I’m drained and he has to start helping

If he's there six days a week he basically lives there

OP i understand this but clearly he doesn't mind taking. He knows things don't run on fresh air. I think I'd suggest him.coming over less. If he pays u will he be expecting a service for this, e.g being waited on?

So 2 years in, he gets to stay at your place almost 100%. No significant contribution to bills, food, expenses. No significant effort in terms of housework, date nights etc.

Wow! He’s got it made. He is living the freeloader’s dream. And he won’t want that to change. He might change for a little while to get you back on side but, this is essentially who he is.

Dump him.

Your either desperate for a bloke or stupid ( and kind as well )

But he won’t change
and if you don’t change your way of thinking your going to have a life of this type of men taking the piss
taking advantage that you “love “ them

he knows what he is doing
but he doesn’t care

This, completely. I have a friend this happened to, she paid for all their holidays, fun stuff etc, and everyone was in awe of his amazing ability to save. Not so tricky if someone else subsidises you. She then struggled through two mat leaves, as he expected her to keep paying her half of the bills, even while off work saving him childcare costs on their children. He never married her, obviously, and now we're in our 40s and they have split, she is left struggling, renting and needing to sort out her pension after years of missed/minimal contributions. I imagine his is fine, and certainly not at risk from the minimal child support he pays.

This could be you OP. These men don't care, they feel they deserve someone supporting them in every way. Get out now, he won't change.

You don't and shouldn't have to put up with it. I'm not sure he loves you or he wouldn't be treating you badly.

Say to him that you'd like to wind things back to dating for a while that you'd like to go out then go back to his. Because you're getting a lodger.

He's a user.

What does he spend all his money on?

He should have said

"I'm here a lot, what can we do to make finances fair?"

"Its my turn to buy groceries"

Tell him it’s over - he’s taking the proverbial. You want a partner, not a user.

He is a total waste of space. I’m much older than you are and have seen one or two friends in similar situations over the years. These blokes do not change. They simply go through life expecting other people to sacrifice for them. End this now.

It’s irrelevant whether the bills would be higher or not - he is living there so should be jointly funding the bills.

Don't even suggest it. There are more red flags than on a windy day on a beach.

That he has to asked to do things isn't good but that he complains about paying his share is a big warning about what's in the future.

Save yourself the pain.

Seriously, check how much the bills have risen. Compare a couple of months before he started coming over with the equivalent month now.

That seems fair to me.

Except for council tax, my bills didn't go down massively when my DP died. It still cost the same to heat the house, so the reduction in gas used was minimal, electricity didn't seem to go down at all, despite using the washing machine and diswasher less, and the water used went down by around 15% but it didn't make a huge difference because half the bill is standing charges.

So he’s effectively moved in whist making zero financial and domestic contributions. Congratulations, you’ve bagged yourself a Cocklodger.

You need to stop asking why he is like this (psst, it really isn’t that complicated, he’s lazy, selfish and entitled) and start examining why you don’t value yourself more. If you did value yourself, he would be contributing because you would have told, not asked, him to.

Work out what his contribution should be and tell (don’t ask) him to pay it by standing order. If he refuses, complains or tries to negotiate tell him you are done. May I suggest you have ‘Bills, bills, bills’ by Destiny’s Child playing in the background to keep you on track.

You triflin', good-for-nothing type of brother
Silly me, why haven't I found another?
A baller, when times get hard
I need someone to help me out
Instead of a scrub like you, who don't know what a man's about

Can you pay my bills?
Can you pay my telephone bills?
Do you pay my automo' bills?
If you did then maybe we could chill
I don't think you do
So, you and me are through.

You are young, you are not his parent, so stop acting like it.

The good news is, you are young and hopefully this shit has been a wake up call.

Honestly you’ll be in for a lifetime of misery and slaving away for a cocklodger if you continue. I rarely say LTB but…. LTB. He sounds pathetic and a user… perhaps a manipulator too with the ‘oh I’m broke’ bullshit as soon as you mention bills.

You've got a cocklodger my love. Of course he doesn't want to go home. He's living with you rent free. Send him home and let him stay once a week.

Most of those bills wouldn't be significantly higher because there are two people living there 6 days out of 7. There'd be a slight increase in gas, electricity and water because of increased usage, but the standing charges would be the same. Mortgage and the subscriptions would be the same if there were 10 people living there. The OP is still entitled to the 25% single occupancy discount on her council tax, so no change there, either.

I think a contribuion would be fair, but not 50%.

He is at yours six days a week. He doesn’t have his own place. That’s living with you and visiting someone else. Does he have a key? Is he at yours if you aren’t there? I would throw this one back. He’s not going to change with you and you will set yourself up for a lifetime with someone who contributes nothing in every aspect of life whilst telling you how hard things are for him and how unreasonable you are. Don’t accept that for yourself.

Either you split your time 50/50 at each house
or he pays towards bills, half of all utilities and food.
But if he’s tight with money and doesn’t pull his weight around the house he doesn’t sound much of a keeper

🙄 She’s only asking for half the water and electricity. Sounds like the bf eats for free, uses Wi-Fi, pays no rent and probably does no housework. Why stay there 6 days for free?

I'm trying to work out what it is you love about him. He's a sponger and he doesn't take you out unless you ask him to. He doesn't help with housework either. You need to pick your self respect up off the floor OP. Just having a nice personality is not nearly enough to sustain a relationship. How to you envisage this relationship progressing if he says he's broke now when he doesn't really have any serious outgoings? How will he afford to pay his way if you officially move in together (which he's virtually done by stealth)? How will you afford to buy a house or have a family? This cocklodger needs kicking to the kerb.

DO NOT consider sharing the flat with him to save money!! It will not end well - His attitude has already shown you that he is not responsible or respectful.

Darling it’s been lovely, but I’m afraid I can’t afford to keep you.

Seriously, check how much the bills have risen. Compare a couple of months before he started coming over with the equivalent month now.

Sounds as though food will have at least doubled. I don’t think you can count subscriptions unless you got them because of him.
Water will have doubled, fuel probably not so much. Standing charges don’t go up of course.

The bare minimum he should contribute would be to cover his expenses and do cleaning. Bare minimum.

He won't get it. Either way the only way to change things is to dump him.

Either he also really loves you and it will be wake up call for him and he will grow up and change his ways to try and get you back.

Or he won't - either then agreeing its over or lying that he will change but then doing absolutely nothing.

By the way, they don't change.

Of course he complains, he gets to continue sponging off you.

He has no rent and no bills and complains of being broke? What’s his money spent on, weed? straight into his bank account? He is using you.

He is pretty much living with you, and he's living with you for FREE.

If you were at his place 6 days a week, would you expect him to provide all the food and never contribute?

The main red flag is that when you've mentioned it, he's dismissed you. He doesn't care about you or your feelings. He's happy to drain your bank balance.

I'm really sorry, he's using you. Please, please dump him immediately.

This manchild will NOT change.