mind that somebody was already sitting there, it was only a woman and she was bound to leave once suitably intimidated.

Also they didn't know that the third space wasn't occupied. OP could have been waiting for someone, hence needing confirmation that there were only two of them, then they grab the other seat without bothering to ask if it's free? But OP's the entitled one, because how very dare she sit at a table to eat her lunch. She should have knocked herself together one of these mythical tables for one out of a cardboard box and some takeaway cartons, then all this unpleasantness could have been avoided.

I'd suggest you look at an alternative source for your cleaners then.

In any case, it has little relevance to the OP's situation.

OP, you were both as bad as each other. Just who do you think you are to dictate that only 3 people can sit at a table of 4? You really are quite seriously deluded.

They were asking out of curiosity rather than for permission

The cleaning companies employ people who speak very little English. They are cheap labour. They work together as a team. You rarely get British workers in these teams of cleaners. Sometimes they just fly in for a few weeks 'holiday' earn the money and return. They do not always have visas to work here.

They are dangerous in that they provide a united front. Nationality has nothing to do with it. They are ruthless.

These cleaning companies primarily clean end of lets, start of a new let, overnight cleaning for companies. They also do domestic cleaning in an occupied house. I gave a warning to people. The OP described a similar thing,

They outnumber the client in their own home. They are to be avoided. When spring cleaning comes round next year, forewarned is useful, isn't it.

You have to learn the difference between who is a legal immigrant and who is not. One particular trio were booked for two days deep clean. They didn't do that, I called them in the next day and pointed that out, had them put the furniture back in the right places and so on.

Then I asked to see their work visas. You never saw anyone move so fast.

Makes no difference it was a booth it was under occupied
TBH this was an anticipated outcome. Solo diner at table for 4. Table get shared by 3 other diners
if you want solo dining do not sit at table for 4 and expect sole use in busy cafe

Makes no difference it was a booth it was under occupied
TBH this was an anticipated outcome. Solo diner at table for 4. Table get shared by 3 other diners
if you want solo dining do not sit at table for 4 and expect sole use in busy cafe

Makes no difference it was a booth it was under occupied
TBH this was an anticipated outcome. Solo diner at table for 4

Ah I see it was a booth ..I’d not like that at all .
I wouldn’t wish to be hemmed in by 3 people I didn’t know at all , especially when one seemed so hostile .
A large open table , absolutely fine in a busy food court / food market environment.

I got up to go to work one morning and my legs gave way. It was the start of a nightmare that I hope you and your friends/familie never have to deal with. Do you think I wouldn't like to be free of this neurological disease and run, skip, and jump like you?

If you had read my post you would see that I cannot do the housework. I have carers who are immigrants. They make the best carers. There is absolutely no complaint about them. Currently, my carer of six years - all through the lockdown - now is fighting terminal cancer, though still comes on social visits.

I have had carers from South Africa, Zimbabwe, Ghana, Hungary, Czechoslovakia, Rwanda, China, all of whom have been really caring. I know so much more about the world.

I took advantage of the thread to give my experience and a warning to anyone who is not able to do deep cleans, not to be outnumbered in their own homes.

The cleaning company workers I described are not to be trusted.

Of course they can..they just have to ask. I'll sit like that because it's my preference but I will always move it if asked or before if the train us getting busy.

You have no right to monopolise seats. Are you one of those people who, on a train, sits i the aisle seat with a bag on the window seat so no one can sit there?