Mum says IABU using some of DD’s bits for baby boy due soon

Oh just ignore your mum. Or remind her that until very recent times, baby boys were dressed in pink and girls in blue.

I'm in the process of building savings. My 11yo's clothes are all away for my 6m old in a cupboard. My plan is buy hardly any clothes for my baby and build savings instead. This is responsible and environmentally friendly and your MIL has status anxiety. Buy her Alain de Botton's book for Christmas 🎁

How ridiculous!

My eldest DS struggled to sleep because he always threw his blanket and sheet off (he's 26 now for context). I went to a nearly new sale, saw a pink all in one sleep suit, bought it and he slept (literally) like a baby! His younger brother also slept extremely well in it!

It's only a colour!

Just to add
You are an adult
You don't need to JADE
Justify
Argue
Defend
Explain

Just a flat OK or say nothing

This
Your mother is toxic and is looking for reasons to criticise and upset you.
Newsflash
You can do what you like, it's your baby

Just reply OK and change the subject
She wants to get you doubting and upset
Stop playing her game

“Fine Mum, you can buy him all blue things if you are so worried. But personally I think it’s more important for my kids to grow up caring about the planet and understanding the importance of it recycling.” Job done and try to ignore her little snipes.

Loads of kids I know grow up wearing a lot of their siblings hand me downs - even the ones of opposite sex. Many boys like pink and many girls like dinosaurs or cars. Imo they only really start to notice the social gender stereotyping stuff more once they are about school age- your baby and likely even your toddler won’t care.

ETA: Also ime young kids are quick enough to correct you if you use the wrong pronouns for them (easy enough to do since longer hair is common now for boys too and loads of kids wear neutral coloured clothes as well) - they don’t seem to get offended like adults do and just say “I’m a boy/girl” in a matter of fact way.

Are you sure she isn't jealous of you, OP? I often think that when a mother-daughter relationship is strained, and the mother is highly critical, it is usually rooted in jealousy.

Could your mother be feeling jealous that you are about to have another newborn in your family?

I'm not excusing her behaviour, btw. Just trying to help you make sense of it. How do you think she'd react if you called her out?

YANBU

your mother is being an idiot FFS think of the planet, assuming different sexes no one removes everything the first child has touched in case it somehow turns the second child into the same sex as the first.

the worst that is going to happen if you take ds out head to toe in pink is someone is going to ask what your daughters name is or how many weeks old she is! You just smile and say Thomas! Then you can all have a good laugh about it.

Your DM is bonkers - just ignore her nonsense. Of course it’s fine to reuse whatever you can.
As for ‘outfits’ for a small baby, they’re usually just a waste of money, besides being less comfortable for the baby than babygros, or summer versions if it’s hot.

My Gdd1 at 3 months did wear a pretty little dress for dd and SiL’s wedding, but that was the extent of ‘outfits’ here! X

Ignore her OP. I total agree re “outfits”. I only bought babygros/ Vests for mine for the first few months on the advice of my sister and he just lived in them. Ironically my sister herself bought him outfits that were completely impractical and he mostly to never wore due to being wrong size for the season.

I reused everything for DD (she has a brother 2 years older). She was clean and comfy so it didn’t really matter. She did get a few new items but most of the basic items were hand me downs.
Most stuff then got passed onto friends’ kids (boys and girls) and has now been used by 4 or 5 babies.

I actually regret not buying more stuff secondhand, apart from the car seat and mattress it really didn’t need to be new.

It saves you money and it’s better for the environment. I really wouldn’t give it any more thought (your son isn’t going to care if he sleeps in a floral sleepsuit or has dribble mopped up with a pink bib!)

Please ignore your mother, and try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Some of our baby stuff (mostly the particularly cute babygros in smaller sizes) ended up being used for my two, and their four cousins (the six of them are: girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, girl). Most baby clothes just don't get much use because they are grown out of so quickly. It was lovely to see our favourites coming round again, especially a cow print and the one we called 'Little Star', which was red with purple stars on it. Didn't cross my mind that some of the vests/ babygros might be gender specific, because neither I nor my SIL go in for that 'Mummy's Little Princess' stuff. Also... who buys a new Moses basket or swing for each baby? That would be madness. Can you imagine the waste, even with the six kids SIL and I have between us? All of them were singletons... obviously you'd have to have more than one set of new things if you had multiples.

@baby2incoming

You're right & your mother is bonkers. Ignore her. 🤦‍♀️

She is being ridiculous. I have 2DDs and have reused a lot of the same clothes. Most were still in very good condition and my niece has also had great use out of them and sister in law has passed them on again.

I used used same next to me, swinging chair, steriliser, bath seat etc. It was all thoroughly cleaned and stored safely. Personally love seeing them in pics where they have both had the same outfit on and love it when sister in law sends pics of niece in the clothes.

Anything stained or scruffy went in the bin.

Has she always been a nasty manipulative cow? Ignore her.

@baby2incoming tell her it's a waste of money. She is ridiculous. show her the thread and she can see she's in the minority. As for pink - it used to be THE colour for males in the past. She can look it up LOL

Is this right @baby2incoming ? You're heavily pregnant, awash with hormones, tired and in need of support and your DM is upsetting you over babygros and muslin cloths? Tell her you're expecting a baby, not the line-up for Paris Fashion Week and what other people (especially strangers) think couldn't possibly be less relevant.

Ignore her. Both my boys had a pink Moses basket handed down from dniece (with new mattresses each time). They are used for such a short space of time it would be such a waste to buy new each time.

I agree with this. My mum is like this too, it doesn't matter what I do, it's always wrong and she always knows the 'right' way to do it. It's bloody hard isn't it OP? I really wish I could have a lovely relationship with my mum but I can't.

Bonkers but you know she is being batsh*t. I wouldn't waste your braincells being concerned about it.

Perhaps a way around it is to positively redirect her towards stuff you don't have?

I would ask her to hold fire until your son is here because
a) babies in the same family are often very differently sized
b) even when they are not, if born in different seasons they are completely the wrong size for the season of the garment.
c) winter clothes aren't in shops yet.

Would you like small baby hat and fleece lined mittens for example? A snowsuit? DC2 tend to be out and about a lot more in bad weather as you don't have much choice with a toddler to run around after.

I would also consider making a pointed comment that while you can see she is very excited to have a grandson on the way, the nature of the comments mean you are concerned that she is going to favour a grandson over her existing granddaughter...

"Dear mother - I have been mulling over what you said about the new baby needing new things in blue rather than anything his sister has worn. I guess you will object to my plan to continue to dress him in DDs hand me downs until he is old enough to buy his own clothes? I was looking forward to seeing him going to school in a dress".

Stupid I know, but no more so than your DM. Try not to take it too seriously. But its also ok to tell her its not ok for her to upset you like this. You take care, OP.

You are sensible and right, and your mum is being ridiculous!

Don’t let her upset you. Just carry on exactly as you are doing.

Tell your mother that as she is already DD’s grandmother you will be recruiting one for just your DS. Obviously they cannot share anything’s. Hope she doesn’t mind, you’ve a lovely local lady lined up.

Your mum sounds like she could have an argument in an empty room - if you had been out and replaced everything she'd have criticised you for not reusing perfectly good things.
There is literally no pleasing some people, don't let her silliness ruin your nesting - you sound like you're doing a great job.
ignore her, she's being a twat.

We were too poor, everything recycled. My friends and family gifted too for second baby.