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Fiancé insisting on donating sperm against my wishes

241 replies

Shitehound · 13/08/2025 22:27

He won’t back down. I have said multiple times that I don’t support this, we already have a lovely child together and for medical reasons I cannot/won’t risk carrying another baby myself. He keeps asking me to put myself as risk by having another child and because I won’t he has decided to donate sperm.

With DNA ancestry testing, anonymity is no longer possible, and our child could end up with half siblings all over the world. The donor children may get in contact with our family in the future, seems like emotional turmoil waiting to happen and a massive shock for our own child. He’s already started the process and is putting his foot down. It’s causing huge arguments. He said he is determined to carry on as it is his life goal to have lots of children and won’t stop this process.

He had an affair which I found out when our baby was a few weeks old which was devastating and is another reason why I refuse to have another child with him as I don’t want to put myself in a vulnerable position again. We have worked hard together to rebuild trust for me to forgive him after the affair betrayal and now this insistence on sperm donation has made me feel depressed and worthless. Like my opinion doesn’t matter in the slightest…

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2025 23:23

It is INSANE that you are still in a relationship with him. Beyond batshit.

caringcarer · 13/08/2025 23:22

He's not doing it to help a couple have a baby he just has a procreation fetish wanting to create many DC even wanting you to risk your health to produce more DC. He sounds like he has some kind of mental health issue. Thinking his sperm is very special and must be used for procreating many DC. I'd leave him to it and take your DC away.

Oceangrey · 13/08/2025 23:18

Oh no this is awful, how creepy and disrespectful. What kind of life goal is that.

My husband donated sperm because he wanted to help other people have a family, like we do. But he would absolutely never have done it without my agreement.

Franjipanl8r · 13/08/2025 23:18

Get him in the bin.

Chimney24 · 13/08/2025 23:17

To think there's men out there who are donating sperm for the prime reason to spread their DNA far and wide is not only crazy it's scary. What the actual fuck is that about.

LittleBitButthurt · 13/08/2025 23:17

WhereIsMyJumper · 13/08/2025 22:33

I mean does he think there is anything so unbelievably special about him that it’s his gift to the world to father as many children as possible??

I expect so. I had an ex like this. Had plans to donate sperm as much as possible because he liked the idea of loads of little hims running around, because he had ‘good genes’ (and a god complex). I mean I know I shagged him so who is the real fool here but trust me he really wasn’t anything special, either in looks or personality. Ick ick ick.

InterestedDad37 · 13/08/2025 23:14

What a weird bastard, with his desire to populate the world ...
🤔

MrsHiggins1 · 13/08/2025 23:07

I know this might seem controversial, but I wonder if he’s doing this even subconsciously because you don’t want it. What if you stopped making it the forbidden fruit and acted supportive and even encourage him, he might think twice

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 13/08/2025 23:07

Leilaandtheloggerheads · 13/08/2025 22:35

The fact his reason isn’t even “ I really want to help others who are struggling” it’s just “I desperately want to father a load of kids and not even interested in knowing them”

That is vile, and I couldn’t be with someone who has that as a life goal.

This. He is clearly on some sort of alpha male power trip. Disgusting.

Superhansrantowindsor · 13/08/2025 23:05

Why oh why do we have so many threads in mumsnet where woman are with such horrible men? Is being single really worse than being with someone who has zero respect for you?
OP- he is treating you as a vessel to provide a child and not as a partner. Please leave him.

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/08/2025 23:03

He's probably doing it already.

toomuchfaff · 13/08/2025 23:01

Like my opinion doesn’t matter in the slightest…

You've hit the nail right on the head there... he doesn't give a flying fk what you think, question is, will you put up with that or is that enough for you to call it a day?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 13/08/2025 23:00

Are you sure he doesn't want to do this because he's aware that he's already got other children out there and this is what he thinks as good cover if any of them subsequently get in touch? 'Oh, must have been one of my donor children'. When it's not?

3luckystars · 13/08/2025 22:57

What a weirdo creep.

Canicule · 13/08/2025 22:55

Why does he want to do this? It seems an odd thing for a man in a LTR to want to do.

Vaxtable · 13/08/2025 22:51

Hes asked you to risk your life for his dream of lots of kids! So he doesn’t care if you die if that’s the end game of putting you at risk

He’s had an affair

Hes now donating sperm when he knows you don’t like him to and you have concerns

Personally I would be making plans to leave. The fact he is prepared for you to take risks on your health means he doesn’t care about you he just sees your womb as an incubator for his kids

Foodylicious · 13/08/2025 22:46

Oh no, that just sounds awful.
Does he have any redeaming features?
I can't think of any that would be enough to outweighs this and the previous cheating.
Hope you can find a way out.

saraclara · 13/08/2025 22:44

Is he doing this so that you'll leave him, do you think?

WeightLossGoal2024 · 13/08/2025 22:43

Lavender14 · 13/08/2025 22:37

Divorce op.

He's determined to procreate loads of children but has zero interest in actually parenting them? And will do it at the expense of the child who he is actually supposed to be parenting?

This sounds like some sort of weird ego rub or kink to be honest and yes I'd leave over this if he was determined to pursue it.

How absolutely traumatic for you as well, first the horror of realising he's had an affair when you are at your most vulnerable and dependent on him (I had the same experience- it's utterly devastating) and knowing you were forced to complete your family earlier than you'd expected to as a direct result of his behaviour (same here it is definitely a form of grief) for him to then decide he's going to do this.

I'm sorry op but that's a massive re-traumatising betrayal and you're absolutely correct to have the fears you have both for the impact on your child and your family.

He seems absolutely self- focused and like he has no ability to prioritise his family so I'd be quietly making plans to leave.

There's something feels very insidious about this that I can't put my finger on that sits very uneasy. I would seek legal advice, and support of a few friends who you know can keep their mouths shut and leave when he doesn't expect it.

How old is your child and do you have access to your own money?

This

Andbegin · 13/08/2025 22:43

Yuck.

Selfish twat. Not donating for any of the positive reason's .

He’s a horror. So sorry Op.

saraclara · 13/08/2025 22:42

This sounds like some sort of weird ego rub or kink to be honest and yes I'd leave over this if he was determined to pursue it.

Yep. He's getting off on there being hundreds of mini-hims all over the country/world? That's incredibly creepy.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 13/08/2025 22:42

It's giving Handmaid's Tale vibes for me. I would understand a student doing this for cash but his motives are all the way off.

SlenderRations · 13/08/2025 22:39

That’s repellent

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 13/08/2025 22:38

Creepy AF. Get rid.

SaulHudsonDavidJones · 13/08/2025 22:38

Why are you with such a deadbeat? And does he have such a god complex that he must spread his genes far and wide. Gross.