What do you think of this ultimatum from Fiance?

I knew he would never want to move to Scotland and I accepted that.

Ah, but you're not from paradise aka Scandinavia - that changes everything!

In all seriousness I moved to the UK from another country and it wouldn't have crossed my mind to start badgering DH to move there.

Sounds to me like he misses home and wants to go back, If that's the case I don't see how the relationship will work as it will always be on his mind to go back, you say you'd miss your family, he likely misses his and wants to be able to see them, seems like you're only thinking about how you feel in this situation and not about how he also feels, I think it's probably for the best to split and you live here and he goes back home as its obviously on his mind and I can't see how he can stay here long term if he's always thinking about home

I am Scottish. I moved to London for work, where I met my husband, who comes from just outside London.

I knew he would never want to move to Scotland and I accepted that.

Sometimes you cant always get everything you want.

That’s because they don’t like admitting the hypocrisy.

I think Norway is lovely but I would absolutely hate to live there. I hate the dark and cold and wet. It makes me feel awful. When it rains here, I am miserable. Winters are really tough. I stay because of other things but, frankly, I’m sorely tempted to move somewhere with better weather. I would hate living in Oslo - I don’t care how good every other thing is, it doesn’t matter to me, I know I’d be miserable. That’s no less valid that someone who doesn’t want to live in Texas or Saudi Arabia - and PP have actually said that they only think OP is BU because it’s Norway!

The fiancé can change his mind all he wants but acting like OP is wrong for not changing hers or for bending her clearly established boundary is indefensible. Not to mention, the snakey and cowardly attempt to make it OP’s choice to end the relationship when it’s actually his choice.

Swap out “move to Oslo” with “do anal” and watch every single answer change to OP’s side.

No-one defending him has responded to my question of if your answer would be the same if he was from Saudi.

I expect he thought he could quash down his desire to live in his home country. Or perhaps that feeling as just grown stronger as he's got older and feels more settled in life he's looking further into the future and realising the extent of never living there again. It's making him reconsider things. Regardless, you labelling that as "manipulative" is just ludicrous. You're out of order using that language to describe his request. By doing that you're waving your own red flag at him.

If you read my original comment you will see.

Of course it is but my point is that there are some good reasons to decide to live in Norway and it’s not too far to return for visit family and friends.

Issuing any ultimatum is an unreasonable way of trying to resolve differences imo.

The reasonable thing to do is to have a discussion and try and find a compromise that you can both accept.

Not all foreigners are homing pigeons.

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. People are allowed to change their mind about the really big things in life – and him wanting to return to live in his home nation after years abroad is a big thing. Yes, you were clear at the start you'd never contemplate living in Oslo but we all know what it can be like when we're in the throes of a new romance and are so smitten we'll ignore the red flags.

Clearly there is no compromise to be had, given how unbending you sound on the matter. It might be worth considering though that everything you think about living Oslo is possibly how he feels about the UK – fish out of water etc. But if I were your fiancé I don't think I continue being with someone who is so scathing about where I'm from. I can't see how you get past this – you need to give the ring back and move on.

I kind of agree with this - people have a strong pull to their own country and if you marry international you have to - well, be a bit international.

Depends on whether he’s a keeper or not, really. If you don’t like his family and can’t be bothered to build that relationship then maybe there’s no future in it anyway, marriage being the joining of two families and all.

You think it's unreasonable of the OP to do exactly what she clearly and unequivocally stated she would always do? Or you think it is unreasonable of the OP to be a woman who says no to a man? Or you think because you personally would like to go there or wouldn't mind that she is unreasonable for having different feelings to you?

There is no way to market this as her being unreasonable, I'm afraid. He's allowed to change his mind, she is allowed to stick to what they decided very clearly 6 years ago.

Maybe you find Norwegians blunt and judgemental because you're English, and the English prevaricate about bloody everything? Maybe they seem judgemental because you are not hiding your judgement of them and their culture as well as you think you are?

If someone talked about my country the way you talk about your fiance's home country I would reconsider the relationship too, no matter whether I wanted to move there or not.

I do think you're being a bit unreasonable. Yes, you were clear about this upfront, but he's not asking you to move there permanently. He's asking for you to spend a year there. It's one thing to put your foot down after two months of dating. It's another to essentially say to someone you've committed to marry that you are so inflexible and you think so little of his preferences that you can't even commit to 12 months away.

I would definitely do this pre-children though.

Anyway, you are right not to give in to this, at all, since you are quite sure you never want to live there and have made that abundantly clear from the start. And you will just have to break up with him as he's obviously changed his mind and won't let it go. Such is life, unfortunately.

I don’t really understand why you want to get married to someone from another culture / country and have very little interest in experiencing their culture. But you expect him to ‘live in the burbs’. You don’t sound compatible. I can understand not wanting to make it permanent but a year in another European country would surely be a bit of an adventure?!

He's not wrong to change his mind, no, people do.

He is wrong to pretend to be confused, and he's wrong to imply she's being unfair and reasonable in order to try to coerce her into doing something she said a flat no to right at the start and numerous times since then.

Agree totally.

I will say that he may have meant it at the time and changed his mind over time - and that's fine, we all have a right to change our minds.

But what is not fine is him trying to coercively guilt trip the OP over it and pretend he's confused when he is absolutely not confused, he just wants her to give in to his coercion. And it's not fine that he thinks she should just smash down the clear boundary she set at the very beginning because now he has changed his mind.

Absolutely not. Uprooting your life isn’t something to do because you’re being guilt tripped. OP had a hard boundary and that should have been respected. I would feel betrayed if I progressed a new relationship, and worked towards getting married based on a frank, mutual understanding of what our life together would look like, only for him to significantly shift the goalposts like this. Had he been honest upfront that moving countries was a desirable outcome for him at the start, OP could have made the informed decision to end the relationship and invest time in someone else instead.

Correct. And he's not remotely confused, he just wants you to do what he wants, I hate that sort of disingenous use of language, it's bollocks.

He's the one being unfair and unreasonable by pretending he thinks you are when you were absolutely upfront and clear about this from the start.

Sounds like he won't stop trying to coerce you into this though, so maybe time to move on if you are really set on not going to Oslo. If he's already threatened to dump you over it, time to end the relationship.

Don't move there just to try it as you'll probably never get him shifted again and then you will be without your own support and back up. There was a woman on here a few weeks ago who had been coerced into moving to a town somewhere in the middle of nowhere that she absolutely hated so he could be near his mum. He was saying he would move next year, next year. 7 years later, I think it was, he admitted he'd no plans to leave and she had to pack up everything and start from scratch again.

You are being unreasonable for not thinking people can change their minds. Fiance obviously thought you could.

I would be agreeing to two years, either now or when your children are under five years old. It could be a wonderful experience to show the children their roots of half their family and immerse them in language etc.

Setting boundaries of time and moving there temporarily, after making a property purchase in the UK, would settle my worry about DH staying there.

You made it very clear from the start that you’d never move to Norway- whatever your reasons, you set a boundary which he accepted. You’re well within your right to stick to that boundary, moving to another country against your will is no joke.

It’s funny that the reactions on MN are very different on this situation depending on the country. There was one relating to eastern Europe which got very different reactions. Yes, Norway is a lovely country- but she doesn’t want to live there and made it clear from the start. It’s still a man trying to push a young woman to move away from her support network to a country where she doesn’t speak the native language.