Fiancé insisting on donating sperm against my wishes

l’m not suggesting that a partner should try to force their own opinions. But this is not the same issue as abortion. A woman doesn’t need the ‘permission’ of her spouse to have a termination, but the difference here is that it doesn’t have any implications for the future for either partner or any existing children.

Sperm donation, as OP says, isn’t anonymous any more and invites the possibility of the resulting children making contact in later years. It can also impact existing children if they find out they have half siblings, or even through the potential of dating someone they are related to. It’s bizarre that you think that’s not the business of a partner, nor worthy of discussion between adults in a committed relationship. If the person then wants to go ahead, even in the event of it being a deal breaker for their partner, then they’re free to do so aren’t they ?

I don't even know what to say. This guy sounds unhinged.

@Shitehound . I Suspect he knows he has possibly already fathered another child elsewhere and this is a way of covering tracks .

The affair would be sufficient to ditch him.

His reasons for sperm donation are weird - please get rid of this man.

It's a fetish, to have as many children as possible and "spread his genes" 🤢 I've met men like this. Just gross. Leave him, OP.

OMG you're so clever! I would never have thought of this.

He sounds abhorrent.

I know it's easy to say from the other side of a computer screen, but you need to leave.

He is not only abusing / controlling you, but is potentially messing around with a future donor child and their parents. The only reason to donate sperm should be a genuine desire to help people who are otherwise unable to have children. It should be done only after fully researching and understanding the ethical implications of it, and what it may mean in the future if a child should reach out. For the sake of everyone, he should not do this.

What a selfish bastard. He wants you to risk your life/health to have another baby. He wants to donate sperm and risk your relationship. He a cheating prick.
I'd be packing his bags for him.

You’ve most likely hit the nail on the head

The cheating is the worst part but the sperm donation is just horrible. He's going to cheat on you again anyway and/or keep pressuring you to have another baby. He's ridiculous op.

Ultimately it's a his swimmers, his choice situation. I'd be leaving him through.

You haven't rebuilt trust though, have you? Not really.

You can't trust him not to put himself first in everything he wants; you've just had the illusion of trust being rebuilt because there wasn't nothing he wanted that was different to what you wanted again until now.

He hasn't changed. And this isn't me kicking you while you're down, I'm just pointing out that he will always do what he wants and if you stay with him then you're just lucky that sometimes those things align.

I disagree that when it comes to what you do with your body there needs to be reasonable discussion, I would never tell a woman who was pregnant that her partner has a say in whether to continue or terminate the pregnancy for example. The OP can make a decision about whether she wants to stay with her partner (personally I would have already left when he had an affair, he has shown himself, OP has just chosen not to look) but she can’t make the decision about whether he fathers more children or not and how he chooses to do it.

What on earth am I reading. Surely you are not marrying this man... right?

What a prince among men!
If he did blackmail you into getting pregnant again (and I hope your contraception is bulletproof), and then there was a medical emergency, he sounds exactly the sort of man to choose the life of the child over your life. You and your dc are not his priority, his "super sperm" is! It's not like he even wants to be a decent father fgs - just to drop his sperm wherever.
Yuk!

Line up your ducks and get your paperwork in order. You need to sitdown and talk and decide what YOU want from this feckless idiot!

He doesn’t love you. He loves himself.

This would be an absolute deal-breaker for me, even without the cheating, even with an otherwise perfect partner. My DH has a different attitude to me about the weights of nature vs nurture and would at least consider sperm donation if left to his own devices, but because he knows how I feel about it, we are a family and he respects and loves me, he'll never do it. End of conversation (except an occasional, interesting abstract discussion of the topic).

A man who cheats on his partner when she is pregnant or has a newborn is the lowest of the low anyway, and a man who does this and then has the bare-faced GALL to try to pressure her into having another and enter into the same situation again is beyond words. He hasn't even married you to give you that financial protection. He's not the slightest bit interested in 'rebuilding trust'. You provide him something he wants or needs (maid services/childcare/family man status/sharing bills/whatever), that's all. This latest gambit is either to force you to agree to another child as a desperate alternative to this (after which he may decide to just go ahead anyway), because (as others have said) he's already fathered a child, or it is designed to make you leave him so that he can be single without being the bad guy.

What is the earthly point of him from your perspective? From an outside perspective this is an absolute no-brainer of a decision.

Conduct a dispassionate consideration of the practicalities and get out.

Good luck, OP.

Is he intending to donate 'personally' as well as (or instead of) through a proper route? I wouldn't trust him at all after the previous episode. If his intention is to impregnate as many women as possible you may find he's advertising his services!

Nailed it.

He's vile, you're opinion means nothing, what else will he do in the future without talking to you about it first to make sure you're happy too? This is not a relationship. The fact he's also had an affair just about sums him up. Please do leave him, shit like this will only get worse. You'll do absolutely fine and thrive without him!

Could he be having some sort of paternity scare and this need to donate sperm is actually so when a child turns up he can link it back to that? Either way he’s a scum bag and you’ll be well rid. Good luck x

Op I don't understand how you not wanting to have another baby is a factor in him donating sperm... this in theroy means the possibility of never meeting the child which is not the same as him wanting more kids. Without a doubt hes a scumbag regardless to this but I dont get the point at all in his ultimatum to you. Honestly... get away from him as soon as you can.

I’m so sorry OP. Sincere sympathy 💐

No, but that would depend on OP (or any subsequent partners) actually knowing the age of the offspring, which they might not find out right away. "There's this person who claims to be my son" can take you quite a way before you sit down and work it all out.

If he's been getting women pregnant in the last few months and then he donates sperm he could either say he'd already donated and the child must be the result of that, or claim that the baby must be premature and the result of donated sperm.

No. When you’re in a committed relationship there has to be reasonable discussion. It’s something that can potentially affect both partners and their existing children, how would you feel if your child’s half siblings turned up in the future, or they found out they were related to someone they were dating ?