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Original poster

I’m drained and he has to start helping

169 replies

smileyxo · 14/08/2025 00:14

My partner and I have been together 2 years. We don’t live together but he’s at my place 6 days a week. Its been like this a little over a year. I’m starting to become overwhelmed because since he’s started staying over more my bills have sky rocketed. He’s not helping and I’m stressing about bills. I have only asked him 3 times for help with a bill and afterwards he sort of complains that he is so broke and it makes me feel bad because he would have it if I didn’t need help.

Well I can’t do it anymore. I plan on sitting down with him and telling him if he’s going to be here this much he has to help out. I don’t expect him to help out on every bill, but I think the electric and water is reasonable and just half.

am I being unreasonable? He does not have his own place he lives with his siblings and prefers coming over to my place. We’re both 23 and we both work.

OP posts:
Enrichetta · 14/08/2025 16:30

Thanks for the update, @smileyxo - and good to hear that you got a great result.

But do read those books - I promise you’ll find them useful!

TangerinePlate · 14/08/2025 15:41

Ahhh,OP 💐❤️

I’m so sorry your relationship has finished but he wasn’t right for you.You dodged a massive bullet.

You literally bankrolled him and as somebody else upthread said in a couple of years time his savings would grow while you’d have nothing.
You’re looking for a partner,not a dependent.
The right man will treat you like an equal, not like meal ticket. He won’t take advantage of your time,money or labour.

There’s s lot of wise women here that look out for the others.
Wipe your tears and call your friends. Have some nice time

You’re only 23,whole life’s ahead of you.

💐💐💐

childofthe607080s · 14/08/2025 15:33

Well done OP

DancingLions · 14/08/2025 15:29

Whatever he says, please don't take him back. The him you saw is the real him. He might make all sorts of promises but don't believe him.

This wasn't your fault, many of us have been there. There sadly seem to be a lot of men out there who are happy to take advantage of their partner. But now you know that and can guard against it in future.

jeaux90 · 14/08/2025 15:20

Well done OP. Who TF does he think he is!!

Radiatorvalves · 14/08/2025 15:12

You are well rid. What an awful man.

thepariscrimefiles · 14/08/2025 15:10

Hell hath no fury like a cocklodger scorned. Good riddance!

gamerchick · 14/08/2025 15:08

Good for you.

He probably won't stay gone. Cocklodgers can be tricky to get rid of. They do the wooing and promises thing.

Hopefully yours moves on quickly and leaves you alone.

BeltaLodaLife · 14/08/2025 15:07

smileyxo · 14/08/2025 15:03

i came back to update. I’ve ended the relationship. We sat down to speak about bills and was told if he puts in he will do what he wants here. He also said I wouldn’t be able to have friends over anymore(we do girls night at each other’s place but we rotate). I didn’t appreciate his response to me asking for him to contribute some. He showed no self restraint raised his voice and swore at me. I really appreciate all of the responses.

Wow. He actually out and out said that if he contributes to bills, not pay them all or even half but just contributes, then he would have full run of your home and full control over what you do there? I’d guess he’d be allowed the lads round but no friends for you.

I bet the scales fell from your eyes pretty quickly when he started showing what he’d really be like with his feet under the table. I’m sorry you had to be in that situation with that man, it can be upsetting and frightening. But it’s also kinds of liberating because you know that your little instincts were right, and you know you’ve done the right thing.

Don’t let him weasel back in or backtrack on anything he said to try and get you to forgive him. Stay strong. You’re young, and you’re supporting yourself already at only 23. That’s not easy to do anymore. You’ll have great things coming your way; just be careful of your choices in men!

Original poster
smileyxo · 14/08/2025 15:03

i came back to update. I’ve ended the relationship. We sat down to speak about bills and was told if he puts in he will do what he wants here. He also said I wouldn’t be able to have friends over anymore(we do girls night at each other’s place but we rotate). I didn’t appreciate his response to me asking for him to contribute some. He showed no self restraint raised his voice and swore at me. I really appreciate all of the responses.

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 14/08/2025 13:51

Just dump this freeloading loser @smileyxo

You can do so much better. You deserve better too.

Pleasealexa · 14/08/2025 13:49

2 years is the relationship point where it's common to start seeing the issues - honeymoon phase is over so and poor behaviours become a pattern.

You have a choice, battle with him to change and start contributing like a grownup or acknowledge that he isn't the person you hoped he would be.

You can love someone but recognise they are not good for you. I have sons and despite being much younger they already contribute to cooking & tidying up. They even buy shopping when out and realise the house needs something.

littlemousebigcheese · 14/08/2025 13:34

You are young and deserve better. Don’t get stuck with this man please. He’s showing you who he is so believe him. You will be better off in so many ways, not just financially, by getting rid!

Supersimkin7 · 14/08/2025 13:34

He doesn’t love you, OP.

Iocainepowder · 14/08/2025 13:27

Yeah i was with a guy a bit like this for 3 months when I was your age. I dumped him because the things you mention made me feel more like his mum in the relationship and I lost any attraction to him.

I then refused to date any guy who was still living at home after that.

Sunaquarius · 14/08/2025 13:23

2 years in and living at yours basically full time, he should be splitting the rent (if you rent that is) and paying half the bills/food shop.

the5thgoldengirl · 14/08/2025 12:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

BMW6 · 14/08/2025 12:51

Oh FFS yet ANOTHER cocklodger and the usual plaintive cry "but I lurve him".........🙄

He won't change. Put up and shut up or dump him as a no-hoper.

Zempy · 14/08/2025 12:49

You are very young to have a cocklodger.

Bin him off. He will soon find someone else to leech off of. You should rediscover your self respect.

IsawwhatIsaw · 14/08/2025 12:44

he is using you , of course he likes staying with you, sponging off you .. not paying anything.
frankly he sounds a horrible lazy user. I’d
get him out and maybe look at support to explore why you have put up with this treatment.

Cherrysoup · 14/08/2025 12:42

6 days a week! And no contribution! Tell him where to go! Is he even paying rent to his parents? Or any of the bills? He is being extremely unrealistic and a massive cock lodger. Seriously, he does not live in the real world. He is not your child.

Wishimaywishimight · 14/08/2025 12:41

cestlavielife · 14/08/2025 09:24

Why would you do this?? However I do all of the running of his house and take his washing to mine. does he not have a washing machine??

Show quote history

Why would he need a washing machine when he's gone and got himself an unpaid housekeeper?

I despair, I really do.

CoralSea · 14/08/2025 12:41

smileyxo · 14/08/2025 00:14

My partner and I have been together 2 years. We don’t live together but he’s at my place 6 days a week. Its been like this a little over a year. I’m starting to become overwhelmed because since he’s started staying over more my bills have sky rocketed. He’s not helping and I’m stressing about bills. I have only asked him 3 times for help with a bill and afterwards he sort of complains that he is so broke and it makes me feel bad because he would have it if I didn’t need help.

Well I can’t do it anymore. I plan on sitting down with him and telling him if he’s going to be here this much he has to help out. I don’t expect him to help out on every bill, but I think the electric and water is reasonable and just half.

am I being unreasonable? He does not have his own place he lives with his siblings and prefers coming over to my place. We’re both 23 and we both work.

what bills have skyrocket? Water I get but electricity? Doesn't make that much of a difference if you turn the light on or watch TV for one or two but it all sounds stressful and not working for you. agree with others who suggest to dump is arse. Life is too short for this stuff. You are clearly not happy and I hazard a guess there is more going on than an increased water bill.

Does he eat out of your fridge too which you fill?

Wishimaywishimight · 14/08/2025 12:37

He's a cheapskate and he's mooching off you 6 days a week.

Don't bother having a talk with him. This is not a man you want to be in your life permanently, believe me.

You are only 23 but you won't always be young. Once day you will be 30, 40, 50 and if you stick with this person you will live a life of misery and resentment.

Dogaredabomb · 14/08/2025 12:35

Pigriver · 14/08/2025 08:43

I absolutely agree with everything everyone else has said but I have a slightly different approach.
It seems like him spending so much time at your place has kind of crept up on you both over time so there was never a point where you discussed moving in and the financial implications of this. I would do that now kind of like this

Hi X I've been having a think and you spend nearly every night at my place. I am happy to continue this (*only if you are of course) but only if we sit down and discuss how it's going to work going forward. If you're not happy with things being a bit more formalised then I think we need to dial back the amount you stay here to just twice a week.

If he's there 6 nights a week he pays 6/7th of half of everything. Don't go down the 'I'll just pay a bit of electricity and a shop every now and again' as it will be really difficult to move on from this is you decide he is actually gonna move in full time.

I say this only because at 23 I would have been clueless too never mind DH. Even in our late 20's when we move in together we were still clueless. So in terms of everyone saying he's a cocklodger etc maybe he just doesn't know and better. My DH, who is lovely, said some ridiculous things just because he'd never thought about it before. The key thing here is how he reacts to all of this. Any kind of dismissing you then he's gone.

Good luck!

She asked for help with a few bills and he grumbled about it.