Child's consent for medical treatment..

Just to add to the chorus - your colleague is being ridiculous. And also rude, insensitive and hurtful. They clearly have absolutely no understanding of the reality of parenting a child with complex medical needs and, instead of listening and being supportive, or just saying nothing, have barged in with something totally inappropriate and dogmatic.

I think they are likely to have read/listened to some Sarah Ockwell-Smith stuff about "childism" and the idea that overruling a child's wishes or imposing your will on a child because you are the (bigger, stronger) adult is abusive and discriminatory.

The idea is so idiotic that I don't even know where to start with it. Suffice to say that yes actually as a parent you have a responsibility and a duty of care to act in the best interests of your child. For example by consenting to necessary medical treatment for them when they are too young/unwell to take part in the decision making, giving them medication they need but don't like, and changing their nappy so they don't get nappy rash.

And part of parenting as our children grow up, is gradually increasing what they are responsible for, in an age and developmentally appropriate way. Which might be choosing what to eat or what to wear; or when/how to do homework. And sometimes that also includes making decisions about how to manage chronic health conditions (eg starting to take responsibility for checking and managing blood sugar level for an older child with diabetes). But clearly, clearly does not include withholding necessary surgery on a baby because they didn't "consent" to it. Ffs.

I would worry about their mental health tbh, a baby can't consent you are acting in your baby's best interest please stop thinking about this. It doesn't deserve any of your headspace.

I'd have laughed in her face. She's obviously lucky she's never been in your position. If I had waited for my daughter to consent to her brain surgery (that took place when she was 3 weeks old), she would be dead. So on balance, probably for the best I signed the forms and we didn't wait for her.

You are not being unreasonable at all!
my daughter similarly was born at 24 weeks and has since had two heart surgeries, eye surgery, PEG surgery and multiple other procedures/examinations - without it, she’d not be here!
What an insensitive nut job your colleague is.

Colleague is a complete twat. Is it a male colleague? Is he an InCel?
I would report his comments to HR. They’re vile.

Sounds like scientology, or some other crack pot religion, I just wouldn't discuss anything personal with them or get into too close a friendship.

Dozy mare. Ignore her. A baby cannot give consent.🙄

Your friend? is barking bonkers and is to be pitied for their lack of logical thought

What a stupid, irresponsible woman.

If I waited for my newborn to consent to her surgery, she’d have died a long time before she was old enough to give it.

As if it’s not awful enough having to sign the consent form as it is.

Hope your little one is doing ok OP. 💐 Ignore her unless necessary for work in future.

Don’t be upset, she is clearly batshit!

I would just give her a wide berth in future.

Her child is also likely to be a complete nightmare too, if you live near to her choose a different school. We had two gentle/divisional ie useless parenting style families class and they caused havoc for 3 years before we moved away.

I would honestly report her to HR. It’s such an inappropriate thing to say. What a weirdo!

Also, how does she know you didn’t get his consent? Has she just assumed you didn’t get it? Just tell her that explaining how he consented is a breach of confidentiality 🙄🤷‍♀️

I actually think this is quite a dangerous thing. The flip side of thinking babies or toddlers being able to withdraw consent for treatments they dont have capacity to understand, is that if they can also give consent to things they dont have capacity understand as well. Its not a huge step to you can go ahead and sexually abuse them because they said yes.

Playing this out to its conclusion, I can assure you that if you refused vital treatment, then the hospital would apply to the Court of Protection for an order to give treatment.

DD1 was 15 when she was admitted to hospital with an eating disorder. She was nearly tube fed. She has LDs, so the Consultant said that if they needed to tube feed they would get a hospital order because she couldn't give informed consent.

Shes nuts. 9 month old can't give consent so it's down to the parents to make decisions in child's best interests. Yanbu ignore her and report her to your manager/HR

Yes, definitely do this 😂

"OK I see. OK. Rest assured that if you ever collapse in the office neither I nor anyone else in here will call an ambulance for you, because you haven't consented . I'll make SURE of it."

Well bluntly speaking your colleague is a fucking idiot who can't tell the difference between a consenting adult and a child.

So she’s suggesting that if your toddler is pulling out his IVs, he’s not ‘consenting’ and you should just leave him? I mean, most kids don’t like antibiotics or their nappies changed either and will totally refuse but as the parent, you have to do it anyway as it’ll be bad for their health if you don’t.
That’s the whole point of being a parent, to make decisions based on your child’s best interests until they’re able to do it themselves.

If you refuse perfectly normal medical treatment for your child, I’m pretty sure you’d soon find social services involved.

Some people are just bonkers!

@PamIsAVolleyballChamp your batshit crazy colleague is talking out of his/her ares. I bet he/she's the type who thinks that you need a babies permission to change their nappy.
No child under 14 gets a veto about lifesaving surgery and a non verbal child whos under a year old is so far from gillikic competency that no Dr would even consider asking the child.
You've done nothing wrong, but please do tell your colleague to keep their ridiculous comments to themselves in future.
Edited because I misread the op

Just tell her that due to him not refusing and attending the appointment hes giving implied consent.

What a world we live in!

This colleague is an absolute idiot, pay her no heed whatsoever and tell her not to mention your child ever again. Children cannot consent to medical care, they are too young to understand and so their parents consent in their best interests and on their behalf. That's what parents are for! To care for their children and make decisions for them until they are old enough to do so themselves.

She is resentful no one sought her consent for her lobotomy. This is about her, not you. Tell her to bring it up with her therapist.

Then lean in and say, quietly, "They are watching. All the time. They can hear your thoughts. Be careful." Leave a roll of tinfoil on her desk with hat-making instructions. Sign it "from a friend."

You are 100% acting in your child's best interests and acting in line with doctors' recommendations. Assuming this is NHS treatment, they aren't going to recommend anything unnecessary. Would she rather you say to your child in the future 'oh we could have done surgery to improve X and Y but we didn't because you didn't consent, so you have to deal with the consequences'.

My children are fully vaccinated. They definitely did NOT consent to them when younger. Even at 3, bribery was involved and they would have said no if they could!

In summary, your friend is extremely insensitive and being an idiot about this.