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Original poster

Hostile and entitled man hijacking my table

596 replies

BluntPlumHam · 14/08/2025 16:22

I stopped to have some lunch at a busy market where there is a lot of seating however often taken up so some waiting around.

Often a woman dining on her own or having coffee may ask to share a table which I always agree to.

I was sat at a table for 4 already eating.

Man and woman approach and ask if they can share my table.

I asked is it just you two and pointed at the seats opposite me and he nodded. So I said ok because it was super busy.

Seconds later a third person joins and I’m now encircled by their group. I took my headphones out and said hang on you didn’t say there were three of you?

He immediately got hostile and red in the face and said you need to go find a table for one person.

I put my cutlery down and said you need to move. He started blathering on about being allowed to voice his opinion and I just said no and firmly said leave because I wasn’t about to engage in a discussion or argument with this man child.

He started throwing a tantrum exclaiming that he’s not leaving puffing his chest out etc and his wife was trying to calm him down and kept apologising to me. He was clearly ready to have a stand off with me. I just turned to her, your husband is hostile, harassing me now and I want you to all leave to which she eventually said ok and that we will go find another table. He reluctantly left but not without trying to start a fight with me I just remained firm and resilient. Just kept repeating sternly you all need to leave now and find another table.

Wife was visibly embarrassed by his behaviour and grabbed my arm and sincerely apologised.

I just feel that a certain culture of general hostility towards women is being normalised in this day and age. Although I initially allowed him to sit there when I realised this was a group I revoked that permission but men can’t take a no for an answer.

Despite me doing them a favour and letting them sit there he had the audacity to get angry with me when I questioned the third person and tell me to go find another table midway my food. They did not have their food yet.

Men feel entitled to encroach and stay in women’s personal space even when bluntly told to go. Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.

AIBU for making them leave.

OP posts:
KandyKrush · 14/08/2025 21:48

latetothefisting · 14/08/2025 21:39

I'm sorry "stranger dangers"? How old are you?
What do you think they're going to do to you in the middle of a busy market, take their little plastic fork out of their salad and stab you with it?
If you see every single person you don't know as a potential threat, I'm surprised you manage to leave the house alone at all, let alone sit on a 4 person table.

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Oh I was being facetious 🙄 I just mean I don’t want to sit with randoms. I’m not actually terrified of my own shadow.

Jeez. Some absolute personality vacuums on here.

Beachtastic · 14/08/2025 21:43

latetothefisting · 14/08/2025 21:39

I'm sorry "stranger dangers"? How old are you?
What do you think they're going to do to you in the middle of a busy market, take their little plastic fork out of their salad and stab you with it?
If you see every single person you don't know as a potential threat, I'm surprised you manage to leave the house alone at all, let alone sit on a 4 person table.

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Excellent way to keep the table clear. As long as you say "Now it's your turn to clean up after me" when you've done them over.

Brunts12 · 14/08/2025 21:41

“Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.”

It would have been, indeed. A man would have said “yeah, sure, pal” and let them join the table.
Another man-bashing thread?

Brunts12 · 14/08/2025 21:40

“Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.”

It would have been, indeed. A man would have said “yeah, sure, pal” and let them join the table.
Another man-bashing thread?

SociableAtWork · 14/08/2025 21:40

Out of interest - you say it was busy and that there’s an area of communal seating, bench style.

As a lone diner, when it was busy, why did you choose a booth for four people and not a space in the communal seating.

Do you think this was selfish and socially unacceptable, or perfectly fine?

latetothefisting · 14/08/2025 21:39

KandyKrush · 14/08/2025 21:19

What this is literally why I would do anything f to avoid occupying a table of 4 on my own. Because I’d hate to sit with stranger dangers and I am aware that I would not be entitled to stop them.

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I'm sorry "stranger dangers"? How old are you?
What do you think they're going to do to you in the middle of a busy market, take their little plastic fork out of their salad and stab you with it?
If you see every single person you don't know as a potential threat, I'm surprised you manage to leave the house alone at all, let alone sit on a 4 person table.

Londonrach1 · 14/08/2025 21:39

Yabu. Can't believe you could keep a table for four for one person if very busy. People share tables when it gets busy. Fact of life.

latetothefisting · 14/08/2025 21:37

BluntPlumHam · 14/08/2025 16:36

Yep, never in my life (well traveled and lived in multiple places) have I experienced it it be ok for anyone to sit at at a table which is occupied by another person. I don’t think anyone saying otherwise would feel comfortable with random people sitting at their table with them whilst they were eating irrespective of it being a table for four.

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what? you literally said in your OP that you've previously had solo women share your table at this same exact venue? so how can you say you've not experienced it in all your worldly travels?

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 14/08/2025 21:37

It’s a bit like folk on trains and buses who occupy seats with bags and belongings as if their bag needs a seat and they scowl at anyone who wants a seat.

Donttellempike · 14/08/2025 21:35

VaseofViolets · 14/08/2025 20:08

Don’t behave like one, pretty easy situation to avoid.

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Jeez this misogynist crap can fuck off

Beachtastic · 14/08/2025 21:35

Account734 · 14/08/2025 21:21

I think you have misunderstood. OP said yes to two people joining her table because the place was super busy not because she was super busy and doing a business proposal. From what I understand she was just trying to eat her lunch.

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You're quite right! The place was super busy, not her. All the more reason not to be an arsehole about sharing a table 😂

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 14/08/2025 21:35

Let’s not demonise women with the pejorative term Karen. It’s a ghastly nasty trope
@BluntPlumHam is outrageously entitled and wrong

namechangetheworld · 14/08/2025 21:32

NotTerfNorCis · 14/08/2025 20:05

There's another element to this kind of situation. Any woman who stands up for herself in public now runs the risk of being filmed and shamed online as a 'Karen'.

If the shoe fits.

KandyKrush · 14/08/2025 21:23

OP, I was on a train with my two kids last week. We had a table of four. The train suddenly became very busy. A man asked if he could have the unoccupied seat at our table. Of course I did not wish random man to sit with us, but you just have to suck it up 🤷🏻‍♀️

Would you have told him no??

Account734 · 14/08/2025 21:21

Beachtastic · 14/08/2025 20:45

But a place for that is primarily for sitting and eating, not for being "super busy" unless you are putting together a big business proposal, in which case find somewhere more appropriate to work in.

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I think you have misunderstood. OP said yes to two people joining her table because the place was super busy not because she was super busy and doing a business proposal. From what I understand she was just trying to eat her lunch.

KandyKrush · 14/08/2025 21:19

legoplaybook · 14/08/2025 17:00

"You don't own the table"

Yes but the social norm is absolutely that you get exclusive use of the table you're occupying 😂

What this is literally why I would do anything f to avoid occupying a table of 4 on my own. Because I’d hate to sit with stranger dangers and I am aware that I would not be entitled to stop them.

dynamiccactus · 14/08/2025 21:16

Neveranynamesleft · 14/08/2025 20:33

It's not just about 'standing up for yourself' ...its about sharing. It was a table for 4. Entitled beyond belief. Grow up.

It kind of depends if it was busy when the OP got there. If you arrive and there are plenty of two person tables and you ignore them and sit at a bigger table, that is entitled.

But if a 4 person table is the only one free when you walk into a cafe, then where else are you meant to go?

But I still don't think that sharing tables is in any way the norm in the UK. Occasionally yes but that's a far cry from the everyday occurrence that people are claiming it is. If there's no space you go elsewhere. The one thing that people might do is go for a smaller table and ask if they can take the chairs from yours.

dynamiccactus · 14/08/2025 21:13

VaseofViolets · 14/08/2025 20:08

Don’t behave like one, pretty easy situation to avoid.

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Seriously? You really think that women shouldn't stand up for themselves?

Who knew that you had to have a penis to be allowed an opinion.

Toomanywaterbottles · 14/08/2025 21:03

Well, the man was rude but you were completely unreasonable about the table. Of course people can sit at the table if there’s space! It’s not “your” table!

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 14/08/2025 21:01

Grammarnut · 14/08/2025 20:57

If there are no unoccupied tables one goes elsewhere or waits - one does not ask to sit at someone else's table even if one person is occupying a table for 4.

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Oh one most certainly sits at an under occupied table
one won’t be standing gazing forlornly at solo occupancy table for 4 when 3 need a seat

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 14/08/2025 20:58

In ukWe do share tables it’s a common occurrence if it’s under occupied
nando,dishoom,cafes
server will lead you to the table for three or diners seat themselves if it’s free choice

Grammarnut · 14/08/2025 20:57

Horsie · 14/08/2025 20:49

It sounds like there were no other seats available. It's not reasonable to expect someone to try to eat and drink standing up when there's a free seat available.

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If there are no unoccupied tables one goes elsewhere or waits - one does not ask to sit at someone else's table even if one person is occupying a table for 4.

Grammarnut · 14/08/2025 20:56

MounjaroMounjaro · 14/08/2025 16:32

He was really rude, but you are just one person at a four-person table, so could expect three others to sit there. Were there other empty tables?

I don't expect random people to join my table in a restaurant/eating place. And though 2 is probably ok, OP found herself sitting next to a stranger, and an obnoxious one at that, who told her to move. This is poor behaviour.
If this is the UK, then routinely we do not share tables with strangers in a place where we are eating evening if it is crowded and there are no other tables (it's not like a Lion's Corner House in 1930!). Sometimes OK to join a pub table if the tables are large - but one asks!

NPET · 14/08/2025 20:53

Ime, most men consider us to be here to look good and ensure that they get what they want. I've seen it time and time again where I work. If I dare to serve a woman first (if she was there first), some men are visibly put out & they'll let me know.

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 14/08/2025 20:50

Panterusblackish · 14/08/2025 20:34

Nobody should be sitting down at an already occupied table unlessthe occupant is 100 per cent happy. It is not the social norm in the UK to share tables and in this case it was first come first served.

Glad you stood your ground OP.

Now you're simply making things up about social norms. Busy cafe,food market nandos etc you will share if over occupy a table for 4