What do you think of this ultimatum from Fiance?

How after 6 years together and an engagement, has this come out of the blue? Frankly I think you’ve got bigger issues if you don’t communicate about such big things.

Norway is an incredible place to live. London ‘burbs’ are a tragic place to live. Understandable if you HAVE to work in London, can’t afford the centre so have to live further out, but any other option is preferable, surely??? And Norway is presented to you and you turn it down? Goodness you don’t deserve him!

Know much about Norway, do you? Its insularity, and culture?

not exactly same but when i met my husband he lived 200 miles away i said id never move there so it was up to him if he wanted to carry on the relationship

you made it clear from the beginning and now hes changed the goalposts

Just as an aside OP. This country is fucked. And it will only get worse. Maybe Norway will be a fresh start.

YANBU - my DP is pulling a somewhat similar stunt but in my case, I’m the one who’s set on moving and he had previously agreed to it. However as we live in his hometown and all his family is here, I think he has just been agreeing to appease me.

We may very well break up if when the time finally comes (I’m waiting for DD to finish her studies) he still doesn’t want to.

I'm with you. If you made it clear at the beginning you weren't going to consider it, then nothings changed.

It's all well and good saying someone might change their mind, but equally, they may not. And while it's fine to ask... if the answer is as it always was, then that's that

Dont move to the suburbs, stay in proper London.

I wouldn’t move to Norway either, it sounds really dull.

I haven't RTFT, but judging by the first page, I think you're getting a hard time here, OP. You were very honest about your wishes from the beginning of the relationship, and it's plausible he may end up wanting to stay in Norway, even if that's not currently an ulterior motive.

As someone in a 20+ year relationship with someone from non-english speaking country, of course it's not a given that you will learn his native tongue. Some people don't pick up languages that easily, and it's simply not necessary. If you do have children and he wishes them to speak Norwegian, he can teach them that.

It's also amusing that you are apparently unreasonable for not wanting to move to Scandinavia, yet reluctant at moving to the netherworld that is Texas would be completely understandable.😂

He of course is free to change his mind, but he shouldn't be shocked that you still feel the way you did at the beginning of the relationship. Perhaps you could compromise on a shorter stay, but he needs to be honest with you about his intentions. Is he having second thoughts about staying in England?

Oh don't be ridiculous. This is not a "hating men" issue. It would be the same if the OP's partner were female.

OP's partner is clearly trying to drive a wedge, to eventually persuade OP to move to Norway. Against her expressed wishes.

He said, according to OP “I’m being unfair and unreasonable and that changes how he views our relationship. He hadn’t exactly said he will dump me but it was somewhat he would have to reconsider things.”

That is very much a telling off and expecting she change her mind just because he does. It cannot be interpreted any other way

I think this is sensible.

I’m not sure. It sounds like he may be feeling homesick. Unfortunately you’re both going to face this, and may need to alternate where you live, or compromise in some way. If I was faced with ‘I’m not living where you were from ever’ it would possibly make me question things. What you’re effectively saying is that ‘while we’re together you will never live where you came from’. Yes you say he’s from a small town, but there’s the culture he’s from. Take it as an opportunity to either grow together and broaden your experiences, or as a no go. If it’s a no go, you’ve both had a luck escape. Sorry if it sounds harsh, you both need to be clear on this from the start or you’ll do yourselves no favours

What does it mean for your career and job?
Tbh I would do it before you are married though and postpone the wedding date. So a year in oslo and then both sit down and decide which country you want to settle in. You are giving him the same ultimatum by refusing to even try, just you gave it at the beginning and he is giving it now.
I also think that I would be learning the language of the person I am marrying regardless of if I want to live in their country. Your kids will have Norwegian heritage and it should be important to you that they can learn the language and culture.

Maybe he was just human and thought he could cope with never going back but found the reality far harder. I mean I know how much you all hate men on here but real life isn’t that black and white unfortunately .

Don’t do it. You’re familiar enough with the place to know you don’t like it. There’s no reason for you to ‘try it’. I think you’re right to think he’ll refuse to move back.

Who is to say it won't turn permanent? if OP then has children but wants to come back, it could get tricky.

"Pladi · Today 19:26

I’m also very happy with my social life in the UK. I have two sisters I’m close to (one is my twin). And I just became an aunt. I also have a really great group of friends. I am very blessed and would miss them all terribly. Even if it’s only for a year. My family spends a lot of time together.

I hate feeling like an outsider also"

Do you get thats how he feels all the time? Do you have any smpathy for that? Its not coming across in your posts. Do you love him and want him to be happy?

Its fine for this to be a dealbreaker. Its also fine for him to get older and feel more differently about things. The longer you are away from your home country the harder it can get. In your twenties your friends are all scattered across the palce. As your finding now , when you get older people start having kids and it makes some people think about what kind of life do they want for their kids.

I moved to england 25 years ago and marriend an English man 10 years ago. I knew hed never move to my home country and i was fine with that. But it doesnt mean i dont miss home sometimes. When he made that agreement with you hed probably only been away for a couple of years and he was in his twenties. Its much more different when you get older and start thinking about if your parents are going to need care or that you wont have a relationship with your nephews and nieces.

I say all that to say you're not wrong to not want to live there, but he also isnt wrong to change his mind . If you cant find a compromise then better to let each other go now.

Where does it say he was involved with OP working in Seattle ? OP says ’I did spend 18 months in Seattle for work’. Nothing more.

Leave him

I think if you can spend time considering a move there and what that would look like for you in terms of all areas of your life and wellbeing and you’re sure it’s still a no, then all you can do is be honest about it and it’s down to your fiancé to make his decision. By spending time considering it, you’re putting in effort to show you’re willing to think things through, and if it’s a no he’s not going to be shocked by it. Just prepare yourself for your relationship to end. It’s important for you both to be your authentic selves and if that’s apart then so be it,

Has someone already said LTB?

OP...don't marry him. Find someone else while you are still young and vibrant! 😘

Well no, but nowhere in OPs post does it say what you said: he’s told OP off for not changing hers and said she has to change her opinion whenever he changes his?.

I'm guessing if you are mid twenties you don't want a career break but would rather push on with your career in uk

Say no and remind him that you said this right from the start

If you moved there for a year I think he wouldn’t want to move back, if he wants to desperately get out of London then maybe move to the burbs earlier than ye had planned, that might be a compromise