What do you think of this ultimatum from Fiance?

I love London. I've lived here my entire life. I am a classic London wanker. A year in Oslo would be amazing! Surely! Before you settle down and move to the suburban hell of the "burbs". Also, if you're marrying a Norwegian, show you're serious by learning at least a bit of the language.

It does seem unreasonable that there’s no compromise full stop. Presumably you’re in a country you’ve always been familiar with, he’s not. Effectively you’re telling him he can never live in his own country again if he wants to be with you but it’s ok for you to do it. Maybe he thought you might feel different a few years down the line.

That’s a legitimate worry. You obviously don’t want to be the reason why the marriage ends after 12 months.

He’s not unreasonable to change his mind about living in Norway.

You are not unreasonable to not change your mind about living in Norway.

If you had children while living in Oslo and split up with him then you’d be stuck living in Norway or spending 18 years commuting to Oslo.

I’m surprised that you’ve not started learning Norwegian though. Don’t you plan for bilingual children?

This sounds like a massive problem that needs sorting before marriage. A lot of people change their minds about living abroad because they want their families to know their children but you need to ask details about if your brutal honestly wasn’t clear enough. Is it possible that cultural differences didn’t make it clear to him?

Urm, so you think he gets to say “it’s my way or the highway” but should dump OP for the exact same mindset? Even though OP’s mindset was a shared and agreed upon mindset?

You shouldn’t have said the city. If you’d not said then people would’ve assumed it was a “poor” country or one outside Europe and been on your side.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. You made very clear that you have a boundary. Just because he, I or other posters think Oslo is great doesn’t change what your boundary is. You said no, very early on and very clearly, to living there and he agreed. Now he’s changed his mind.

Further, it’s very interesting that he wants to live there after you’re married for a year. What happens after that year when he won’t move back to London? A divorce in Norwegian courts where you don’t understand the system or speak the language? Why not before marriage when you can freely walk away if he doesn’t want honour his promise to move back? How can you trust that he’ll move back when he’s already changed his mind once?

Ultimately, is doesn’t matter who is reasonable though. You don’t want to live there and, even if you agreed to go for a year, cannot trust that he won’t change his mind. If he is adamant that you must either go with him or the relationship ends, you can’t force him to stay.

Oh I’d go in a heartbeat 💕 I love Oslo (I realise I’ve completely missed the point of the thread…) good luck with whatever you decide x

Guess you have to call his bluff if you really don't want to.

If it comes to it are you prepared to separate over it?

It's tempting to reply yabu because I like Oslo and loved living abroad in my twenties. But you don't want that and have been clear from the start. It's a tricky one. I don't think he's unreasonable to want both of you to live in his homeland for a bit. You'd also get to see a different side to him - people are generally more themselves in their home environment, native language etc. I guess neither of you are unreasonable exactly. Maybe incompatible like PP said.

I think neither of you is right or wrong about living in Norway in principle and you can’t say never for the whole life. If someone told me in 1995 that in 30 years I would live in UK I would die from laughing. The problem is that from the very beginning you told him about desire to stay in UK and nothing changed apart from your engagement so it looked indeed like an ultimatum. Your start position was always clear - to stay in London so in a way it’s take it or leave it. He signalled to you that he took it so if he changed his view it’s better to let you know asap.

I suspect he's hoping that you'll stay on Oslo once you get there, my DH promised a move that never materialised and once you have kids , you're stuck.

So it's your way or the highway? Not really a good foundation for a marriage and I don't blame him for reconsidering.

Its probably best to sit down with him and tell him hes known from the start you won't live there, that hasn't changed and it won't change, and if that's a deal breaker for him you understand and you can call it quits.

Its not manipulative.
Hes thinking of his future and what his life will look like with you. Someone unmovable to his wants

So, he is right to consider this a deal breaker.
You're not wrong to say you won't move. But you need to marry someone with that same idea.

Theres no point holding it over him that he agreed to this in his early 20s. Thats a life time ago and now hes considering forever.

Both of you are entitled to change mind about location. While he may have been fine with it before, things change.
At least you save on divorce since it's such a flat out no for whatever reason?

I’d rather live in Norway than the uk. I mean if you’ve been clear since day 1 fair enough but honestly use are not compatible of you aren’t willing to compromise he will resent you eventually. Not sure why you couldn’t do the year you might grow to love it.

It's one year. You'll have to compromise during marriage. it's a two way street.

I would never dream of moving after children - you might be stuck there without his permission to take them back. And before children, could you take that long away from your job without torpedoing your career?

You’re not compatible.

I think he needs to reconsider the relationship. I do think you’re unreasonable with your blanket no. I guess the sensible answer is to split now, as he is clearly not happy with your plans for your living arrangements, and even if he accepts it now, it will no doubt resurface later down the line.

Might be fun, Oslo is a cool city
Why don't you want to?