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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DH has been weird about phrasing this?

53 replies

WhatABigYikes · 14/08/2025 00:39

Background: married 5 years, together 6 years, have a 2 year old and another on the way, I'm a SAHM (for now, and have full intention of returning to work after second baby is a year old) and have full transparency and control over finances (as in I have all the banking details, access to payslips, savings etc). DH has an OK job, but we are currently looking to move house/school fees etc and it will be a strain (factoring in my return to work too)
MIL is widowed, SIL works in charity sector and rents

DH and SIL are set to inherit some money. DH told me it was £350k to both and it will be gifted to MIL so that she can move closer to us all (as she currently lives about 100miles away).

My phone died in the middle of a videocall to my mum earlier and his was right near me so I just grabbed his to continue it. Full disclosure, I did semi-snoop. When I went to video call my mum, in his list of recent conversations I saw the beginning of a message to his sister say something like "well if my half will go to mum..."
So. Turns out the inheritance is actually £700k, SIL is taking her share to do whatever and DH is gifting his share to his mum.

AIBU to feel like this is a bit off - the fact that he didn't tell me the full story? Or is it none of my business?

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 14/08/2025 01:36

He's decided to give his mum 350K without telling you? That is absolutely a conversation to have with your wife and your children's mother. I would be deeply unimpressed. It's not about you gaining, what about his kids? They should be the priority with any inheritance.

AbzMoz · 14/08/2025 00:48

ynbu to want the whole story from your dh and to have a say in how such a significant amount of money affects you and your kids’ future. Will the entirety of the funds be used for mil house - what about your own home / mortgage, kids savings? Why was this not a household conversation?

Ynbu to ask for clarity if this gift means that the mil house ultimately is your (household) asset. ycbu for expecting sil to pay half of mil house - that’s her share: the issue here is your DH isn’t including consideration of you/your immediate family in his share.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/08/2025 00:48

The subterfuge is the issue here: that he’s told you one thing whilst something very different is the case. If your marital agreement is joint finances and transparency, and he’s actively doing something in the background against that, that’s an issue to raise.

I’m probably an outlier in general marriage terms: DH and I have entirely separate finances, and without question anything to do with our parents’ finances and any possible inheritance we might each receive is our respective businesses. But, we’ve both always been clear about that. We’ve never pretended that we’ll be receiving X, whilst making plans in the background for Y.