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Original poster

First World Problem Jealous of Brother’s Inheritance.

90 replies

DaphneCrane · 13/08/2025 19:30

This is a first world problem. Late last year, about a year after my mother’s cousin died, my brother relocated. It never occurred to me that the two events were in any way related. I didn’t think anything about it.

A few weeks ago my husband was on holiday and texted my brother that he was in the area, he wasn’t invited to the house but one thing led to another and they ended up at the house the following day. My husband, who never notices anything commented about how amazing the house was and he had googled how much it was worth. I was almost taking the piss out of my husband to my mother when she completely broke down. Her cousin was brother’s Godmother and he had had a massive inheritance.

I can’t articulate just how jealous I am. Apparently she wanted her to be my Godmother as well but Dad insisted on one of his lot.

Now my two sons have different Godparents with eldest’s Godfather being very generous, while ignoring his Godchild’s sibling. There are days out, because of his job and a few photos with celebrities. My husband had to ask that younger son was also invited to this man’s wedding while eldest was an usher.

I can see the same scenario playing out with my two children and I feel stupid. I know these things aren’t important but I just can’t stop thinking about it and I hate myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
DaphneCrane · 14/08/2025 10:00

EuclidianGeometryFan You are of course right.

OP posts:
Original poster
DaphneCrane · 14/08/2025 09:57

I am deeply ashamed of how I feel.

I do not blame my mother in any way for revealing her initially wanting us to have the same Godparents; she said it when she was emotional after I caught her off guard.

Does this make sense? While I am jealous of my brother’s inheritance and wish I had some, I do not think he should have shared his with me. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense.

I see my brother quite often given that he lives about 300 miles away.

When I said that my husband was in his neck of the woods and he met him in a pub, this shouldn’t be interpreted as my brother’s reluctance to have him in the house, my brother invited them the next day as husband’s friend needed a bit of kit and my brother gave him his.

He did see his Godmother reasonably often but so did I. While she didn’t have her own kids she had a niece and a nephew and her late husband also had nieces and nephews but I don’t know how many. I do not know if my brother was the sole heir.

My eldest son’s Godfather will not have his own children but does have one niece who is never present when my son is taken out, nor did she play a role in his wedding.

I just need to get on with things and be grateful. This has definitely helped.

OP posts:
EuclidianGeometryFan · 14/08/2025 09:50

DaphneCrane · 13/08/2025 20:14

We are culturally Christian, DH is the grandson of a vicar. I am a believer.

I want advice on how to deal with my jealousy.

I feel so guilty and terrified about this playing out with my sons.

Culturally Christian and 'believing' are not enough.
You have to LIVE as a Christian.
You need to have a daily practice of prayer and contemplation.
You need to put in the hard work of self-improvement, so that you can overcome things like jealousy and other negative traits in yourself.
You need to trust in God, trust that God will guide your sons through life, even though their lives will be different in many, many ways, inheritance or not.

I suggest starting with daily prayer.
Then study methods of Christian meditation and contemplation.

Tweedledumtweedle · 14/08/2025 09:50

It was mean of your brother not to throw you some money. You could teach your kids to share their good fortune with each other?

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 14/08/2025 09:09

tripleginandtonic · 14/08/2025 08:45

Doesn't sound as though they're that close if she didn't know where her brother lived or about the inheritance for years.

Show quote history

I do think this is a good point. We also don’t know the relationship the brother had with the godparent. Was he one who visited/called/messaged regularly, being part of this person’s life whereas they were a stranger to the OP?

having a godparent who is wealthy at death (given care home fees, not a given), doesn’t have a surviving spouse, and doesn’t have dcs or nieces /nephews and doesn’t have any close friends to leave their money to, is not something you can predict when picking godparents.

The OPs son with the rich godparent is still unlikely to get anything from them if they have their own children.

Lafufufu · 14/08/2025 09:00

Your feelings are natural.

breaking it down

Your mother was a shithead for telling you sheeeeeee wanted you to be a godchild too but mean old daddy didnt so in some parallel sliding doors world you have an extra million or 2.... - she WBVU to tell you that.

Your db skulking off and saying fuck all was babyish. He doesnt owe you any money but he shouldn't have been sneaky about it. Fwiw I would share with my db... but not all siblings would though.

You are where you are.
Get some counselling and try and work through it

Boomer55 · 14/08/2025 08:59

I didn’t receive any inheritance from my godparents `- nor did I expect to.

They left their money to their children, which is normal.🤷‍♀️

Focus on what you have got, not what you wish you had.

TheKeatingFive · 14/08/2025 08:55

DaphneCrane · 13/08/2025 20:14

We are culturally Christian, DH is the grandson of a vicar. I am a believer.

I want advice on how to deal with my jealousy.

I feel so guilty and terrified about this playing out with my sons.

You don't know how it's going to play out with you sons. You have no control over it anyway. Arguably it's not even your business. Put it out of your mind.

As for your jealousy, I do sympathise. I think that's a very natural response to the situation. Ultimately though, them's the breaks. It's not anyone's fault or any kind of attempt to screw you over. Your brother got lucky and his godmother was exceptionally generous.

I know it's hard, but try to count your own blessings. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would be jealous of what you have.

Lavenderflower · 14/08/2025 08:53

I think it a normal reaction to feel envious but you need to separate this from you son. I don't think it would be appropriate to for brother to share his inheritance as the money was clearly left to him - if the god parent wanted you to have money, they would have given you money.

Cyclebabble · 14/08/2025 08:53

You need to let go. Comparison to others is always going to leave you feeling down. There will always be people who are worse off than you and people who are better off. As you progress through life some people have a lot of luck and others do not. Your brother’s circumstances are quite unusual. It is much more usual to receive a modest keep sake or small amount of money from a Godparent and I do not think the chances of this kind of inheritance repeating itself is high.

Icanttakethisanymore · 14/08/2025 08:47

How is your relationship with your brother? Something similar happened to me and my brother (he inherited from his godmother) but he gave me half (it wasn’t a great deal of money, about 25k each). I’m surprised he didn’t at least give a bit to be honest (out of acknowledgment of how arbitrary the choice of godparent is)

tripleginandtonic · 14/08/2025 08:45

mcmooberry · 13/08/2025 21:10

Now in our family that inheritance would have been divided 3 ways equally between us siblings no question about it. No wonder you are jealous!

Doesn't sound as though they're that close if she didn't know where her brother lived or about the inheritance for years.

Locutus2000 · 14/08/2025 08:43

DaphneCrane · 13/08/2025 20:14

We are culturally Christian, DH is the grandson of a vicar. I am a believer.

I want advice on how to deal with my jealousy.

I feel so guilty and terrified about this playing out with my sons.

Does the Bible not have quite a few tips on jealousy?

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 14/08/2025 08:42

Why do you allow any .unfairness with your children. That's on you and you have every means to stop it while they are children

Confabulations · 14/08/2025 08:35

TunnocksOrDeath · 14/08/2025 08:17

I understand what you're trying to say but respectfully I believe this situation really boils down to the OP's mother rather stupidly telling the OP that she'd wanted the same godmother for both children and been vetoed. If the mother hadn't been vetoed, it's likely that the OP and her brother would have shared the inheritance.
So this is not like winning the lottery, which would be a combination of brother buying his own ticket, and pure chance of which ticket wins. This was her parents inadvertently making a decision which has had a very real impact on their children's relative wealth. This accidentally broke a very strong social norm that you shouldn't play favourites with your children.
Also many lottery winners share their good fortune with family, literally and in practical terms, but the OP's family concealed it from her.

Show quote history

I do agree her mum should not have let on that she wanted OP to have the same godparent. However, her parents would have had no way to know when they chose godparents for their children that the cousin in question would leave such an enormous sum to their son decades later. That wasn't playing favourites.

Plenty of lottery winners prefer to keep their good fortune quiet because of jealous, greedy people holding their hands out. Maybe brother knew this is how OP would react.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 14/08/2025 08:27

IME Godparents who don’t have dcs of their own do sometimes remember their godchildren in their wills. Often nieces /nephews get more.

Thing is, you can’t predict who’s going to have dcs of their own, or remarry someone with dcs (and so favour step children).

My DCs have two godparents the same (one of whom is childfree and wealthy!) and then they each have a third godparent, but a different for each. My DDs third godparent is significantly richer than my DSs third godparent, my dd gets much better gifts than my DS for birthday /christmas from their extra godparent, but both have had dcs a little later and so I wouldn’t presume either of my dcs will get anything when they die, it’ll go to the godparent’s children/grandchildren.

It’s usual the OPs brother got so much, but it was luck. This isn’t something the OPs parents could predict. (Apart from anything else, what if multiple other friends asked this woman to be a godparent - it could have easily been split 5 or 6 ways!)

Confabulations · 14/08/2025 08:20

KimberleyClark · 14/08/2025 08:06

Now my two sons have different Godparents with eldest’s Godfather being very generous, while ignoring his Godchild’s sibling.

Do Godparents actually have responsibilities towards their Godchild’s siblings?

No they don't. Which is where this whole sorry saga stems from, a misguided notion that godparents should treat their godchild's siblings the same. Which has caused jealousy and insecurity in the OP because it hasn't happened to her and now she is scared that her identical choice to have different godparents for her children will lead to history repeating itself.

TunnocksOrDeath · 14/08/2025 08:17

mrsm43s · 13/08/2025 21:36

Are you not happy that your brother had a stroke of good fortune? His good fortune was not at your expense.

If he won the lottery, would you feel jealous and entitled to that too?

You are behaving in a very un Christian manner. You should probably seek guidance from your church on that, and work on yourself.

With regard to your children, life will of course treat them differently. As long as you treat them the same, then that in all that matters!

I understand what you're trying to say but respectfully I believe this situation really boils down to the OP's mother rather stupidly telling the OP that she'd wanted the same godmother for both children and been vetoed. If the mother hadn't been vetoed, it's likely that the OP and her brother would have shared the inheritance.
So this is not like winning the lottery, which would be a combination of brother buying his own ticket, and pure chance of which ticket wins. This was her parents inadvertently making a decision which has had a very real impact on their children's relative wealth. This accidentally broke a very strong social norm that you shouldn't play favourites with your children.
Also many lottery winners share their good fortune with family, literally and in practical terms, but the OP's family concealed it from her.

KimberleyClark · 14/08/2025 08:06

Now my two sons have different Godparents with eldest’s Godfather being very generous, while ignoring his Godchild’s sibling.

Do Godparents actually have responsibilities towards their Godchild’s siblings?

Radiowaawaa · 14/08/2025 08:03

Moral of the story, choose only rich godparents (joking).

Dozer · 14/08/2025 07:58

The situations with your brother and DC are separate and different.

Imagine it’s relatively unusual for a godparent to leave godchild(ren) a lot of money in their will.

Understandable to feel jealous of your brother’s windfall through chance. Also to have thoughts/feelings about him not telling you and/or not sharing any of it.

JamDisaster · 14/08/2025 07:52

Why has my post been hidden? Weird.

SP2024 · 14/08/2025 07:48

That’s really bizarre. I’m a godmother to one sibling but not another in the same family. I would never leave money to just one of them though or leave the others out

JamDisaster · 14/08/2025 07:48

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Shellyash · 14/08/2025 07:45

An easy question for you.. Can you do anything about it, yes/no? If no then you move on as no amount of jealousy or irritation will make any difference.
Get your inner peace in your faith, with your God and don't worry about the things you can't change. (Easy to say)