AIBU to shrivel up and die of embarrassment?

Painted like a lion! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The idea of your vibrator on its most disco setting is giving me the 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's for this reason that I turn around one of the batteries whenever transporting a vibrator!

Ha, ha, ha OP! You're gonna be top of his list of "dumb bird" stories for years! 🤣🤣🤣

Hired a car at Gatwick airport. Collected the keys, found the car in the car park with DD. Traipsed all the way back to the desk to report and get various dents and scratches logged. Went all the way back to the car again with our bags in tow. Clicked the key fob - and a vehicle six cars down unlocked!! 🤣🤣🤣

The twat boyfriend of someone I used to know called the chef out of the kitchen in an Italian restaurant to explain what the shiny black thing on his pizza was.

An olive.

It was an olive.

Some years ago I was renting a bedsit. It became clear that the mattress had bed bugs. I contacted the company to complain and they sent the fumigators around. The two men both declared there was no evidence of bedbugs, I showed them the red itchy spots on my legs, so they fumigated anyway.

It was only after they left that I realised the red spots were from having my legs waxed 😬

Car broke down. Got lifted onto tow truck and taken 20 miles to the nearest garage.
Turns out that keeping your car key and your husbands car key on the same key ring is not so smart.
I had opened the car door with my key but had been trying to start it with his.
I can still hear the guy at the garage laughing as he said “try using the right key!”

This is another example of how, to me, there is an insane level of melodrama here.
Things like this happen all the time. I would have just said, "Oh, my god, I'm so embarrassed. This is like called the television repairman and finding that the problem is that the set isn't plugged in. Sorry - what do I owe you?"
And then I would have told it as a funny story to my friends.

Yes! I heard the live call. It was posted on YouTube I think. 😂

My dishwashers’ red lights were flashing and wouldn’t turn on so I called my very kind posh landlord who popped in, got dishwasher salts from under the sink, poured them and hey presto. Highly embarrassing.

About a week ago my Tenants said there water mark in the corner of the bedroom. I asked the Lady to send me a photo. She sent it and after looking at it I called a roofer who came the same day.
He climbed on the roof and told us there were a few slates which had slipped and broken. Replaced them and went on his way with £160. The following day I ask the lady if I can have a look if the leak has dried ( I live nextdoor). Well I only go and take a look and realise the wall is bone dry and that the white paint roller wasn't even put near that corner. And in fact there is no leak at all.

I took my car to the garage for a funny tinkling noise… they had bonnet open, poking and prodding at everything.

It stopped when I moved my bag ( with its tinkly buckle) off the passenger seat…

Nearly 30 years ago, and I still roll my eyes at myself…

Fucking hell this is amazing 😆

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I feel your pain, Op. I once called my dad in a panic saying I had seen a "movement" out of the corner of my eye and I thought it was a rat in the house. He came (10pm at night) as dh was at work. Dad walked round checking the house banging on walls, furniture. Dad declared there was nothing there. He left and I realised it was the shadow the aquarium lights cast onto the carpet. I feel even more stupid writing that down. I did tell my lovely dad the truth!

i rang my friend crying that I was covered in blood, after waking up from a very drunken night out (there is a lot more to this story!)

on getting in the shower I found it was chilli sauce which apparently I had also managed to tip all over my neighbours car

I went on a training course in an area unfamiliar to me. At the end of the day, my car was not where I had parked it. I walked up and down the street, but there was no sign of it; it had obviously been stolen. By now it was getting dark and I had no idea what to do, so I phoned the police. After a very long wait, a police officer turned up and took the details of my car. We walked up and down the street to double check that it wasn't there ... it wasn't. By now I was a bit tearful and the stress was begining to get to me. Which must be why when he commented that the surrounding streets all looked very similar and perhaps we should check them, I snapped at him "Don't be so patronising". The car was, of course, in the next street over.

I was living in Australia in a shared old house with fairly high ceilings. My English mate came over to visit, arriving late. The plan was he would stay on a camp bed next to my bed. Knackered, we both got ourselves tucked up. Then, I noticed a black dot on the ceiling right above our heads. A spider! Terrified that it wasn't very big, and given I'd been told 'the little ones are the worst', I immediately assumed it was deadly and it would inevitably fall on one of us in the night. So, I woke my poor mate up. We tried standing on the bed, trying not to scream, so we could get a better look, but it was too high. We figured there was nothing for it but to rearrange the whole room so that we were as far away as possible, then take turns to stay on 'watch'. Convinced spiders were lethargic, it didn't seem strange to us that it didn't move at all. Two days later, when my Aussie flatmate came home, he grabbed a step ladder, had a look and gleefully pointed out that us useless Poms had been hiding from a bit on the ceiling where the paint had flaked off!

I used to edit a newsletter in Mailchimp that had to go out at a specific time every morning. One day, I tried logging in and it wasn’t working. With my deadline looming and in a panic, I called the support desk. Turns out I had my apes mixed up and was actually trying to log into SurveyMonkey using my MailChimp login. I never lived it down.

This isn't funny, but embarrassing.
I went to have a chat with my neighbour and there were vases of flowers and cards. I said that i didn't know that it was her birthday? She replied that it wasn't and her sister had passed away. 😔😪Thankfully, she didn't realise my clumsiness.

Our spare freezer broke when we were having work done. We got a guy to come and take a look. DP was blaming the workmen (not to their faces…) and swearing a lot. The freezer guy slid his hand under the front edge and just switched it on. Either DP or I must have knocked it off when we were manoeuvring the freezer out of its space. Didn’t even know it had a switch other than the plug! Fifty squid for that. To be fair he did repair our broken fridge light casing while he was there when DP ‘just happened to mention it’🤣

Then there was the time I was expecting 2 ladies from Home start to see DC when I first left ex. I was brushing my teeth when there was a knock at the door slightly earlier than I was expecting. So quickly finished and went downstairs. One of the women kept laughing at me whenever she looked at me but never said why. After they left I went to look in a mirror and had toothpaste smeared on my face.😂😂😂

'most recent' suggests a pattern @IFeelLikeChickenTonite . Do share the rest 😂

I'm heading swiftly into this territory, thank goodness for adult children 😅

Mum was panicking not that long ago thinking the television had stopped working (was bought in Lockdown 2, so about 4 years old at the time). Good job it was me and not the store that she went to about it, as all that had happened was that the batteries in the remote needed replacing.