AIBU to shrivel up and die of embarrassment?

Ha, I remember that!! Brilliant!!

I rang the GP for an appointment because there was blood in my wee.

I’d eaten beetroot the day before…

And another one! Got home from backpacking round Thailand for months. Was living in a house share at the time. Went to bed as soon as I got home as it was about 5am.
There was an odd blue light coming from the hallway and it was stopping me from sleeping so I got up to see if someone had left a light on or something. Couldn't find anything so why back to bed. The light was brighter! Still couldn't sleep and it was really bugging me. I got up and down repeatedly, waking up others that lived there. They were pissed off with me!
The light kept getting brighter and I was so confused. After about an hour of this it suddenly dawned on me that it was the sky turning blue as it was dawn!!

I took my 8 year old DD to the doctor after discovering lumps on her spine which were new and had not been there in the bath the night before. Doctor asked where the lumps were and I duly pointed them out only to be told it was just her spine. Got out a model of a skeleton and made me feel the spine so I knew what one felt like for future reference , mortified.

This is brilliant 😂

Another household one:

We live in a really hard water area and all our appliances were always getting ruined by limescale so we decided to get an expensive plumbed in water softener when we had our kitchen renovated and hoped this would finally be the answer. We put salt in it and there were lights on the display and it made a noise but it made no bloody difference at all to the limescale so we assumed it was just shit and a bad investment

Then 3 YEARS after we’d had it installed I finally got around to googling ‘why is my water softener not working’ and found out there is a little tap at the back that was switched to ‘off’ and meant it was actually being bypassed and no water was going through. As soon as I switched it to ‘on’ the difference was immediately obvious. I used my normal amount of shampoo in the shower next day and it was like an Ibiza foam party!

My friends and I had been to a day festival many years ago and were all somewhat the worse for wear after drinking all day. We finally got back to my flat where we were all staying the night and I couldn't find the keys. We were all so tired that we decided to just sleep in the communal hallway (it wasn't a fancy block of flats that had a locked door to the communal space).
It was so uncomfortable but we did fall asleep eventually. I used my bag as a makeshift pillow but it wasn't comfy. We were woken in the morning by neighbours I'd never spoken to before having to climb over us to get out to go to work. So embarrassing! I lived there for another couple of years and never spoke to the neighbour again!
And yes, obviously, the keys were in my bag!

I once drove 30 miles to return a furby that had stopped working the day after it was bought. The woman popped in new batteries and it sprung into action. I had no idea it was so power hungry! 😮

This is the best one yet!!! Although I’m surprised she could even eat after having had two teeth removed!

We were on holiday in Portugal when DD was a toddler & came out in a rash. I had no idea if it was heat stroke, an allergy or something else. I knew there had been cases of chicken pox at her nursery so I wanted to rule that out. We went to a pharmacy where I tried to explain the situation. I speak no Portuguese and the pharmacist spoke very little English so I did my best impression of a chicken. From the facial expression of the pharmacist and the other customers, I quickly gathered that, whatever the Portuguese is for chicken pox, it doesn’t include the word for chicken or, indeed, any other bird.

Did similar a few weeks ago
Was on the phone to a call centre. Was asked if I could recreate the fault - prompt random trying to sound like a maglock door system disconnecting from the mains from me 😱
He informed me he is not an engineer and had no idea what the noises ment. Hopefully the engineer would help

Years ago I thought I could hear a scratching in my car. A few weeks went by and I thought nothing more of it. We were having an Easter egg donation at work. I went to the local Tesco and bought a really nice egg and put it in the boot of my car. Next day gave the egg still in the bag. 10 minutes later the lady organising the donations came over to my desk and showed me a half eaten egg complete with mouse droppings. I was horrified. The penny dropped that I must have had a mouse in my boot.

After a rubbish day working this has really made me laugh 😆

This made me laugh out loud in my quiet house so the neighbours may think I've lost my marbles due to the heat!😂😂😂😂😂😂
Thank you so much for posting, you have really cheered me up!!
(Also: I can sympathise, it's the sort of thing I would do too!!)

I can make you feel better OP....

Many years ago, DD had to go to the dental hospital in the city to have two back teeth extracted under anaesthetic. It involved an early start, parking some distance from the hospital, and all the trauma of the extraction with a young and nervous child. Once it was all over, we gratefully drove home to our village and I made her some lunch.

Two hours later she came to me, highly distressed, and showed me her mouth. At the back of her mouth, where the teeth had been extracted, she had two nasty looking boils or abscesses, and was very upset. So we duly got back in the car, drove back to the city, parked a mile from the hospital and walked back there.

The dental surgeon and the team were very concerned when they examined her, and mystified as to what was happening. It was all very worrying. Eventually one of them asked what she had had for lunch.

A cold, clammy hand of realisation seized my heart.

She'd got a baked bean stuck in each cavity.

I couldn't get out of there fast enough...

I really, really, really, miss the laughing emoji! That's priceless!😂

I asked an IT guy to come to my desk as my computer had gone totally out of control, and was typing a random sequence of letters into a Word document on its own!

He came over, maintained eye contact with me, and nudged the note book that was resting on the keys on the key pad.

I have a fairly rare but kind of well known Scottish name, someone academic once started telling me the history of the name and I was utterly amazed to hear it was from Persia, I love history so I was blown away but this as I always thought it was totally Scottish, i started asking loads of questions, cradle of civilisation and all that, saying my dad wouldn't believe it etc etc - -they let me finish and then politely told me they'd actually said Perthshire... About 40mins away from where we were. Cringe

I. Must. Not. Laugh.🤣🤣🤣

Brilliant 🤩

I once took my baby to the GP because she had a new mole on her foot. I had got myself wound up that it was an acral melanoma but actually it was a perfectly ordinary mole.

‘It’s a NEW mole though Dr’ I said and I could see him switching into ‘this one is hard of thinking’ mode as he patiently explained that new moles are only a concern in adults. Babies and children get new moles all the time. This was a concept that had actually never occurred to me before

The most shameful thing about this whole anecdote is that I am a Dr and had managed to get all
through medical school without realising that it’s normal for babies to get new moles

The unfeeling bastard? How are your patio skills?

I called a locksmith out to mend the door. He walked up to it and opened it. I’d never tried it but everyone told me it was broken. He still charged me £60

Don't feel bad!
I once pushed my motorbike four miles home in the rain thinking it had some sort of blockage in the fuel line. When DP had a look l'd just forgotten to turn it on to reserve ...
I've also done the summoning of IT to fix something l'd unplugged the previous evening and not plugged back in again 🤦‍♀️