What do you think of this ultimatum from Fiance?

FWIW, it would give you a good understanding of your husband’s culture. And our national culture and language affects a lot more than you‘d think, from what you consider polite, how you make decisions, plan ahead (or not), how spontaneous you are, how you view and handle money, understand authority and teamwork.

They would be invaluable insights- just because he speaks (presumably) excellent English doesn’t mean he thinks like a Brit.

He's said for a year. Not forever. A compromise would be agreeing to it for a year but being clear it's not what you want forever. A longer term compromise would be spending summers in Oslo and the rest of the year in the UK. I know a few couples who visit the non-UK national's homeland for a whole month in the summer holidays. But OP has made the decision that her only priority is what she wants, which is fine, but not a good set up for marriage.

Norway is not a utopia, it sounds like for Op it will feel like a cage. Its v interesting how everyone is projecting their fantasies onto it.

Fully agree , l don't think this will work

Agree. You need to break up with him, OP. Your marriage would be Resentment Central in no time.

I think you’ve been clear from the beginning that you don’t want to move - that is completely fine, you haven’t moved any goal posts.

If you do want to compromise for a year, 100% go before marriage make it abundantly clear it’s for 1 year only. When there make it clear to all family it’s for 1 year only and tell him you’ll be doing so.

you’ve then done as he asked and if after that he’s not happy then you know you’re done. If he insists on being married first then he’s trying to trap you there. That’s my worry. Certainly don’t fall pregnant over there.

If he doesn’t like that idea you know he’ll never be okay and it’s done anyway.

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable really, you just want different things. He’s changed his mind which isn’t unusual.

"ideally we would ....'
Ideally for you but not for him it seems.
Decision time I think.

You’re not unreasonable to not want to move in as much as you communicated this to him straight away. But your reaction towards Norway is….. odd. You were fine in Seattle but think Norway is some hugely different culture? 🤔 it really isn’t….

Could understand if it was somewhere dangerous, or somewhere with a totally non-western culture, or oppressive laws towards women. But Norway?! I’d love the opportunity to live there.

It’s fine that you don’t want to but I’d say YABU for your attitude towards the country.

I wonder if he is trying to back out of your relationship. He appears to have gone along quite happily with what you wanted but now has changed his mind. You aren't going to want to live in Norway.

Perhaps it would be best for you to part.

What compromise could there be? Between one person who want to live in the UK, near her relations, and one person who wants to live in Norway, near his relations.

Well just because YOU said you'd never consider it doesn't mean HE can't consider it.

Norway is his home.

You can't go into marriage saying, "This is how it's going to be and I'm not compromising on that."

A big part of marriage is doing things that you maybe didn't absolutely want to do but you do because it's what your partner wants. Sometimes, you find that you actually love it. And next time there's something you really want, he will be more likely to make that sacrifice for you.

If you're not ready for that, then let the relationship go.

I don’t think you should marry. Neither of you is prepared to compromise.

Although he’s only asking for a year; you’re refusing even a year.

If the two of you can't compromise enough to agree on where to live, it may be better not to get married. Life will be so difficult.
It's not unreasonable that he wants to spend a year with you in his own country, just as you want to continue living in yours. And it's understandable that you fear he won't leave at the end of the year, but it also sounds as if you don't trust him.
Could you wait a bit before getting married, until you can agree where to spend the next few years?

I think the key thing here is children: You must be heading for 30, if not there already, so were you planning any and if so, would that be quite soon after marriage?

I suspect it's likely that he wants to get you over there long enough to produce Norwegian children that you cannot take back to the UK without his consent. Also once children come along, it will be such a ball-ache to move back, you'll keep putting it off and before you know it, you'll in Norway forever.

If this does not appeal to you, say no and do not move. Be prepapred for this to spell the end of your relationship, though.

I personally would not write off the idea. If you stayed there before, was it in the house of his relative/in a hotel? This would not give you the authentic experience of life in Norway with your own home with your own transport car, which might be less claustrophobic. It would be interesting to know what house prices are like there.

You should also consider work availablity, pension, childcare, healthcare, cost of living, price of flights to UK for visits and visitors. Also family law and how separation and divorce affetc women, particularly non-citizens. On paper it could be a good deal.

Yes! Why hasn't lovely OP's DP suggested that. It's a mystery.

Does it have to be a full year, OP? Could you plan lots of smaller visits to see his family etc over the next few years instead? It’s not like it’s the other side of the world - I’m sure there is a compromise to be had here.

Lolling hard at all the "Norway is a eutopia!"

Who have never been there, or if they have, who don't want to actually live there.

That was before 💖scandanavia💖 was on the cards though

Motherland got it so right with hygge tygge 🤣

Absolutely don't move. He's moving the goal posts and it doesn't bode well

But OP wants to stay close to her family and support network.

I really don't thin there is much compromise here, OP. Your partner wants to live in Norway. You don't. Sometimes "compromise" isn't a good thing.

Thread should be renamed 'How many Mumsnet posters want to move to Oslo?'

Funny for a forum known for 'That doesn't work for me' and 'No is a complete answer'.

Well I said I’d never live north again, was adamant. Here I am Notth east Scotland and loving it ! In fact Norway 🇳🇴 is almost a neighbour 😂 Never say Never, you could be missing out on an experience of a life time .

Thank you for the update but what does that have to do with OPs question

Almost as if it's a personal preference