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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DP’s friend should give him a lift home

86 replies

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:42

DP doesn’t drive, and is meeting a friend later round the corner from his work.

I’m picking him up when he’s done (with our toddler in tow). It’s about a 20/25 min round trip for me.

It would be about a 10 min detour for his friend if he was to drop him home after.

AIBU to feel a bit miffed that he hasn’t offered? Probably not helped by the fact I’ll have to rush dinner etc either before or after due to the time it will be.

OP posts:
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beAsensible1 · 15/08/2025 18:07

Why do none of these people who can’t drive and no bus service, just get a bloody bicycle.

otherwise pay the taxi money.

BreadInCaptivity · 14/08/2025 18:19

If you don’t drive you have the financial benefit of not having the costs of buying and running a car.

That funds your access to public transportation and or taxis when required.

Its not up to others to make detours to take you your destination (or rather your other halves).

You are looking at the wrong person here and if you don’t like giving your partner lifts then don’t and especially don’t blame others for whom it might also be inconvenient.

Over the years I’ve worked with a few non drivers. Most were totally independent in getting where they needed to go and didn’t expect lifts. If offered they were grateful (and offered petrol money) but never asked or expected.

A small minority though felt that “detours” such as you describe (or much longer) were of no consequence nor was how often they were expected/demanded/pestered for.

You might want to guess which cohort actually got offered the most lifts…..

JustFeedMeCake · 14/08/2025 18:05

Man deliberately chooses not to drive. YABU.

FOJN · 14/08/2025 18:03

Eyepoint · 14/08/2025 17:50

No, she's saying she thinks £15/20 for a taxi is a waste and would prefer to go and get him to save money, but would prefer it more if friend did it.

I'd do it for my DH, but if OP doesn't want to, let him spend the £15.

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She explicitly says in her OP that she's miffed the friend hasn't offered and she will have to rush dinner to do it.

In your argument her doing all the driving is fine if the husband is bringing something else to the table but it seems that OP wants her husband's friend to enable his refusal to learn to drive when that role is inconvenient for her.

Whaleandsnail6 · 14/08/2025 17:51

Yabu.

Your husband needs to facilitate his own journey home whether that be walking, bike, taxi or bus

Eyepoint · 14/08/2025 17:50

FOJN · 14/08/2025 17:48

Except on this occasion OP is annoyed that her husband's friend is not providing a taxi service which she feels means she will have to even though the timing is inconvenient for her.

It's their business if they have an arrangement where she is the driver and he contributes to the relationship with skills she doesn't have but she has posted on public forum complaining that a third party isn't filling in for her.

Edited
Show quote history

No, she's saying she thinks £15/20 for a taxi is a waste and would prefer to go and get him to save money, but would prefer it more if friend did it.

I'd do it for my DH, but if OP doesn't want to, let him spend the £15.

FOJN · 14/08/2025 17:48

Eyepoint · 14/08/2025 15:14

Some of these responses seem very strange to me. He has tried and found it difficult for him. Some people do. He must have skills OP doesn't, that's how marriage works.

Ideally he'd learn, but it the meantime, it's not that big an ask. I'm sure if was a very frequent request OP would have mentioned that! If she really doesn't want to do it he can get a cab or ask his friend. I'm sure his friend asks him for favours occasionally.

Even if he could drive, he'd likely want/need a lift in this situation anyway.

Except on this occasion OP is annoyed that her husband's friend is not providing a taxi service which she feels means she will have to even though the timing is inconvenient for her.

It's their business if they have an arrangement where she is the driver and he contributes to the relationship with skills she doesn't have but she has posted on public forum complaining that a third party isn't filling in for her.

Sh291 · 14/08/2025 16:46

Hes a grown man and should be responsible for getting himself to places if he won't/can't drive. Does he expect his work colleagues to drive him to work too?

Snorlaxo · 14/08/2025 16:32

If he’s not drinking then is renting a bike or scooter possible where you live?

Beammeupscotty2025 · 14/08/2025 16:28

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:56

No. He did lessons years ago and didn’t get on with it. Has said for years he will get round to it but has done nothing. He’s 41

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Unless it s for medical reasons I don’t accomodate non drivers. They are CF’s imo especially if they expect it. Sounds like yoor DH doesn’t expect it only you!

Eyepoint · 14/08/2025 16:07

Leilaandtheloggerheads · 14/08/2025 15:58

That’s the price you pay for being a non driver. Though he could offset that against what he’s saved by not running a car 🤣

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Quite and actually it makes perfect sense. It's OP, not her DH, who thinks he should get a lift to save £15.

icouldholditwithacobweb · 14/08/2025 16:03

Can you compromise and see if his friend can take him part way home and you can pick him up at a convenient meeting point, so the journey is shorter for you and not a detour for his friend?

But no, it's not reasonable to expect his friend to take on the burden of dropping your DH home.

Chompingatthebeat · 14/08/2025 16:01

Leilaandtheloggerheads · 14/08/2025 15:58

That’s the price you pay for being a non driver. Though he could offset that against what he’s saved by not running a car 🤣

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Quite, running a car ain't cheap

1987qwerty · 14/08/2025 15:59

Maybe a lift was offered only to be told that you're picking him up.

Leilaandtheloggerheads · 14/08/2025 15:58

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:48

Bus. The route to our area stops by the time he will be done.

Taxi seems a waste of £15/20

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That’s the price you pay for being a non driver. Though he could offset that against what he’s saved by not running a car 🤣

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 14/08/2025 15:58

You're miffed at the wrong person. It's not the friends job to be a taxi driver because your husband can't be arsed to learn to drive, any more than it is yours. Tell your husband to either learn to drive or start paying for taxis

Chompingatthebeat · 14/08/2025 15:57

Could he get a bicycle?

VickyEadieofThigh · 14/08/2025 15:55

I didn't learn to drive until I was 30 but I never once expected anyone to drive me home if I went out - neither friends nor DP. This is because I was a grown-up.

Chompingatthebeat · 14/08/2025 15:53

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:48

Bus. The route to our area stops by the time he will be done.

Taxi seems a waste of £15/20

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Well its not a waste if it saves you doing it, depends how much you value your time

Strawberrysummer25 · 14/08/2025 15:52

He is never going to get round to learning if others give him lifts, he needs inconvenience to spur him on.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 14/08/2025 15:49

Non-drivers through choice have no right to expect anyone to give them a lift. That’s why people learn how to drive.

The non-driver should arrange their own way home. The fact you have a toddler is completely irrelevant to his friend.

PurpleThistle7 · 14/08/2025 15:44

Yeah you have a husband problem, not a friend problem. He can ask his friend for a lift but his friend has no obligation.

Coconutter24 · 14/08/2025 15:44

Maybe the friend has his own family to get home to or other commitments or hasn’t offered because it’s not his responsibility to take your DH home.

SultanOfSwing · 14/08/2025 15:43

If your husband’s friend offered, then of course that would be great. But you are wholly unreasonable to expect the friend to offer.

Eyepoint · 14/08/2025 15:31

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:48

Bus. The route to our area stops by the time he will be done.

Taxi seems a waste of £15/20

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Is it you or him who thinks £15 is a waste?. It's only 2 pints. I'd guess he's happy to pay?