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Original poster

AIBU to think my ex should pay more child maintenance when he earns £720k a year?

462 replies

Pashpash24 · 13/08/2025 19:14

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible while giving some back story.

I was with my ex-partner for four years. We had a son together, but he walked out before he was born. He saw him a few times as a newborn, but I had asked that he didn’t bring his new partner. My son was six weeks old when he turned up at my door with her, even though I’d said it was too soon.

He took me to court saying she should be allowed to meet him. The court agreed it was too soon and suggested maybe when the baby was older.

Because of that, he told me he would never see his son again. I was devastated and said fine, she can meet him, because I didn’t want him to walk away. But he still refused and never saw him again.

For six years, he had no contact — no visits, no messages, nothing. The only thing he did was pay child maintenance. It was a decent amount (£1,277.50 a month), and I never asked for more.

He went on to have three more children with his now wife. I just got on with life until one day my son came out of school and asked, “I must have a dad, right?” I’d never told him about his father because I didn’t want him to feel abandoned.

When he started asking more questions, I texted his dad to say I was going to tell him the truth — I wasn’t going to raise him on a lie. I’d messaged over the years, even sent photos, and he’d read them on WhatsApp but never replied. So I didn’t expect a response this time either.

Surprisingly, he replied and said maybe it was time to meet. This was when my son was six (he’s now nearly nine). In the last three years, he’s probably met him in person about 10 times. He calls roughly once every 10 days, which I think is poor — it should’ve progressed a lot more by now.

Anyway, to the point. I recently logged into my Child Maintenance account after receiving an unusual notification. It showed his salary: £720,000 a year.

I’ve always been paid £1,277.50 a month because that’s what CMS caps it at. He could earn £1 million a week and I’d still receive that same amount — you have to go to court for any increase.

Would he be able to afford more? Absolutely. I know it’s a decent amount, but he only pays it because that’s the legal minimum CMS tells him to.

I’m self-employed and work part-time so my son can do after-school activities — he’s football mad and trains/plays four times a week. I’m essentially raising him alone; my dad moved 40 miles away, and I have no relationship with my mum. I rarely get a break, but that’s been the reality since the start.

I’ve never asked for an increase, but life is much more expensive now. £1,277 doesn’t go as far as it did six years ago, and £720,000 a year is a huge income.

To put it into perspective — CMS only calculates maintenance on a maximum salary of £156,000 a year. My ex earns over four times that, but I still only get the amount they’d set for £156k — just over 2% of his actual income. Unless I go to court for a “top-up order”, that’s all I’ll ever get.

AIBU to ask for more?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pashpash24 · 13/08/2025 20:21

Lifeofthepartay · 13/08/2025 20:13

Are you sure he makes that amount every year? How do you know this is not a one off as in just the last year due to inheritance or a good business deal. Without more context/knowledge is hard to advise you, specially when he pays enough for your child to have all his reds covered (and more). That's not to say is a fair payment in proportion to his income (if in fact that is his regular income)

So it shows me what CMS has down for his salary after pensions etc. And it shows what he’s earnt every year since too. He plays sport for a living.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pashpash24 · 13/08/2025 20:18

For people saying why don’t I go work full time I did. I worked full-time from when my son was in Reception until Year 3. He was always the first one in breakfast club and the last one to leave after-school club because I worked in an estate agent’s, and I hated it.

After that, I opened my own café and worked 7 days a week — he was with me in the café on weekends. I’ve never “cried poverty” and I’m not shy of hard work.

Now I work for myself cleaning houses and offices during school hours so my son can actually attend football training three evenings a week and play at weekends — something he couldn’t do before. Yes, I now work part-time, but that’s a conscious choice to give him a better quality of life.

If I received more maintenance, I’d use it exactly how most parents would: I’d shop for better quality food, buy him nicer clothes, take him on more days out, and go on more holidays together. My son is my life — I’m not looking for more so I can get my nails done.

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 13/08/2025 20:17

Do you get child benefit & tax credits/UC on top of your part time salary plus the £1200/month?

HopscotchBanana · 13/08/2025 20:17

Ah OP, you're just greedy.

You actually earn very little out of choice by deliberately choosing part time hours and then claim UC to get a good chunk more, then you take more than you earn per month off your ex boyfriend in sizeable CMS.

Seriously, get off your arse and work if you want more money, or do you think you shouldn't even provide 50% of your own child's costs.

TheCurious0range · 13/08/2025 20:14

I'd be asking what his provision is for his son's education and future, private school fees and maybe some kind of trust. That way he knows it's going directly to his son. The amount you get is more than enough for day to day costs, but he can easily afford to provide for his son in other ways.

Lifeofthepartay · 13/08/2025 20:13

Are you sure he makes that amount every year? How do you know this is not a one off as in just the last year due to inheritance or a good business deal. Without more context/knowledge is hard to advise you, specially when he pays enough for your child to have all his reds covered (and more). That's not to say is a fair payment in proportion to his income (if in fact that is his regular income)

Zanatdy · 13/08/2025 20:13

I think £1200 ish is sufficient really isn’t it, and I personally wouldn’t ask for more. Perhaps you could ask for contributions to one off expensive items / clubs etc but I don’t think you necessarily need anymore for his day to day living costs. Yes life is expensive, but he shouldn’t be subbing your standard of living too and what else are you going to spend more on? I’d have found that amount a massive help for my child’s costs, and yes he earns a lot, but he’s paying for what he should, and to ask for more is unnecessary.

RubySquid · 13/08/2025 20:12

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 13/08/2025 19:58

Yanbu.

I usually hate the answers on these threads as you get loads of people saying 'that's loads of money, you should be grateful, I never saw a penny from my ex.'

But I think just over a grand a month is absolutely nothing when your take home is 34k. Its not even for example half a months nursery fees in London. It's what most people who are standard earners spend on their kid a month.

It's fundamentally unfair that your son has half siblings who will have trust funds, private education, amazing multiple long haul holidays, property bought for them, investments...and your son has nothing, because his dad can only be arsed to pay the legal minimum. Any decent parent should want to treat their children the same (even if it means saving for them / buying things instead of giving to the other parent)

Although child in this case is much too old for nursery so that's irrelevant

Rosieposy89 · 13/08/2025 20:11

YABVVVU. It doesn't cost £1300 per month to raise a child. Don't be greedy.

itsanothernamechangeone · 13/08/2025 20:11

I’d absolutely ask for him to start a savings account for his son, not sure I’d ask for more maintenance

socialdilemmawhattodo · 13/08/2025 20:09

Court orders relating to maintenance can be varied after a year, so you might get sent back to CMS, and that very low (for high earners) salary cap.

If there is too much of a difference between his lifestyle for his 3 other children and yours, that could cause issues. But a family court has very flexible views on how that gap can be measured and closed.

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 13/08/2025 20:09

Womblingmerrily · 13/08/2025 19:22

I'd say he was paying a fair share of what it costs to raise a child.

This, are these football activities that your son does during school time or 9-5? Why would they stop you getting a full time job?

ThejoyofNC · 13/08/2025 20:08

What do you need more money for?

Your poor son wanted to get to know his dad who already has little time for him and you're risking him losing the scrap of a relationship he does have, out of greed?

Coconutter24 · 13/08/2025 20:07

If he’s taking home around 33k a month the cms does seem low equally we don’t know his monthly outgoings.
Are you struggling financially that you need extra money? For one child’s living expenses £2500 should be more than enough a month

Oceangrey · 13/08/2025 20:06

Morally he should be paying more.
I would ask him as others have said to fund specific things. JISA, school, uni fund, whatever.

Aimtodobetter · 13/08/2025 20:05

I’m not a lawyer but I can’t see how you wouldn’t get a lot more with a top up order so i would go to him and make that point - maybe go to a lawyer for a brief consultation first and get them to give you a range of advice on what they would expect in your circumstances. Then be willing to negotiate less in exchange for retaining goodwill.

Nametobechanged · 13/08/2025 20:04

Absolutely take him to court, get £1300 pcm is a lot of money but what lifestyle are his other children enjoying?

Private schooling? World travel? Top class extra curricular activities?

He is your son’s father and he should be paying a realistic percentage of his salary towards his son’s life.

Vintagenow · 13/08/2025 20:03

So he should be paying I think about 18% of his salary, although that would reduce to maybe 12 with further children. But he's actually paying 1.6%.
Maintenance will stop as soon as your son leaves school. If you want to put him through uni, driving lessons etc or be able to support him into adulthood then I would go to court and save the extra for when you'll really need it.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 13/08/2025 19:58

Yanbu.

I usually hate the answers on these threads as you get loads of people saying 'that's loads of money, you should be grateful, I never saw a penny from my ex.'

But I think just over a grand a month is absolutely nothing when your take home is 34k. Its not even for example half a months nursery fees in London. It's what most people who are standard earners spend on their kid a month.

It's fundamentally unfair that your son has half siblings who will have trust funds, private education, amazing multiple long haul holidays, property bought for them, investments...and your son has nothing, because his dad can only be arsed to pay the legal minimum. Any decent parent should want to treat their children the same (even if it means saving for them / buying things instead of giving to the other parent)

Minnie798 · 13/08/2025 19:57

MynameisJune · 13/08/2025 19:38

Do you actually need the money op? As in are you financially struggling?

If the answer is no, then I’d speak to your ex about setting up an investment ISA for your son in your sons name and asking him to put money into that instead so that your son has money in the future for things like uni/house deposit etc. All things that ex’s other 3 kids will likely already have/get.

I think this is a good idea.

FrippEnos · 13/08/2025 19:56

Just another thought, but it would also be very difficult for the OP to argue for something like 'quality of life' when ex has never lived with the OP's DS.

Bananafofana · 13/08/2025 19:55

IANAL? I am not a lawyer? I actually am a lawyer (not family though) so I guess I am IAALBNAFL. Just know a LOT of divorced high earners, and if he’s earning £720k now it’s likely it’s not a fluke and career progression was mapped out and fairly predictable a few years ago (have seen judges take probable future salary rises into account). But at any rate, all moot as they weren’t married so no settlement to renegotiate.

TranceNation · 13/08/2025 19:52

"£1,277 (pcm) doesn’t go as far...."

Really?? That is very good money to get for maintenance per month for one child. How much are you actually looking for?

FrippEnos · 13/08/2025 19:50

Bananafofana · 13/08/2025 19:45

its a shame you weren’t married before you got pregnant as you could have had a chunk of his assets to support your child as well as child maintenance. I guess this is the result and there’s not much you can do. I know friends who have split up from high earners (£2m pa banker types) but that was a marriage break up so the dc much better provided for (but again the CMS calculation element is fixed and tops out at the rate they’re using for you)

We don't know how much he earn't when they were a couple.

And I suspect that if the OP takes this to court the judge is likely to tell her to work full time before he adds anything to what the ex is paying. But IANAL.

chatgptsbestmate · 13/08/2025 19:49

If you can't afford to take ex to court to ask for more maintenance, then there's not much to say

You could ask ex to set up a stocks and shares ISA for son and max that out each year

Maybe work some more hours when you can, if you need more money?