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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DP’s friend should give him a lift home

86 replies

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:42

DP doesn’t drive, and is meeting a friend later round the corner from his work.

I’m picking him up when he’s done (with our toddler in tow). It’s about a 20/25 min round trip for me.

It would be about a 10 min detour for his friend if he was to drop him home after.

AIBU to feel a bit miffed that he hasn’t offered? Probably not helped by the fact I’ll have to rush dinner etc either before or after due to the time it will be.

OP posts:
Lafufufu · 14/08/2025 14:30

Feel annoyed at your dhs uselessness.

  1. He cant drive
2.he cant arrange his social life so as not to inconvenience you 3.he cant use his words and arrange a lift himself.

I'd be very unimpressed with his failures to adult

pontipinemum · 14/08/2025 14:29

Tell him to ask his friend. I wouldn't automatically think to offer my friend a lift. I'd just assume the were sorted. Does the friend know there won't be a bus and you'll be going out with the toddler to go get DH? Doubtful.

devildeepbluesea · 14/08/2025 14:29

It’s not a waste of money if that’s the only way he can get home. It’s not your DH’s mate’s responsibility to save him money.
And with the money your DH saves not getting driving lessons, buying, insuring and running a car he can bloody well get his own taxi home.

Skybluepinky · 14/08/2025 14:26

If he wants to go out he should get his own way home, it you can’t be bothered to go and pick him up, not up to his friend to do so.

viques · 14/08/2025 14:24

If you are the only driver in the household but your DP expects you to drive him around , how do you work out the costs of your car. Road tax, insurance, fuel, depreciation, MOT, repairs, servicing. Is he contributing to these costs through shared finances, because the advantages of there being a driver in your family is huge in terms of convenience and you should not be shouldering all the costs of this advantage . Not that sharing the costs means that you are at his beck and call when it comes to lifts. Especially when the lifts are needed at very inconvenient times re your child’s needs.

beastieboysontour · 14/08/2025 14:16

Why not get an electric bike ? Would take him a whole 5mins tops to get home !

ilovesooty · 14/08/2025 14:15

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:56

No. He did lessons years ago and didn’t get on with it. Has said for years he will get round to it but has done nothing. He’s 41

Show quote history

Well in that case it's not for others to indulge his decision, and his friend is certainly not under any obligation to. I don't think you should run around after him either.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/08/2025 14:06

I agree he needs to factor in taxis to his budget as a non-driver. Or leave earlier so he can get the bus. Not drag the OP out with a toddler so he can have an evening out, esp as he is a non driver by choice.

FOJN · 14/08/2025 14:06

Your husband has decided not to learn to drive. He has also decided to meet his friend in a location where he cannot use public transport to get home. He could have asked his friend for a lift.

You are resentful of his friend for not offering a taxi service because now that responsibility falls to you. Perhaps if you inconvenienced your husband by refusing he might sort himself out and learn to drive.

You frustration is directed towards the wrong person.

SirBasil · 14/08/2025 14:06

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:48

Bus. The route to our area stops by the time he will be done.

Taxi seems a waste of £15/20

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while i think it would be kind of the friend to offer to drop him off - i get thoroughly fed up of 2 of my non-driving friends (one of whom bangs on about how she's personally saving the world because of it) expecting me to offer to drop them home after we've been somewhere.

So i generally don't now. And we meet up less... When my husband didn't drive, i nearly always collected him, and never expected anyone to bring him home, although it was nice if they offered.

EmeraldRoulette · 14/08/2025 14:05

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:48

Bus. The route to our area stops by the time he will be done.

Taxi seems a waste of £15/20

Show quote history

Well neither your DH nor I have the cost of running a car. So I'd get a cab unless offered a lift. I'd never ask or be annoyed by lack of offer.

Seawolves · 14/08/2025 14:05

So he's a non driver through choice, this one's on him. He needs to sort out his own transport and stop depending on others to ferry him around.

sillysmiles · 14/08/2025 14:04

It's a 20 minute round trip. That's nothing. I'm not sure why it's even an issue for you.

Owmyelbow · 14/08/2025 14:04

Then it's up to him to get himself home id say.

CopperWhite · 14/08/2025 14:02

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:56

No. He did lessons years ago and didn’t get on with it. Has said for years he will get round to it but has done nothing. He’s 41

Show quote history

Then why do you have a problem with him paying for a taxi out of his own money?

beAsensible1 · 14/08/2025 13:58

Yes but taxis should be part of his plan for his evening? And factored into the cost.

he first drive so he needs to factor the cost of transport into his journeys. HE should be asking his friend.

why is any of it your problem.

Original poster
Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:56

Owmyelbow · 14/08/2025 13:55

Is there a medical reason he can't drive?

No. He did lessons years ago and didn’t get on with it. Has said for years he will get round to it but has done nothing. He’s 41

OP posts:
Owmyelbow · 14/08/2025 13:55

Is there a medical reason he can't drive?

Someiremember · 14/08/2025 13:54

You’ll spend more than 10 mins on this thread op

Someiremember · 14/08/2025 13:53

Kids to consider?
Does this happen frequently?
what’s the screaming rush for dinner?

MamaElephantMama · 14/08/2025 13:53

It would have been nice to have been offered a lift but then it inconveniences them almost as much as it would you. A twenty minute round trip for you isn’t much considering it sounds like a one off.

CopperWhite · 14/08/2025 13:53

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:48

Bus. The route to our area stops by the time he will be done.

Taxi seems a waste of £15/20

Show quote history

It’s not a waste if it saves you stress and allows your DP to spend time with friends.

You must live quite rurally if your busses stop when it’s still a toddlers dinner time. I would consider moving somewhere closer to transport routes as your DP doesn’t drive, otherwise this problem is only going to grow as your child/children get older.

beAsensible1 · 14/08/2025 13:50

Most adults plan how they get home when they make arrangements. Why are you rushing to pick him up like a childminder. He should figure it out himself

Pwyl · 14/08/2025 13:49

if it’s inconvenient for you just like dh make his own way home be that public transport or taxi. Yabu to be miffed at his friend, be miffed at your dh, who opts straight for you picking them up.

neverbeenskiing · 14/08/2025 13:49

Has your DP actually asked him for a lift?