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Original poster

What do you think of this ultimatum from Fiance?

460 replies

Pladi · 13/08/2025 19:02

Fiancé and I met in our mid 20s in London. He is Norwegian. I have always been completely upfront that I would never even contemplate living in Norway. Not even Oslo. I must have made this clear from around the 2nd month of dating. Fiancé accepted that as he hated growing up in a fairly small town anyway.

Since becoming engaged fiancé has requested that we live in Oslo for a year after we marry. Just as an experience. I have said absolutely bloody not. There’s a long list of reasons why I wouldn’t consider this. Fiancé is “confused” as I did spend 18 months in Seattle for work. But Seattle (where I speak the language and am somewhat familiar with the culture) is a very different proposition to Oslo.

Im not happy that he’s changing the goal posts despite the fact I have never been anything but brutally transparent.

Ideally we would live in London for a couple more years then make the move to the burbs.

I’m not being unreasonable, am I?

OP posts:
Scottishskifun · 13/08/2025 19:14

Norway has some of the best childcare and at a low cost.
Whilst I get not wanting to be pushed into an ultimatum if you both have working opportunities then I wouldn't rule it out so quickly.

FrostyMorn · 13/08/2025 19:13

People do change their minds about things, especially with age, and this seems like quite a natural thing for your fiancé to change his about. This isn't really the same as 'moving the goal posts'. It's his home country, after all. Why are you so dead against it?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 13/08/2025 19:13

I feel like you should learn to speak the language of the man youre marrying

I dont think youre unreasonable but I can see why he feels unhappy, its like youre not interested in his country and culture x

Sparklybanana · 13/08/2025 19:11

As long as it was just a year I'd be up for that? New experience before kids come, new language.
Norway is actually lovely and the bakeries are amazing. We spent some time there about 15 years ago and I still dream about the bakeries.
I think youre being a little unreasonable to not even talk about it.

WhatColourTiles · 13/08/2025 19:10

You don’t sound very compatible. A good marriage is for life. You are refusing to accept your partner feels connected to his homeland, and he is not accepting that you mean what you say when you refuse to move there.
He should find someone more flexible and you should find someone who wants to live in the burbs.

Clearinguptheclutter · 13/08/2025 19:09

Pladi · 13/08/2025 19:02

Fiancé and I met in our mid 20s in London. He is Norwegian. I have always been completely upfront that I would never even contemplate living in Norway. Not even Oslo. I must have made this clear from around the 2nd month of dating. Fiancé accepted that as he hated growing up in a fairly small town anyway.

Since becoming engaged fiancé has requested that we live in Oslo for a year after we marry. Just as an experience. I have said absolutely bloody not. There’s a long list of reasons why I wouldn’t consider this. Fiancé is “confused” as I did spend 18 months in Seattle for work. But Seattle (where I speak the language and am somewhat familiar with the culture) is a very different proposition to Oslo.

Im not happy that he’s changing the goal posts despite the fact I have never been anything but brutally transparent.

Ideally we would live in London for a couple more years then make the move to the burbs.

I’m not being unreasonable, am I?

not the point but what’s wrong with Norway?

if you’d said Saudi Arabia or Texas I’d be on your side

Mumrant123 · 13/08/2025 19:07

Why is there a blanket no on your part? Sounds like he made some adjustments for you like going to Seattle. Marriage is about compromise. You need to break this down more, why does he particularly want to go back to Norway? Is it to be close to family or is it purely that he wants to live somewhere else outside of London and this is what he is familiar with?

Dangermoo · 13/08/2025 19:07

You're unreasonable for saying "burbs" 🤢

Original poster
Pladi · 13/08/2025 19:06

AmyDudley · 13/08/2025 19:05

What's the ultimatum?

Well he’s implied I’m being unfair and unreasonable and that changes how he views our relationship. He hadn’t exactly said he will dump me but it was somewhat he would have to reconsider things. It’s all a bit too manipulative for my liking.

OP posts:
AmyDudley · 13/08/2025 19:05

What's the ultimatum?

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