Fiancé insisting on donating sperm against my wishes

His life goal is to have lots of children so he’s going to anonymously donate sperm?? He will never actually know any of the children he creates and he will never actually know if he created any so this is clearly bullshit.

Sounds more like he knows you’re against it and thinks if you have to choose between him donating sperm and having another baby with him, you’ll cave and have another baby.

What. A. Creep.

I'd think that he has or suspects that he's already fathered a child and this is convenient cover if it ever comes out in future.

Either way it's not good.

Having taken part in some of the threads on a woman’s right to choose when it comes to abortion, l must admit l was a bit taken aback at the apparent hypocrisy of women who would insist on having autonomy over their own bodies, not allowing their men the same privilege.

But l think egg and sperm donation is different. It has the potential to affect both partners, as well as any existing children so it warrants discussion. It will ultimately be up to the person donating to decide what they want to do, and if their partner objects to it to the point of ending the relationship, then that’s their prerogative.

Throw this Prince among men back in the rock pool he slithered out of …
Words fail me .. he’s an arrogant narcissist who clearly thinks he’s got a cut glass nob and his sperm is filled with gold flakes , what a fantastic example he’s also setting for your DC
This man does not care one iota about you , please make steps to leave , you don’t need this awful emotional abuse

His body, his choice. YABU to try and stop him. That said, if it’s a deal breaker for you then you are of course absolutely reasonable to leave him. If he wants lots of children and you’re done you’re obviously not on the same page in terms of the future and so it seems like it would be for the best for you to break up anyway, plus he’s already had an affair. Sounds like the relationship is doomed so better for you to leave on your terms than wait until the next affair.

I agree. There needs to be more education on healthy relationships. So many men & women repeat what they know I.e. damaging behaviours and standards (or there lack of) set by parents.

So intrigued what attracts you to this partner of yours, OP? Sometimes we focus on the wrong questions. Why exactly are you with him?

Run.

I'm so sorry he's turned out to be such a dreadful dickhead op ☹️ I'm glad typing it out has given you clarity.

He sounds totally selfish and self absorbed, and maybe when you refused to go along with his wish for more children (and exactly how many did he expect you to have like some brood mare?!) he has gone about suiting himself and making sure he punishes you with it.

You are worth more than this. You can't stop him doing what he wants, but you can stop caring so much about it, that's the beauty of breaking up + time to heal. Your DC will be fine, the world is changing with DNA stuff and they will grow up to realise what their dad is like and react accordingly.

He sounds absolutely disgusting. I remember watching a program on TV where this guy was in a taxi delivering his own semen to strange women in exchange for cash. It was like the end of the world.

Not sure what sort of ethical rules sperms donation labs have, but I would be very tempted to pass on his, quite frankly, abhorrent, weird comments if you know which company he is planning to use.
ETA he's giving off real Elon Musk vibes 🤮

This is an Andrew Tate type thing isn’t it? For men to think it’s their purpose to procreate as much as possible? (And with no regard for any of the women involved). He sounds disgusting to be honest.
I’m so sorry you and your child are in this situation. You are making the right decision by leaving because especially if it’s a manosphere thing then you don’t want that influence on your son. Wishing you all the strength and luck for getting away from this twat.

OP l’ve just read your update and my heart goes out to you, but you know you’re making the right decision.

He cheated - presumably while you were pregnant if your baby was only a few weeks old when you found out. That in itself shows you what kind of man he is, but the thing that l would never be able to get past is the willingness to put you at risk because he wanted more children. That’s unforgivable and a waving red flag that he will always put himself first in any situation, no matter what.

Going on and making your refusal to give him another child a factor in wanting to be a sperm donor and pressing ahead with it against your wishes - and with an alarming disregard for the future implications - would be the final straw for me too.

He’s a self absorbed narcissist OP. He’s clearly only interested in fathering children rather than actually parenting them. You only get one life and if you stay with him you’re going to be lonely until he inevitably has another affair, and you’ll have wasted time in which you could have made a better life for you and your child.

Do you co-own your home ? Are there any complicated finances to disentangle ? I think on a practical level you should get some legal advice, then get your ducks in a row and make plans to leave. And from what you’ve said, preferably when he’s not there - shouldn’t be too difficult if he’s a workaholic. It’ll be hard at first OP, but in the long run you’ll be so much happier without this selfish, narcissistic millstone around your neck.

I would leave him for the affair, he is selfish and doesn't think of your or your child at all!!

This has to be a joke

The end result is the same - he wants into a container, and the sperms might help others conceive, where they haven't been able to before, for whatever reason.
Doing it altruistically seems OK. Doing it for egotistical reasons is just weird and creepy.
(I've never done it (man here 👋) and had a vasectomy 21 years ago anyway when (ex) partner and I didn't want any more kids).

What have I read? I’m so sorry OP. I hope you’re ok 🩵

I agree!
op you need to leave him. Gebuinley you do .

Spreading his sperm around one way or another is all that matters to him .
It’s really weird!

It seems to me he is scattering sperm far and wide in case any "children" find him he can say its is innocent-whilst cheating on you. This way if he gets anyone else pregnant by cheating on you he has a ready made cover story,
completely revolting.
You deserve better.

Well putting aside everything else - if we were talking about donating eggs everyone on here would be saying 'your body your decision' and 'it's nothing to do with him.'

He sounds awful on so many levels.

I think you should leave him regardless of whether he decides to persue this. I suspect his desire to sire multiple children doesn't derive from wanting to help women become mums, I believe it is far more nefarious and he has a breeding fetish. What an odious man! I imagine he is the type to iterate about his legacy being passed on despite being painfully average.

It is evident that he views you as nothing more than breeding stock; you are now no good to him as you are quite rightly refusing to have any more. This speaks volumes about how he views women.

Hopefully in 20 years time he has a long queue of young people trying to contact him and demanding lot of attention and, who knows, the odd £1000,000!!

Oh dear. I feel for your dilemma. He already sounds very much thoughtless about others, not just you or your child but the impact of the surrogate child and his reaction if it does (or doesn’t) make contact in the future.

Financially he is responsible for your child and that must get cleared up soon.
If he does get accepted for his whim of populating the world you can only hope any hopefuls will turn his ‘package’ down and his efforts will be down the drain- so to speak.

Walk away, because you are clearly unhappy with this man