What do you think of this ultimatum from Fiance?

But you can't seriously suggest that getting to understand the other culture means going to live there?

yes I am.
I have lived in 5 different countires and I have a non British husband.
many of my friends have cross cultural marriages.

The only way you really get inside a culture is to live there. Could be 3 months or 3 years, but it has to be more than a holiday.
And if you are planning on marrying cross culturally then take some months out from your life and go and live in their culture. Serious about spending the rest of your lives together? Then get serious about understanding him from the inside.

But the bigger point is that OP does need to grasp the idea that they have 2 cultures in this marriage and that her culture is not superior to his just because of where they live.
I don't know from OP's posts if she does get that, it is clear she doesn't want to go to Norway, but not clear how much she embraces his Norwegian-ness, I may be completely wrong.

And the answer to that is to move back if you are so bothered, or live with it - but you can't imo expect to involve someone else in fixing your self-created problem. but she is involved, because they are in a serious relationship. And how they work this out will determine is that relationship lasts.

As an aside from all this philosophising about the highs and lows of cross-cultural relationships...

Do people really see "London suburbs" as so very dire? I can think of a lot of worse places to live in the world than Wimbledon Village...

But you can't seriously suggest that getting to understand the other culture means going to live there?

I know plenty of foreign nationals who have married people they met in the UK and they have lived their lives here. Lots of trips to the other country but not living there.

I think most people would see that as unreasonable if the UK partner isn't keen.

In fact, London has a thriving Norwegian community. There is a Norwegian school in Wimbledon.

Fact is, moving to another country does mean cutting some ties and losing cultural connections. And the answer to that is to move back if you are so bothered, or live with it - but you can't imo expect to involve someone else in fixing your self-created problem.

The relationship is dead.

If I was him and had asked you to come to Oslo for a year and you said no never and the only option was to follow you to the suburbs of London then it would be over.

Let's face it he's less important to you than your family and friends and that's no basis for a long term relationship.

Does he have friends?

If he wants to spend a year in Oslo then that's fine, he can come back for weekends to see you if he wants.

@steppemum exactly this.

It’s one thing living in the UK unattached, choosing to do so, but knowing you could return home whenever you wanted.

It’s quite another thing knowing you can’t just get on a plane anymore, that returning home is no longer just your decision, and that you may never return.

People saying “but he wouldn’t be sacrificing anything, he was already living there” don’t get it at all. You are absolutely sacrificing something when you commit to be with someone in another country.

I think they’ve both been naive about the implications of committing to someone from another country. But it’s hard to fully grasp until you’re faced with it.

and for those saying but he hasn't given anything up because they met in UK where he chose to live.

Well, yes, as a young person in your 20s you might choose to live in many countries.
But then as someone in a serious relationship where you are planning on settling and having kids together, suddenly you are faced with not just living overseas for a while, but leaving behind everything from your own country and giving that up. You suddenly realise that your kids may not be able to talk to their grandparents, that your Mum isn't going to be able to babysit etc etc.

Suddenly it becomes more real, and you have to choose if it is something you want to do for life.
Yes he has changed his opinion since they met, but I am not surprised, I think it is a normal process. OP has to decide whether she wants to stay or not.

If he does wnat her to move there, then yes, it would be a deal breaker.
For what it is worth, I think he probably is hoping that she likes it and wants to stay. Which looks unlikely from what OP has said.

The point I am trying to make in my posts though is that this is a relationship.
This relationship, whether you like it or not has 2 cultures in it.
Even if they choose to stay in the UK, there are still 2 cultures in it, and it is not OK to say I want nothing to do with your culture.
I am suggesting that she opens herself to explore his culture and learn more about him. To recognise that there are 2 cultures in this relationship. Because if they do go on and have kids, even if they stay in the UK, then he is going to want his kids ot know about his culture and language, and the messages from the OP suggest that she is not open to that.

That could include some time living in Norway. As someone in a cross cultural marriage I cannot tell you how important I think it is to live in your partner's culture for a while.

But the OP has the right to say, no thanks, I am not interested. That is also fine. But then that is probably the end of the relationship.

As another PP keeps saying, this doesn't have to be a blame game. It does however have to be an honest conversation.

Same. If you move and meet someone and they say ok let’s do this but I’m not moving it’s pretty clear.

But he moved here. He had some pull to the UK. She has none for Norway. It is not the same.

I am from Scotland. I came to London and met my husband. I feel that it is profoundly unfair to move somewhere, meet someone, then expect them to move to your country.

How does he feel about the plan to only stay in London for a couple of years then move to the suburbs?

The poster said she isn't into winters, dark nights and all these other Norwegian things or people.

He really should go now and date his Oslo girls

Not as mental as interpreting implications as "berating" and "pestering".

and he might miss his social life, friends and family and feel like an outsider? I miss my family and friends too living in a different country from them even though we meet up, video chat etc

So it’s only unreasonable if you explicit say unfair things, not if you imply unfair things?

The mental gymnastics here are, well, mental

It's OK for him to change his mind from not wanting children to wanting them, and to bring it up as something to discuss.

It's obviously OK for her to refuse to change her stance. Of course she wouldn't be unreasonable. I've said repeatedly she's not unreasonable to refuse in this case.

Again where is the "considerable pressure"? He has implied, but not said, that he would consider ending the relationship. That isn't considerable pressure. It's another obvious consequence of two people wanting different things in life. He has implied, but not said, she's unreasonable - he would be wrong if he actually said that, but I cannot get worked up about "implying" things and I certainly don't consider it "considerable pressure".

All right. Say the OP had openly said from the outset and right through the relationship that she did not want to have children under any circumstances. And now, her fiance is putting considerable pressure on her to change her mind. Would that be okay for him to do that? Do you think she would be unreasonable in refusing to change her stance?

Nothing new to say after you’ve completely and totally ignored what was already said. I’m not wasting my time repeating myself

Caught out making shit up and nothing to say, it seems.

😂😂😂🙄

Oh my bad, I assumed he wanted to move back for good and was offering this as a compromise.

But it doesn't matter. He's not unreasonable for suggesting it, she's not unreasonable for rejecting it. You are unreasonable for inventing all sorts of shit from "berating" to "pestering" to "dictating" to "medals".

Read between the lines or as others may say make up your own story. I think people who use this phrase do so because what's been said doesn't fit the story they're creating.

I think there isn't room for compromise here. You don't want to and don't need to. Just break up. Norway is the other side of the world nearly (well about 2 hrs by plane). You could stay together and he could live in Oslo for a year (longer if he wanted) and just fly over for the weekend. I spent a couple of years working away from home only seeing OH at weekends and holidays, not ideal but can be done.
A benefit of this would be that you don't have to put up with the inlaws I suspect though there might be problems if granny Norse never gets to see her grandchildren.

How is it a compromise for him to get exactly what he wants? That makes no sense at all. What is he compromising on exactly?!

Sorry, I meant to quote the post that said “Maybe she needs to experience what he experienced to understand what he has given up for her.”

It’s interesting though that you’re insisting neither of them are wrong but you’ve only defended him on this thread and not once defended OP…

He wants to move back to Oslo and he's hoping you would agree to stay after a year there.

He's being unreasonable and not open with you.

You've been upfront since Day 1 you will not live in Oslo. You want to stay where you are for a couple of years then move to the suburbs. He was fine with that until he wasn't. Now he's "requested" you live there for a year. I don't think he would move back after a year.

Sit down with him and lay it out and ask him to lay it out honestly for you. Is he willing to stay where you are then move to the suburbs as planned? It really doesn't sound like it from here. Or is he wanting to move back home and hoping you'll change your mind?

I think you're going to find the two of you want to live in different countries.