What do you think of this ultimatum from Fiance?

And furthermore, @ConfusedSloth , I wouldn't be engaged to a any man unless he shared my values and a Saudi man who still supports his home regime wouldn't fit with that. A Saudi man who did not support his home regime would not be able to safely return anyway.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

You can't really compare being forced to live as a second class citizen, denied basic human rights and having the threat of imprisonment, corporal punishment and even execution without due process for things as simple as speaking freely, all whilst supporting a highly oppressive theocratic regime, with not really liking the cold.

There is nothing wrong with Texas apart from the heat. Dallas is one of the most diverse cities in the US and Austin is pretty cool!

Are you both on board with moving to the suburbs?

I'd definitely consider living one year in Oslo in your situation - as long as my job prospects don't suffer.

ps. having re-read the OP, I think this must be a reverse.

I agree, neither is being unreasonable but I think they are both going in different directions now.

It's quite a popular idea to see countries as just random places that you can compare and contrast on a grid, with extra points for high wages and negative points for crime etc, then just hop over once you've analysed all the options and selected the optimal choice from your Excel sheet.

Passports to collect.

Culture is just different flavours of food and different coloured clothes, right?

Have you seen anyone at all say that Norway is a terrible place that no one in their right mind would want to live!?

Literally no one at all has even almost implied it’s unreasonable for Norwegian people to want to live in Norway. No one.

If that’s your point, why are you making a completely irrelevant point again and again and again?

I. AM. NOT. SAYING. SHE. SHOULD. Quite the opposite. I am just saying that from the boyfriend's perspective, who is from there, speaks the language etc., it is not unreasonable to want to live there because on paper it makes sense. Neither of them are wrong or right, their wants are just too different for them to be together.

It doesn’t matter if each citizen has more money that Elon Musk. It doesn’t matter if the trees on the pavement bear fruit that gives immunity from pain and all illnesses. It doesn’t matter if residency comes with a personal chef and masseuse.

OP. Doesn’t. Want. To. Live. There.

What is so hard to understand?

Regardless it is a much richer country with more natural resources and richer inhabitants. They make more money, they spend more money, they are left with more money.

@Megifer hush now, it's utopia. Everyone on MN knows that!

I agree. Also, you need to pass language exams in order to be granted residency, which as a spouse living there, OP will need at some point. Most Scandinavians do speak fluent English, but they don't like it if you live there and don't speak it. Not understanding the flow of conversations and daily life around you can make you feel rather isolated, not to mention that navigating any sort of of bureacracy requires knowledge of the language to navigate rules, forms etc. If not you become dependent on the native spouse to do everything for you, which again is isolating and can lead to stressful dynamics. Norway is a rich country and quality of life is high, but one should not be blind to the challenges faced by immigrant spouses, whose visa is dependent on the native spouse, especially when they do not speak the language.

Salaries might be higher but taxes are higher, col generally higher, everything higher by the looks of it. Seems the main factors that makes it a nice place to live are work life balance and nature.

Some interesting results coming up when researching child poverty in Norway.

Or, if both of you have come to realise that you don’t want to live outside your home countries, you might have to accept that spending the rest of your lives together is not going to be possible.

Well it's not if you are on a Norwegian salary. Norwegian people are far welthier than British people. Child poverty rate in the UK is 31% and in Norway it's 6.7% for example. Norway has an excellent welfare system. The two countries are really not comparable.

I've just read up a bit about living in Norway and tbh im not seeing this utopia that others are. It sounds very expensive to live for a start.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all; unfortunately though, him saying/doing this has changed the relationship forever because one of you will get their own way and the other will resent it.

I think it is deal breaker territory. The country is irrelevant really. You have to be fair lived there for a month and hated it, so you aren't making a blind decision.

The only way I can see this working is either a long distance relationship where fiance eventually decides that he is happy to live here permanently and never brings it up again; or you split up, he goes back to Norway to live and then realises he is happy to live here permanently and never bring up again; or, you split permanently.

Sad situation for you to be in OP and I feel for you really. Neither of you are particularly in the wrong either, which makes it more difficult to accept as a deal breaker. There is no compromise to be had really, unless you both agree to move to a 3rd country so you can both be equally unhappy, which would obviously be ridiculous.

I agree with this. They probably both are at a stage in their lives when they're realising family is important and it's one thing to explore the world when you're young but at some point it helps to have roots and connections and a village and shared cultural values. Which do vary between European countries, even if the differences aren't as stark as to China/Saudi etc!

I don't necessarily think OP should move to Norway, she'll be miserable but so will he staying in the UK when his heart isn't in it. I can definitely see the appeal of Oslo over a London suburb though, in a way I couldn't see the appeal of Saudi over a London suburb. Of course the place matters, I wouldn't choose Mogadishu over Geneva or Islamabad over Vancouver. Choosing a place with better quality of life (Norway), especially when you are entering the phase of having children, isn't rocket science. Either way, they need to break up now before either one gets too resentful.

People are also ignoring that you can be fluent in a language and still not be able to integrate natively. I speak a language fluently and when I lived abroad, I still couldn’t build relationships properly or in the same way as I could build them in English.

he wouldn’t be asking his girlfriend to move to Saudi for a year, wouldn’t they already have to be married ?

a year or two to get as much money tax free, without having any children, I’d think about it

I'm quite interested in everyone saying OP is BU for not speaking Norwegian well enough to feel comfortable living there for a year. It's really hard, even if you have some facility for languages.

I speak a couple of European languages to around B1, maybe lower B2 level which required a lot of effort and money over multiple years (not just a bit of Duolingo) to get to, and I still don't feel anywhere near confident in those languages even after living in each place for 6-12mo+. It's one thing to be able to do your groceries but even the most basic conversation in the pub requires fast paced listening in noisy environments to people with accents who are making cultural references and in-jokes you don't get - this is before any desires to work or have deep conversations etc.

Obviously immersion helps but it requires very active effort and for the language learning to be the "project" that you consciously work on, and being willing to go through a long time where you don't understand anything and limit yourself to conversations a child would have (i.e. if you ask people not to speak English around you).

That can be rewarding if it's the project you are passionate about. It's difficult cultural friction constantly in everything around you, even in that case. Let alone OP's where she doesn't want to do it.

Funny that.

I agree if you move to another place it’s not automatic that you take the person back. It was an initial decision and the other person has to be keen.