Mum says IABU using some of DD’s bits for baby boy due soon

My first baby was a boy, born in Southern California as we were there temporarily. Husband was on a post doc salary (a pittance) at the time so most stuff was second hand and many of his clothes were handed down from his cousin who had, in turn inherited them from his cousin - a girl! Coupled with this I called him by a name that is very normal for boys in the UK but is pretty exclusively used for girls in California. So I would be out with my baby, dressed in pink and be asked his name.... "Oh what a lovely little girl" would come the response. Their eyebrows would disappear through their hairlines when I said, "No, he's a boy!" I could imagine them wondering what major problem I had with gender. He is now in the army, happily married and has a baby of his own on the way. I really don't think I have damaged him either physically or psychologically!

Same here! I bought new mattresses for the crib and the cot but that was it. I also had a new changing bag as the first one was tatty. Once I knew DS was a boy I did pass on some of the girly clothes that I knew I wouldn’t use but the babygros, vests etc all just had a wash and were ready to go. They didn’t last long though… DS was a GIANT compared to DD!

I didn't find out DS sex til he was born. I had loads of neutral stuff, loads of hand-me-down from cousins etc.
I wouldn't have given a crap what colour muslins were as we got through so many.
I would probably tend to agree with your mum only on the infant car seat. But that's safety not appearance

Apart from the car seat she is being ridiculous.

I thought everyone used barely used baby things again for their second baby. Your mum seriously thinks you should buy everything again? That’s lunacy.

She is being ridiculous - if she is paying let her !!!!

I have a DD and DS (2o month age gap) and I went one step further than you - used some vest babygros (predominantly white but with the odd fairy on ) as well as the odd pair of neutral tights (we had a puppy who had a sock fetish)

As he got older he loved to dress up in his siter's princess dresses and wanted his toenails painted too.

Of course I have evicence in the form of photos to bring out every so often :)

Your mum needs to give her head a wobble !

Congrats and enjoy your little boy !

A 'good nan' doesn't constantly criticise and undermine the child's mother.

I would be tempted to dye the muslins black! Although that might unleash even more batshittery 😆

She's buying into consumerism.

Her views are wasteful- both for the environment and your bank balance

Keep doing what you're doing, don't let her affect you

Your mother is being a twat. I had a boy then a girl and she got all his hand-me-downs that hadn't already been passed on to his cousins! She didn't care. She didn't know!

Just ignore your mother. You're doing the right thing for the planet by reusing stuff anyway. That's far more important for the future of your children than what your mum thinks.

Your mother is bonkers. Does she think your son will catch gayness from pink muslins?

My DD wore blue babygrows, trousers etc that DS1 used as a baby; in turn DS2 wore both his brother's old stuff and his sister's pink babygrows etc. None of them have been scarred by this dreadful experience.

This. Nothing wrong at all I used moses basket with new mattress, car seat, bouncer chair and reused lots of other items.

Nod, smile, agree, understood mum-then carry on as you were.

Excellent move to reuse what you can - regardless of colour. And if money isn’t an issue- save that money for when DS has clothing preferences. Or for making life easier for you in any possible way with 2 under 3!

FWIW, the only thing we bought new for DS was a changing mat (which we later gave to a neighbour for when her granddaughter was there).

My son wore his sister's hand- me- down pink anorak to primary school, and occasionally her vests with My Little Pony on the front. He was never bothered and neither were his dad or myself. There was plenty of wear left in them.

I honestly think you are doing what most people do when they have a second child or third child. I had my younger daughter in all sorts of my sons things. She finally refused his pyjamas at age 4. There is no need to replace anything that hasn't been in accident. They are babies they are NEVER GOING TO KNOW. Ignore your mum! Good luck xx

Ignore her. She's nuts.

If you're in the mood to bait her though, just keep asking why.

Her: 'You can't use those muslins for a boy, they're pink!'
You: 'Why, what will happen?'
Her: 'Well... someone might think he's a girl!'
You: 'Why is that a problem, he's a baby, he won't know or care.'
Her: But... but...

Just keep going, every time she says something batshit, ask why will it matter, why is it an issue, what will happen if someone gets his gender wrong?

Eventually it should piss her off enough to shut her up.

Oh, for Heaven's sake, mother, it's all going to get covered with shit and puke by the end of the day.

YANBU. I even intentionally choose the neutral colours of things for my DD with the intention of the next baby using them and the possibility of them being a boy. Other than clothes I tend not to buy her any pink stuff as I want to reuse as much as I can. You should definitely reuse as much as possible IMO. Baby stuff is expensive and gets used for such a small space of time it would be ridiculous to buy all new every time

Oh wow, with no disrespect your mum is batshit crazy. I am due with my second next week and am reusing EVERYTHING that I can!! Car seat, high chair, bibs, vests, clothes, pram, etc. why on earth would you go buy a whole load of new stuff when you have perfectly usable things already?? That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Who cares what colour any of it is? My firstborn is a boy and one of his favourite things to do is play with my make up, and I couldn’t care less (although my expensive foundation does get taken away from him…) Half the clothes we have were second hand in the first place as people very generously gave us their old stuff and does the baby care? Nope, not even a little! We’ve bought a couple new outfits for this little one and a different coming home outfit but that is all. You do whatever is right for you and your little family! Congratulations and good luck!

You are being sensible reusing whatever you can, save your money for other things. Ignore her.

Yanbu, and a completely sensible mother. Baby will not care and as long as you are not dressing him in pink head to toe, it will be fine. I used a lot of DS’s stuff on dd. It’s actually quite sweet to see It passed down.

I also think it’s fine to use car seats and cots between children. This country is absolutely fucking ridiculous about those things being brand new. What do you think happens in less privileged countries where millions and millions of children are completely fine.

I hate this "pink is for girls" rubbish. It's a bloody colour. Ignore her.

DM is absolutely ridiculous. Is she as wasteful in her own life?

My son had tonnes of blue stuff gifted by people and it was still routine for people to call him a girl because he has long eyelashes.

So maybe she ought to sew the word boy onto everything just in case someone makes such an egregious error?