AIBU to think my ex should pay more child maintenance when he earns £720k a year?

How do you know they don’t live together? And how do you know OP didn’t live with the previous partner? You don’t, you’ve convinced yourself of that.

It's called using context. When she says (one of three) rent figures she was paying when the child was born. She wouldn't have been the sole payer of the rent in a tiny house, unless it was just her there.

Just like you convinced yourself that she wasn’t in a relationship with him - a friend with benefits you said

I think rather OP has convinced herself she was in one. It doesn't take much to work out the most likely scenario. Not the only possibility, no. But definitely the most likely, given the updates as well

but that was not true.

Says who? Looks even more likely now we know about the other pregnancy.

It suggests a pattern of behavior to have children outside the confines of a stable relationship in which you at least live together.

It's absolutely relevant.

She's complaining she cant work because of her son and needs maintenance and benefits over an above what she gets and yet she's trying to do it again.

Bingo.

No idea about that one. But, it does suggest she makes a habit of this. Getting pregnant without being in an established relationship.

Who was going to pay for that child if she had been pregnant given that she only wants to work part-time time.

Children aren't a lifestyle choice for benefits and maintenance for someone else to pay for.

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible while giving some back story.

I was with my ex-partner for four years. We had a son together, but he walked out before he was born. He saw him a few times as a newborn, but I had asked that he didn’t bring his new partner. My son was six weeks old when he turned up at my door with her, even though I’d said it was too soon.

He took me to court saying she should be allowed to meet him. The court agreed it was too soon and suggested maybe when the baby was older.

Because of that, he told me he would never see his son again. I was devastated and said fine, she can meet him, because I didn’t want him to walk away. But he still refused and never saw him again.

For six years, he had no contact — no visits, no messages, nothing. The only thing he did was pay child maintenance. It was a decent amount (£1,277.50 a month), and I never asked for more.

He went on to have three more children with his now wife. I just got on with life until one day my son came out of school and asked, “I must have a dad, right?” I’d never told him about his father because I didn’t want him to feel abandoned.

When he started asking more questions, I texted his dad to say I was going to tell him the truth — I wasn’t going to raise him on a lie. I’d messaged over the years, even sent photos, and he’d read them on WhatsApp but never replied. So I didn’t expect a response this time either.

Surprisingly, he replied and said maybe it was time to meet. This was when my son was six (he’s now nearly nine). In the last three years, he’s probably met him in person about 10 times. He calls roughly once every 10 days, which I think is poor — it should’ve progressed a lot more by now.

Anyway, to the point. I recently logged into my Child Maintenance account after receiving an unusual notification. It showed his salary: £720,000 a year.

I’ve always been paid £1,277.50 a month because that’s what CMS caps it at. He could earn £1 million a week and I’d still receive that same amount — you have to go to court for any increase.

Would he be able to afford more? Absolutely. I know it’s a decent amount, but he only pays it because that’s the legal minimum CMS tells him to.

I’m self-employed and work part-time so my son can do after-school activities — he’s football mad and trains/plays four times a week. I’m essentially raising him alone; my dad moved 40 miles away, and I have no relationship with my mum. I rarely get a break, but that’s been the reality since the start.

I’ve never asked for an increase, but life is much more expensive now. £1,277 doesn’t go as far as it did six years ago, and £720,000 a year is a huge income.

To put it into perspective — CMS only calculates maintenance on a maximum salary of £156,000 a year. My ex earns over four times that, but I still only get the amount they’d set for £156k — just over 2% of his actual income. Unless I go to court for a “top-up order”, that’s all I’ll ever get.

AIBU to ask for more?

It suggests a pattern of behavior to have children outside the confines of a stable relationship in which you at least live together.

It's absolutely relevant.

She's complaining she cant work because of her son and needs maintenance and benefits over an above what she gets and yet she's trying to do it again.

I noticed the rent discrepancy. Not sure why that gives other posters a licence to make shit up though.

Why does she need to refer to every previous thread she’s created?

Are you really asking where babies come from?

And yes, the father of the existing child pays for his child even if new children are created. That’s what CMS is.

The o p has changed her mind about how much rent she pays over this thread and also left out that she was potentially pregnant last november, and appeared disappointed she wasn't.

Where did this other potential baby come from? She kept quiet about that.

Is she with somebody or not? Should her ex be looking to give her more money. if she is and looking to get pregnant again to somebody else.

You’re just making things up aren’t you? You’ve consistently claimed things that aren’t true and you just keep going. It’s actually quite funny, you remind of someone I used to work with. Could never get anything done because she spent the whole time giving her opinion on things that hadn’t even happened. Great way to while away an hour but not someone to take seriously. Turned out she was addicted to co-codamol. She got fired in the end. Quite sad.

Obviously you can wildly speculate about things but the facts are written down.

The father wasn’t married to the new woman when the baby was six weeks old, and it’s entirely reasonable for a mother to say she doesn’t want a person she doesn’t know fully involved in her six week old baby’s life. Would you have let your six week old DC be looked after by a stranger because ‘they’re oblivious’?

Despite the court agreeing, the father threw his toys out the pram and then the OP capitulated and said let the woman be involved and the hapless father still didn’t stick around. He doesn’t so much seem like he didn’t want the child as he didn’t want to not get his own way.

I thought the same

The description that the judge agreed his wife wan not to be near the baby is misleading. The judge can't force OP to let anyone into her house. But that's not the same thing. So it was maybe agreed the wife couldn't attend her home. Dad then said, there's no genuine reason wife can't come, she's going to be as much of this child's life as I am from day 1.

OP simply didn't want her there out of jealousy. It wasn't to protect the child, or any child related reason. As you say, a 6 week old is oblivious. It's all about OP here.

Dad wasn't up for this nonsense. OP tried to backtrack then, realising that the swaying power and control she thought she'd automatically have as "I'm the mother of his child" was actually zero. If she truly thought the wife shouldn't be there, she wouldn't have back tracked at all. That's very telling.

If she goes for more money, whilst choosing not to work when she could, whilst it's already shown her child is more than provided for, already receiving maximum CMS, she's got little chance.

What she will do, even by applying, is piss off a man and his wife who've already shown their tolerance to this situation when OP starts making demands that she feels entitled too. A very fragile relationship with little bond exists between this child and the father, and I also think, going after more money is going to result in a "fuck you" response.

If there were more of a bond then it could be a "fuck you" he'll stay here more of the time and you'll get less maintenance. However, 6yrs of NC, 3yrs of seeing him once every 4mths or so for a few hours in amusement arcades. That's not a child that he wants to integrate at all. So it will most likely be "fuck you" don't contact us again. And they will let him know why when he undoubtedly comes angrily looking for answers as an adult.

God knows what she's going to do in 8yrs when it all stops anyway. If he loses his job next week, next year even, what's her plan then? That should be the the pressing concern. She relies on this to fund herself. Not to cover 50% of a 9yrs olds living expenses. It's funding her part time work status.

YANBU.

Why on earth is CM capped?!

I wonder if that would make the poster that said the ex should buy her a house change their mind about that.

There was a potential pregnancy in november last year for this poster, too.

She hasn't mentioned being in a relationship at all on this thread, though.So I do wonder if her definition of relationship is, in fact different than most people's.

They were together 4yrs so not sure how he never had a relationship with her.

They were together 4yrs so not sure how he never had a relationship with her.

I get it, of course.She was vulnerable and didn't want it thrown in her face that her ex never had a relationship with her but was quite happy to start a relationship with someone else.

Of course she shouldn't have had to have her in her home.

Any kind of compromise would be when the baby's older and you are able to take him out.He can see the girlfriend, but I don't want to see her.

it was a no, no no way, never and in that order. Then when he did go, she changed her mind and try to backtrack.

I haven’t RTFT and I don’t know the ins and outs of family law, but I’d be concerned about working P/T because I’m receiving £1300/months in CMS. This won’t be forever (maybe another 10 years?) and soon you won’t have access to your ex’s salary at all. You need to think longterm about developing a career and building up a pension, because once your son is an adult, CMS and child benefit and any other child-related payments will stop and you will have to fend for yourself.