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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mum says IABU using some of DD’s bits for baby boy due soon

259 replies

baby2incoming · 14/08/2025 11:46

Hi everyone

I’m not going to drip feed so I’ll preface this by saying my Mum and I have a difficult relationship mostly, we are complete opposites in terms of personality and we’ve always clashed however she is a good Nan to DD and they have a great relationship so I stay civil for DD’s sake.

DD is 2, I’m due in 3 weeks with a baby boy.

Mum came over yesterday and I had his clothes and muslins etc drying ready to pack away and fill hospital bag.

Mum noticed that I had some pink muslins hanging to dry and asked me why as my 2yo no longer uses them, I said I was using for DS when he’s born (I have about 5 that aren’t stained and in perfect condition so they’ve been stored in case we ever had more). She told me I was ridiculous and couldn’t use pink muslins for a baby boy, I asked why and she got argumentative telling me people will assume he’s a girl bla bla, I explained I don’t really care to be honest, it’s to cover his neck if he dribbles milk/mop up any milky sick/swaddle him if it’s too hot for him to be swaddled in a blanket. She wasn’t happy and insisted she was going shopping to buy him some boy appropriate ones (what even is this?! He’s a baby for goodness sake). I have also topped up and bought some blue and white ones, I used to go through about 4 a day with DD as she was a sicky baby.

She then proceeded to ask me if that’s “all the babygrows and vests that I have for him and no outfits”. We’ve got 14 babygrows, 14 vests and 3 hats each in 3 different sizes (newborn mostly up to 8lb, up to 1 month mostly up to 11lbs and 0-3 months). We haven’t bought any outfits as DD’s were wasted, she was a May baby and lived in vests and babygrows for the first 3 months as it was what was most comfortable for her. I ended up giving most of her outfits away brand new with labels to the local mother and baby unit.

She is also aghast that we are reusing DD’s Moses basket (plain white and wicker), we’ve replaced the little mattress as like I said DD was a sicky baby so the mattress is fresh. I also haven’t bought a new changing mat or swing seat.

I ended up in tears last night to DH feeling guilty towards DS, I think hormones don’t help. DH told me to absolutely ignore her and if I did want to go and buy some new stuff like a new Moses basket then let’s do it as he didn’t want me upset, I don’t want to, we are fine for money so that’s not a factor I just would rather save it for days out etc rather than buy a load of stuff we’ve already got that’s in perfect condition.

Any advice on how to handle this? Am I wrong for reusing? This is 100% our last baby so once he’s grown out of all of this, it’ll all be going to charity anyway. Should I be buying more blue things?

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 15/08/2025 16:34

baby2incoming · 14/08/2025 17:38

Wow I didn’t expect so many replies, I’m just catching up but thank you so much for making me feel better and not guilty anymore that baby boy barely has anything new!

I’m going to send my Mum the following text, do you think it sounds okay?

“Hi Mum, just wanted to talk about our disagreement yesterday when it came to babies clothes and using (daughters name) stuff again. I think we clearly have very different approaches to parenting and even life in general, which we’ve acknowledged in the past. I don’t want to fall out but I’d appreciate if you kept your opinions to yourself when it comes to how (DH name) and I parent and what we choose to spend money on. You know that (daughter’s name) has never gone without and neither will this baby. I’d appreciate if you didn’t buy us any outfits or muslins as we already have a lot of stuff and I’m not sure we will use the outfits as we didn’t with “daughters name”. If you would like to buy him something, what would be really helpful is buying him an all in one snow suit for winter so in size 3-6 months, that would be really appreciated as the one we had for “daughters name” will be far too big for him still at winter. Thanks.”

Excellent message.

Your DM is being ridiculous and incredibly wasteful. Tell her my very healthy 17 year old slept in a hand me down Moses basket after a friend’s 3 DC had finished with it. I passed it back and she gave it to another family. I bought a new mattress and bedding for it, but why on earth would you say no to a good quality item?

WutheringTights · 15/08/2025 16:03

user9064385631 · 14/08/2025 11:58

She’s being daft.
My DS wore dd’s hand me downs till old enough to object! Tell her you're being environmentally conscious!

😂 My DD is ten and still wears DS’s hand me down school uniform as she likes wearing trousers. It’s a waste otherwise.

Tell her you’re doing it for the good of the planet!

Dozydoats · 15/08/2025 15:39

baby2incoming · 14/08/2025 17:38

Wow I didn’t expect so many replies, I’m just catching up but thank you so much for making me feel better and not guilty anymore that baby boy barely has anything new!

I’m going to send my Mum the following text, do you think it sounds okay?

“Hi Mum, just wanted to talk about our disagreement yesterday when it came to babies clothes and using (daughters name) stuff again. I think we clearly have very different approaches to parenting and even life in general, which we’ve acknowledged in the past. I don’t want to fall out but I’d appreciate if you kept your opinions to yourself when it comes to how (DH name) and I parent and what we choose to spend money on. You know that (daughter’s name) has never gone without and neither will this baby. I’d appreciate if you didn’t buy us any outfits or muslins as we already have a lot of stuff and I’m not sure we will use the outfits as we didn’t with “daughters name”. If you would like to buy him something, what would be really helpful is buying him an all in one snow suit for winter so in size 3-6 months, that would be really appreciated as the one we had for “daughters name” will be far too big for him still at winter. Thanks.”

I disagree with those saying it’s too long. It’s fine.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/08/2025 00:10

She’s being ridiculous and I think you shouldn’t see her again until the baby is at least a few weeks old

Zanatdy · 14/08/2025 23:08

She is being ridiculous. I re-used everything like cot / pram / moses basket (got new mattress for both as you’re supposed to with each new baby), sheets, baby grows etc. It wouldn’t have bothered me to use pink / blue for different sex babies. Let her spend her money if she wants, she is crazy for thinking a baby will care what colour its muslin is! I’d try and keep anything relating to baby limited if she’s only going to make comment. My mum was a bit like that and interfering with my oldest who I had when I was still living at home. It was refreshing having no 2 and 3 250 miles away!

Eenameenadeeka · 14/08/2025 23:04

You are absolutely fine and she's being rediculous.

seven201 · 14/08/2025 23:02

There’s seven and a half years between my two girls and second child used the old car seat (it was still in date), and everything else (except crib mattress) as I’d stored it for so bloody long (didn’t want a big gap) it had to be used. For dd1 I did buy quite a lot from the boys section as I thought our second may be a boy and I like dinosaurs, so just got whatever I liked. Both babies were generally assumed to be boys whether they were wearing purple, a bit of pink or navy.

Your mother is crazy. Next time give her an eye roll and tell her not be so ridiculous.

Jeska7 · 14/08/2025 20:37

Don’t be bullied by her. Make it clear it’s up to you. He’s your baby. Don’t feel bad at all. It’s entirely up to you what you do. No baby is going to know or care the colour of outfits etc as long as they are comfortable. There will always be some people (as you’ve realised) that think everything must be new. But why? Why waste money? Plus saving the planet and all that. Most people I know would be re-using equipment and clothes etc. It’s nice to have a few new things for a new baby, but you’ve probably got a few things anyway. Or likely will be bought them anyway.

lovemycbf · 14/08/2025 20:33

Your mother is being utterly ridiculous
most people reuse baby things.
politely tell her to stop nagging and your happy reusing the baby bits and her going on is upsetting you

vickylou78 · 14/08/2025 20:20

Don't say the 'keep your opinions to yourself bit about parenting and spending money' as that will likely cause a massive upset. Keep it to the practical side of it, we already have to much etc etc. thinking of the environment etc.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 14/08/2025 20:09

I find your mums attitude absolutely ridiculous.

Did she grow up very poor? Does she feel shame at the idea of secondhand?
I've had boy girl boy and every child has worn each other's clothes.

Also I've always thought of the pretty patterned Muslins more for us mums- I've purposefully bought girly ones with my boys for me!

EmBear91 · 14/08/2025 20:03

Your mum sounds absolutely ridiculous! We have bags of clothes from my daughter & don’t think we’ll need to buy hardly anything for at least the first year for our next one - regardless of sex. Clothes are clothes. We also will be reusing Moses basket, changing mate, baby bath & bedside cot (just buying new mattresses as you mentioned). I would just ignore her honestly.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 14/08/2025 19:48

I think its too long and what she will see is you saying keep your opinions to yourself.. when there are better ways to express that.. and then asking for her to buy something.
Also.. it doesn't really say what you want her to do about the different parenting.
It would be better as two separate conversations.

“Hi Mum, just wanted to talk about our disagreement yesterday on babies clothes and using (daughters name) stuff again. (daughter’s name) has never gone without and neither will this baby. We already have so many similar outfits and muslins for the early months and I’m not sure we will even use them all as we didn’t with “daughters name”.
It's not worth getting stressed over baby clothes as I'm finding these last weeks of pregnancy very hard going and need to keep as calm as possible.
DH and I have to learn to parent independently in our own way, but we will ask for advice when we need to."

TheSandgroper · 14/08/2025 17:53

@baby2incoming far too many words. Just say “mum, it will be fine” on repeat and bring up the snow suit idea later..

EverythingElseIsTaken · 14/08/2025 17:39

Clothing is mainly interchangeable! I had a video chat with DD this afternoon - she was wearing a t-shirt and I said “Dave” (DS) had one just like that. “I know” she says “he gave it to me when I was last down because it’s too short for him now” - and he’s her baby (now adult) brother!

Original poster
baby2incoming · 14/08/2025 17:38

Wow I didn’t expect so many replies, I’m just catching up but thank you so much for making me feel better and not guilty anymore that baby boy barely has anything new!

I’m going to send my Mum the following text, do you think it sounds okay?

“Hi Mum, just wanted to talk about our disagreement yesterday when it came to babies clothes and using (daughters name) stuff again. I think we clearly have very different approaches to parenting and even life in general, which we’ve acknowledged in the past. I don’t want to fall out but I’d appreciate if you kept your opinions to yourself when it comes to how (DH name) and I parent and what we choose to spend money on. You know that (daughter’s name) has never gone without and neither will this baby. I’d appreciate if you didn’t buy us any outfits or muslins as we already have a lot of stuff and I’m not sure we will use the outfits as we didn’t with “daughters name”. If you would like to buy him something, what would be really helpful is buying him an all in one snow suit for winter so in size 3-6 months, that would be really appreciated as the one we had for “daughters name” will be far too big for him still at winter. Thanks.”

OP posts:
skyeisthelimit · 14/08/2025 17:37

YANBU, everyone I know uses stuff for subsequent DC. And this colour thing is ridiculous. DD had a lovely blue comforter that my cousin gave her because my favourite colour is blue. I also love Eeyore so she had a blue toy...

Once though, the only time she ever wore green, a pale green sleepsuit with a pink trim, someone said "oh what a lovely baby boy" Grin.

People obviously do think pink/girl and blue/boy, but I would reuse as much stuff as you possibly can

Maxorias · 14/08/2025 17:07

Hey OP,

Your mother is bonkers.

People assumed DS2 was a girl because he had long hair (beautiful, fine white blond hair that I couldn't bring myself to cut, didn't see any reason to do it tbh).

And then assumed DD was a boy as I reused all the old stuff from my boys on her. I didn't always bother to correct people but when I did, some were horrified "but people will assume she's a boy !!"

So what ? Who cares ? Not me and not DD (she's 1.5). If she minds the hand-me-downs or asks for girly stuff as she grows, I'll get new stuff for her then.

It always baffles me why people seem to think it's SO important. It's a non-issue.

With DD the issue is compounded by the fact that her diminutive sounds boyish (for instance, say her name was Joséphine and we call her Joe). So when I say her name it just confuses people more 😂

Bigcat25 · 14/08/2025 16:06

HoppingPavlova · 14/08/2025 11:50

Don’t be silly. I used all my previous stuff when I had one of the opposite gender. Didn’t buy anything new as had enough stuff. They have no idea and who gives a shiny shit if a random stranger thinks they are the opposite gender?

Exactly. Some passing person who's walking by in the hospital or park. Who cares? Better not to waste.

Ddakji · 14/08/2025 15:58

Just to make you feel better - my granny bought my mum a Moses basket for when she was pregnant with my older sister.

That Moses basket has been used for my sister, me, my niece and DD, and will be used for any grandchildren that come along.

Ignore your mum.

FinallyHere · 14/08/2025 15:55

Any advice on how to handle this

Just laugh, smile and nod and get on with your life. Honestly, do your future self a favour and just don't listen to this nonsense.

Overtheway · 14/08/2025 15:47

She's being both ridiculous and rude. Honestly, I would tell her that her opinion isn't worth anything on this so she might as well keep it to herself (she's not bothered about your feelings so why worry about offending her). Tell her you'll apologise if his penis falls off due to the proximity to pink but you're confident he'll be just fine 😉

ChampagneLassie · 14/08/2025 15:35

Almost all my baby stuff was second hand and I didn’t give a monkeys what “gender” the clothes was. I also agree outfits are daft at that age. I just clothed mine in body suits and sleep suits till they were at least 6 months. Your baby your choice. I’d be telling your mum to buy out

notawittyname1954 · 14/08/2025 15:22

My daughter used everything from her son for her daughter. I think its v sensible especially things like muslins. And the car seat is fine too. I suppose an older generation does delineate more but I think its great to re use. Stick to your guns

4forksache · 14/08/2025 15:22

You’d be unreasonable to buy new when you don’t need to.

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