What do you think of this ultimatum from Fiance?

How does he feel as an ‘outsider’ here?

I don’t see it as an ultimatum but something he deeply wants to try. You don’t. Neither of you are ‘wrong’ but you both want different things. If neither is prepared to compromise for the sake of the relationship and do it willingly, then it’s best to break up. But don’t have a go at him for changing his mind or imply you have the moral high ground because you were always up front. Life isn’t always so clearly defined and it’s possibly come to crunch time. At least there are no children involved whatever you both decide.

Speaking as someone who married a foreigner, there really are many compromises to be made. I personally feel you really have to love in the other persons country , if only for a. short time, to truly understand where they are coming from..literally and metaphorically!

Also, another thing to note is that in certain European countries, if you have children there, and you are married to a citizen you cannot legally remove the children from the country without parental consent or a court order, or it is seen as abduction. I'm not sure if Norway is one of them. Worst case, you could be trapped living in a country where you don't want to be until children are 18. Be very careful with this one. It might just be one year abroad, but I've rarely met anyone who did this and it was just one year.

You're not compatible. That's really all there is to it. It's that simple and it's not that deep.

He's not unreasonable to have changed his mind - about anything, but spending time in his home country as he got older was completely predictable, no matter what he told you earlier on.

You're not unreasonable to have not changed your mind. (You are unreasonable and incurious to pass up a year in Oslo in favour of the utterly fucking boring "a few more years in London then a life in suburban tedium" though.)

You're unreasonable to think he should have predicted he would change his mind and break up with you due to some sort of premonition?

This is something couples split up over all the time and it's par for the course that you will too.

I don’t think either of you is being unreasonable, you both want to live in your home country. He may have thought that wasn’t important to him before, but it can become more important as you get older, settle down, possibly think about children etc. The relationship won’t work, one of you needs to end it. It doesn’t sound like he’s giving you an ultimatum, he’s just saying the same as you really, just later in the relationship, but still early enough that the relationship can be ended without too much trouble as it’s only been a few years and you’re not married and I’m presuming no kids as you haven’t mentioned any. He’s absolutely right to say how he feels and that he may need to rethink things.

People change. Maybe it's best you break up now and you live the life you want and he lives the life he wants. FWIW I don't think he will struggle to meet someone who fancies a European passport!

So it’s your way or the highway? Don’t you think you’re giving him an ultimatum too?

It’s fine to not want to live in Norway, and it’s also fine to change your mind and want to go back to your home country for whatever reason. If that’s not compatible then that’s that, but nobody here would be unreasonable.

I'm with you in thinking this is manipulative.
You say you don't ever want to move to Norway. He agrees, and you proceed with the relationship.

You get engaged. Then he decides he does want to live in Norway - ' just for a year'. He changed the goalposts, not you.

I'd bet, if you moved there 'just for a year' he'd change the goalposts again.

Stick to you guns! Take some long holidays in Norway, to show willing, but don't let him lead you step by step, through ultimatums, to a conclusion he wants but you have said from the start you don't.

If u go u he won’t come back home -

You have good things here and it’s not a requirement to want to go somewhere else.

You can say no, if it means a break up though would that change things for you on the answer?

Oh wow - I would love to move to Norway!!!! So clean, not overcrowded, so much nature everywhere….

If you move for a year - he’ll change the goal posts again and want 2, 3, 4 etc. as said upthread, you have children abroad you’d better pray the relationship lasts.

it’s not just what he’s saying, it’s the way he’s going about this too. Making out your unreasonable, and doing a 180 and not even acknowledging properly your previous clear communication re not moving there.

it doesn’t matter if you used to live on planet mars, you don’t want to move to Norway.

I will never understand men or women who meet someone while they're abroad and expect them to move.

He doesnt expect her to move. He's made what seems a reasonable request for her to try it for a while. People change over time. Neither he nor the OP are the same people they were eight years ago. And he does have a point that despite her saying she would never live anywhere else, she did go to the US for 18 months.

I agree, and I said as much to OP.

That doesn’t change that several posters are saying OP must compromise and marriage is all about compromise and how she has to see his side 🙄

Well, if it’s a deal breaker for you then you’ll have to walk away.

I appreciate he has changed his mind but why are you so vehemently against living there for a year. You might like it. It’s a beautiful country.

I think you need to break up with him now.
you will be unhappy in Oslo he will never be happy without giving it a try - there is just too much compromise.

compromise I suspect over the past 6 years he or both of you were hoping would go away but it hasn’t and it won’t

Yanbu at all.

I'd happily compromise on Chinese rather than Indian for tea, going to Greece instead of Spain for a holiday. But living somewhere I dont want to? Just no. Not ever.

Hes already pushing against your clear "no". First its just a year, then it'll be "but we're settled now", then he'll push more and more.

And the inability to move back to the UK with her kids if she chose to. She'd be stuck in Norway for 18 years, a country she doesn't want to live in or move home alone as the non resident parent and see her kids in the holidays.

I agree with this. I see years of resentment from both sides ahead , not to mention the very messy and complicated situation of splitting after you have children. Some things can’t be fixed and I think this pull he has back to Norway is not going to go away. Unless he is ok about just having holidays there?

I wonder if your fiance feels excluded from your family. If he finds their conversation superficial, blunt and judgemental.

just a thought.

He obviously thought wrong didn’t he. Op has been honest about not moving. Maybe he should of been honest about wanting to move back someday

She can be as unwavering as she wants.

He wants to live in his home country and no relationship will get past that, long term

It also has great maternity/paternity benefits and leave.

If you don’t want to, you don’t want to. That’s your right, especially as you always made your position clear.

If it’s a deal-breaker for him, you’ll have to make a difficult decision. But bear in mind that this is likely to be an issue throughout your lives together. Maybe the ideas each of you has about your future together are not compatible.