What do you think of this ultimatum from Fiance?

Yes. He is driving a wedge. He wants to move back to Norway.

I understand that uprooting and changing job for a year doesn't seem attractive to you.

However, it sounds you are hoping he would just forget about being from Norway and having any connections there.

You don't like Norway, you don't like Oslo, you don't like his family, you gave up on a language, you don't like feeling like an outsider, but you don't do much to feel more inside.

Imagine you would have children with him - would you be ready to welcome his family in England? Spend some time over there every year so the children would have contact with their family?

Even if you don't live there long-term, I can't see the relationship working unless you find a way to work with Norway (as a happy regular visitor).

If you do spend a year there it is better to do it before you marry, not after.

YABU and YANBU. It’s fair enough to say that you made your position clear at the beginning, but you’re BU in not considering his feelings. Perhaps he feels like you’re rejecting his culture and country? Perhaps he wants to share it with you so you can experience it properly? Perhaps he’s worried that if you have children you’ll totally erase/ignore their Norwegian heritage?

Why not compromise? Could you go for 6 months, for example? Promise to visit with him every year for a week or two?

My DSis is married to someone from another European country and although they live in the U.K., they spend a few weeks each year in his home country; she’s learnt some basic language; his family visit regularly; and their DC are bilingual.

So you’re calling OP a liar? Noted.

Were you there? You seem to have information that contradicts what OP has said.

He wants: one year in Oslo and then a life in England.
She wants: no time in Oslo and a life in England.

He’s demanding: one year in Oslo and then a life in England.

What exactly is he compromising on? Or are you trying to defend by calling him a liar who is telling OP he wants one year there to trap her into living there permanently?

But op’s friends and family matter a lot to her.

My English cousin and his Norwegian wife have recently decided to leave Norway, because they find it too insular and judgemental.

He is clearly trying to get you to spend time in Norway OP, with a view to persuading you to stay there.

He hasn't said any of that. He hasn't made an ultimatum either. OP has perceived that he has insinuated that he would break up with her if she doesn't move. All he has done is open the idea up for discussion by suggesting they spend a year there. He hasn't told her off or demanded that she changes her mind. He's free to express his feelings too.

irrelevant. As has been said upthread, everyone is entitled to have dealbreakers. There is no point discussing or examining options if the "thing" is a dealbreaker. I agree that this means that the relationship is dead though.

One year in his country vs the rest of their lives in hers is very much a compromise.

I can sense your anger at his change in mind… he probably didn’t see it coming either. You don’t want to move because you’d miss home, family, language. He didn’t know he’d miss those things. Neither of you are wrong but you can’t compromise … you could both get a mobile job and live 6 months in each and work remotely as an example(not easy)

I know you feel you’ve been mis sold… which is possibly not true. He misses feeling truly at home… you know you can’t feel truly at home in his country. Not sure this is surmountable op

This (my mum uses that expression 'your way or the highway' and I love it).

OP, v you sound very inflexible and too much like hard work. I'm not surprised he's reconsidering. Can't you see that it's not really this issue that's making him reconsider but it's your attitude?

100% this!!!

And this isnt even a compromise its literally "do what what he wants"!

To be honest Norway has one of the best quality of life and living standard in the world. It’s far better than the UK at this point. I’d be up for it!

I would agree but just make it very clear that it is just 1 year and you wouldn't want to live there long term, just incase he's hoping you go there and want to stay.

It might be reasonable for him to change his mind but why are all the posters who are so desperate to defend him ignoring that he’s not only changed his mind, he’s told OP off for not changing hers and said she has to change her opinion whenever he changes his?

That’s not at all reasonable.

Even if you think commitment and agreement in a marriage (which I guarantee those posters only apply to things they don’t care about), why is he reasonable in berating OP for holding to a preference about her own life when he won’t compromise on his preference?

People seem to think the title of the thread is “should I like Norway?”

I'd say he's looking for a way out of the relationship.

I'd give my right arm to live in Norway! But if it's a red line for you then you should probably move on as this marriage isn't going to work. No-one is right or wrong, you're just not compatible.

Except that if someone has changed their mind they should be open about their reasons, their feelings, their long term plan, they should introduce the idea and give theor partner some time to think about it, and acknowledge they have dropped a grenade into the relationship by completely changing the goalposts that were agreed at the outset. Not just so a 180 and drop an implied ultimatum on their partner for the sake of an 'experience'

That’s not needed. People don’t have to move.

Bonkers isn't it.

I've lived overseas, loved the experience but my home is here. It's as if it's taboo or close minded nowadays to want to be in the UK.

It doesn’t really matter if it’s Oslo or Oswestry; neither of you are being unreasonable. You’ve made it perfectly clear that it’s not something you’d ever be willing to consider. And, as for him, people change as they get older. What might have been fine a few years ago might well sound awful now.

What’s important is what happens next. This is a major thing, right up there with attitudes about children, money and division of household labour. If you don’t agree on these things, and can’t find a workable compromise, your marriage is destined to fail. So do you accept that you want different things in life and split now? Or do you go through with a marriage knowing it can’t possibly succeed without one of you being deeply unhappy?

I’m not sure that you are cut out for marriage.