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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do managers ever just tell someone to crack on anymore?

93 replies

Havesomecommonsense · 14/08/2025 08:21

I have a really nice workplace. BUT I'm getting a bit fed up with management taking every little comment and tackling it when actually a bit of filtering or common sense is needed:
Recent examples :
A member of staff came in and brought doughnuts, left a sign on them in the staff room saying help yourself. Later in the day, my colleague came out with a doughnut and said "there's doughnuts in there" bit later, I went in, 2 colleagues were in there and I said " I heard there was doughnuts"
Next day my manager talks to me and doughnuts lady and says that one of the members of staff felt left out as when I said I heard there was doughnuts, I'd clearly been part of something they weren't as they only discovered the doughnuts when they went in the staffroom. We explained and my manager was fine but then said to doughnut lady that next time she should go round the office telling everyone so no one felt left out.
This is mental. Why didn't manager say that nothing in that situation is abnormal?
There are other examples but tbh I don't know if I can be bothered to type them out as they seem so trivial. But why is manager trying to alleviate anyone feeling anything other than joyful? It's like any fleeting normal emotion is someone else's problem to solve
Anyone sympathise?
Ps before all the performative lot come on here and say
Why are you all eating doughnuts instead of working in silence. Sounds awful, I'd hate to chat to my Co workers and have snacks, you're there to work.
We are a normal workplace just like all the others , only on MN is work like the white cubicles in Severance

OP posts:
Newbutoldfather · 14/08/2025 09:31

Absolutely ridiculous.

Management should have told the complainer to stop wasting their time.

No wonder we have a productivity issue if management give this the time of day.

Cyclebabble · 14/08/2025 09:29

In the 2020s Managers are more aware that any hint of exclusion can result in a grievance from a staff member. So your donut issue is one I would have very mildly addressed. I agree it cannot sometimes feel like you are not dealing with a grown up workforce, but grievances and potentially tribunals are hugely time consuming.

Original poster
Havesomecommonsense · 14/08/2025 09:28

I agree but why can't managers say "oh no, I don't think that, there was a note on and plenty of doughnuts. Nothing to see here , move on"

OP posts:
legolegoeverywhereandnotadroptodrink · 14/08/2025 09:27

The person who complained is a dick

Tablesandchairs23 · 14/08/2025 09:25

The colleague that moaned is the problem. How pathetic. Someone did a nice thing. It'll just stop people bringing things in.

Cutleryclaire · 14/08/2025 09:25

lmao. There’s no way I’d have ‘the donut conversation’. How embarrassing.

Original poster
Havesomecommonsense · 14/08/2025 09:21

To be fair to my manager, we weren't hauled in. We were asked to drop by and see her together .
We were both a bit baffled and did eye roll each other later. Tbh me and doughnut lady are not even that close. She's nice but I have closer work colleagues. It really is a fuss about nothing

OP posts:
queenMab99 · 14/08/2025 09:18

If anyone spoke to me about doughnut inclusivity, there would be no more communal doughnuts from me. I would rather eat them all myself, than pander to that shit.

3luckystars · 14/08/2025 09:17

DinaofCloud9 · 14/08/2025 09:15

Yes the colleague is pathetic.

totally pathetic and i would be embarrassed for them

Nessiesfoodprovider · 14/08/2025 09:16

Havesomecommonsense · 14/08/2025 09:09

Yeah totally agree with those saying the manager has to be seen to do something.
As a thought experiment though , at what point is mine and doughnut lady's mental health considered. What if being spoken to by a manager triggered us? What if the person saying they didn't know about the doughnuts made me feel so bad that I now feel excluded?
It could go on and on.
Manager is not horrible, and obviously bound by the need to do something. But I do think a bit of common sense would work in this situation.
There was nothing nefarious here . Colleague dumped doughnuts with note (no need to email as small office)
Later, a different colleague walks past enjoying doughnut and says they are in the staff room
That's it

Yup, it doesn't say much for the overall atmosphere in your workplace if you've now got people who won't do a kind thing because of getting backlash about it.
I think they were out of order hauling you in about it, you got an almighty splash from that puddle. It clearly is bothering you, it would bother me too, but I don't know if I would do anything about it. Depends on your manager and how much you want to make them squirm.

DinaofCloud9 · 14/08/2025 09:15

Yes the colleague is pathetic.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/08/2025 09:12

That would drive me nuts.

I honestly think a workplace where this sort of thing is policed is one where people don't have enough work to do. And I speak as a manager.

Original poster
Havesomecommonsense · 14/08/2025 09:09

Yeah totally agree with those saying the manager has to be seen to do something.
As a thought experiment though , at what point is mine and doughnut lady's mental health considered. What if being spoken to by a manager triggered us? What if the person saying they didn't know about the doughnuts made me feel so bad that I now feel excluded?
It could go on and on.
Manager is not horrible, and obviously bound by the need to do something. But I do think a bit of common sense would work in this situation.
There was nothing nefarious here . Colleague dumped doughnuts with note (no need to email as small office)
Later, a different colleague walks past enjoying doughnut and says they are in the staff room
That's it

OP posts:
Nessiesfoodprovider · 14/08/2025 09:09

Oh this is bonkers. Your manager needs to find more actual work to do.
It's a communal space - people are kind and bring in snacks, holiday treats etc. This happens at our place too. First come, first served. Often the comments are 'oh, who's been to X on holidays?' but we've never had someone complaining that they were left out!
If it's something special like wedding cake, that gets put at reception and an email goes round (generally with a photo of happy couple) and everyone heads there and forms an orderly queue.

Thattimeofthenight · 14/08/2025 09:06

Shit like this disgusts me to my absolute core. What a fucking wet wipe that woman is and your manager is a fanny. I’d have laughed- it’s the only suitable response. Laugh and nod and say “alright”, then laugh again.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 14/08/2025 09:04

The manager has to be seen to be doing something if a member of staff in their care makes a complaint. I think this says a lot more about the member of staff who actually went to the manager over doughnuts, and I’d be giving them a wide berth I think as they are obviously fragile (which means very likely to misinterpret any tiny thing I say or do).

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 14/08/2025 09:03

.

Blobbitymacblob · 14/08/2025 09:02

I had absolutely no idea when I was starting out in the workplace, that being noticeably chattier with my friend, who also worked there, was leading another person to feel left out. We needed to make an effort to tone it down, and draw the other person in, because it was a professional environment.

The problem with workplace exclusion is that it’s all petty, tiny, often thoughtless stuff, and not necessarily caused by any ill intent. In the adult work world, there is an onus on everyone to contribute positively to the work environment. But we learn survival strategies for school and carry them on through adulthood.

If someone had complained about feeling excluded, the manager might have just seized on the recent, concrete example of the doughnuts.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/08/2025 08:59

Daisyvodka · 14/08/2025 08:48

That is ridiculous, but speaking as a former manager, these kind of incidents are exactly the kind of thing that get packaged into grievance cases against managers with other tiny things as a sign of 'exclusion'. Now, tiny things add up to a bigger picture, with context, and sometimes that makes it clear there is some passive aggression bullying going on from a manager, but this is why mamagers get worried about it, even if its not why it was intended.
And before anyone says it, its not just Gen Z - i have worked with people of all ages and people 40+ were the most obsessed with bullying, cliques, 'if your face fits' - probably because they came of age in workplaces where that kind of behaviour from management was indeed a lot more rife!

I can see this point, and I can also see the point of the pp who suggest a email mentioning the doughnuts would have worked better.

But I don’t think it’s wrong to just pop something in the kitchen with a note.

MalcolmMoo · 14/08/2025 08:58

Wow yes this seems extreme. I think there’s certain things that I agree shouldn’t be in a workplace that recent changes in how employees are treated etc. has addressed but this does seem a bit ridiculous!

Throwntothewolves · 14/08/2025 08:58

I guess there will be no more donuts then

LimpysGotCancer · 14/08/2025 08:56

They had to address it (whether they believed in it or not) otherwise they would come across as dismissive of that person.

That person deserves dismissiveness though.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/08/2025 08:55

In my work place (which is pretty “right on” but not to a silly extent) my manager would have said that’s a non issue, don’t be silly.

So I think you’re right re it being normal and a non-issue, but also I think it’s a your manager issue.

I think some people get pointed in a certain direction (eg you have to be inclusive, not bully people etc, which is good) but then just carry on in that direction without exercising any judgement as to whether a situation does actually call for any input from them.

StrikeandRobinlol · 14/08/2025 08:55

Looool yes it’s ridiculous. But that’s why finding a nice workplace is so important

childofthe607080s · 14/08/2025 08:50

So there was a note on the staff room door and then people passed the word on organically and then someone complained that they felt left out because they didn’t hear first ? did they miss out on the donut?

Is there someone on your team who might feel they are regularly excluded ? They may have overreacted because of a series of other events ? Someone most of you don’t like ?