What do you think of this ultimatum from Fiance?

This will be exactly what will happen.

I guarantee you he has someone in his ear about this, whether it’s his family or friends back home, who are probably telling him it’s the manly thing for the wife to uproot to Oslo etc so his ego is hurt that you’re saying no.

I don't know if you're unreasonable, but you're silly not to have expected it.

Maybe he's missing his family and friends?

Not what you asked, but I think YABU not to learn Norwegian, especially if you plan to have kids. It's better for children to have their parents speak in their mother tongues - so English from you and Norwegian from him. It would also give your child a 'free' language and a leg up when learning others. Do you plan to not understand what your DH is saying to your own children? You don't have to become fluent, just learn enough to understand it when spoken.

It sounds as if he’s being very mature by having this conversation before getting married and/or having children. It’s easy to imagine a different thread where someone asks ‘how do I get out of it now I have 3 kids…?’

But it also shows how we’re losing the ability to have nuanced discussions. Life isn’t black and white. Yes OP has been upfront from the start, and I can understand perhaps feeling betrayed now, but at the same time she has made little effort to learn his language or culture, which he might reasonably have expected her to do. Similarly, people do change over time - are any of us exactly the same as we were 6 years ago? I’m certainly not. And the UK now is significantly more anti-foreigner than 6 years ago, so I can understand why someone in his position might be feeling different about it.

Ultimately, they need to have a full-and-frank discussion to see if there’s a way forward. But people do grow apart, so if not, there’s absolutely no shame in calling it a day.

If it helps, personally I’d go for a year - before marriage - and see how it goes, setting a fixed date now to review.

And there's no need to paint the fiance some kind of a villain. He wants to go back to Norway and he has changed his mind in the past 6 years. She didn't want to go to Norway 6 years ago and she doesn't now. Neither of them is wrong. This relationship is not going to last so probably best call time now.

OP needs to end the relationship. They will never see eye to eye.

It very much feels like he’s going to get you pregnant and then keep you there.

With your family set up I totally get why it’s a flat no. stay strong.

Sounds like you don't have children yet? Tbf if it were me, I'd probably go, if it were really important to him, although I agree it sounds like a ball ache. I can understand why he wants you to understand his culture more deeply, and you can presumably come back yo the UK for long weekends to visit your family etc. Or would he compromise with a six month stay? It's not over-the-counter course of a lifetime, after all.

You say you're worried he won't want to move back? If he doesn't, that's a different kettle of fish, as clearly your life goals are incompatible - but will you know for sure without trying? And if you don't try, will you always be wondering? Only you can answer that. I do sympathise though - I wouldn't be chomping at the bit to do a big move, and then a big move back again x

😊

It's very manipulative.

"I have always been completely upfront that I would never even contemplate living in Norway. Not even Oslo. I must have made this clear from around the 2nd month of dating."
If you've alway been clear than his claim of 'confusion' makes no sense at all.

"I find Oslo a bit claustrophobic after a week or two. We once spent a month there and I was counting down the days.
I also hate spending extended amounts of time in where I don’t speak the language. Obviously they pretty much all speak good English but there is definitely a communication barrier. Sarcasm etc
Fiances friends and family are nice but I find the majority to be a bit blunt and judgmental. We never can get pass superficial topics of conversation"
These are all good rational reasons for not wanting to live in Oslo. Does he just handwave them away as if they don't matter?

"I’m also worried he might refuse to move back"
He absolutetly would refuse.

So, your clearly and consistently held position that you would never live in Norway, for very rational reasons, only now "changes how he views our relationship" after six years? Either he has not been listening to you for the past six years, or he feels entitled to bulldoze you. Either way sucks, because both ways he feels what he wants matters more than what you want.

I would call his bluff. Tell him that his "changing the goal posts" has changed how YOU feel about your relationship. Reiterate that you have always been very clear that you would never live in Norway, and that you are now wondering why he chose to waste your time, effectively cock-blocking you from finding a man who would not pull this shit at the eleventh hour wanted the same things that you wanted. And this should be true - his attempt to manipulate you into this should change how you feel about this relationship. It has ceased to be based on truth between two equals, and moved to being distorted by the attempted manipulation of one party by the other. A very different relationship indeed - and not one I think I could participate in.

Oh gosh, how did you guess?

I feel you are limiting yourself, but that’s me. I’m an Aussie and I’d move to Norway in a heartbeat if I could. Maybe you’re not right for each other. You don’t seem to have any interest in experiencing a different culture for him like he is doing for you. Sounds very one-sided. I think you should consider whether this is going to cause resentment in the long run and definitely don’t have kids with him if you are worried about him going and not coming back.

It's okay saying marriage is about compromise, but is OP can't speak Norwegian, how is she supposed to work for a year? A year out of work might significantly impact her career. It's fine to not want to move. It's also fine that he wants to. You just both need to consider whether it's a deal breaker.

Yep. I’m with you on this OP. I think he actually might have just now realised that a lifetime in a foreign country for him isn’t perhaps what he wants and he wants to float the idea of living in Norway. It does seem manipulative- especially as it’s after you marry, not before. It’s a lot harder to leave once you’re there and married. If you hadn’t made it very clear very early on, I’d say you’re being unreasonable, but you’ve been up front from the off.

I'm not from the UK, DH is and we live here. Thinking about it, it would have been insanely unreasonable of me to, after six years, start demanding that we go and live in my birth country for a year.

Thought experiment, if the fiance was from Saudi would people be saying the same thing?

Oh gosh, do you feel sick?

People are allowed to change their minds and want different things from what they did in the past. You are also allowed to live exactly where you want. If you are going to be married to a man from another country this is one of the fundamental and deep questions you’ll have to resolve. If both of you are clear on what you want and it’s different things/places then you are not compatible. But the subject deserves discussion - there will be many more dilemmas and differences in a long relationship which will need to be resolved. This is your first (or last) one.

The flight is less than two hours and prices start at £25.
Lots of people do longer more expensive commutes. It's hardly the end of the world op. If you can't do it, you can't do it, but it's not an unreasonable expectation that you might do it for someone you love.

I have no idea how this relationship is going to work, OP. You are set to marry a Norwegian, brought up in Norway, whose whole family is from Norway, who dreams in Norwegian and you seem to share none of that with him. He has every right to want to go back home - he’s only suggesting a year, not a lifetime…and you’ve given a blanket no. Maybe 6 years ago he didn’t feel the pull to go back home, but now he does. And quite frankly, seeing how things are going in the UK now, he may well see Norway as a much more attractive proposition, economically, environmentally, equality-wise…

As someone married to a man not the same nationality as me, I chose to love in his country. I have lived here for 27 years now, happily, but if ever he had given me a blanket ban on living in my country, I would have felt very resentful and bitter. I also think our marriage would have been so much poorer had we not learnt each other’s languages. Language, expression and communication is so much part of who you are. There are parts of your fiancé you will never fully see if don’t try to learn some Norwegian. It’s a gorgeous language, try it! I don’t buy it when people say they are not linguistic. Everyone has learnt at least one language in their life - with a bit of effort you can learn the language of the most important person in your life. And if you have children, they’ll grow up speaking it too. I think you need to seriously evaluate what it means to be in a mixed culture, mixed language, mixed nationality relationship. Maybe your fiancé has been making one too many compromises and you’re not seeing or appreciating how much he has given up.

Everyone in Norway speak better English than they do here. I do not get why you wouldn’t do this. It sounds amazing

Compromise by learning Norwegian so he can speak Norwegian at home in the UK with you. That’s the compromise my DH and I have as we live in his country. I mean that’s at least showing a bit of effort…

Except she'd never be able to leave with her children?

💯 agree

There is a distinct difference to 'I never want to settle in another country' to 'I don't ever ever ever want to be outside of my home town for 5 minutes '. Only you know how you framed 'I don't want to live in Norway' to your finance. On the face of it, YABU not to consider a short term relocation.