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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband and football

57 replies

cherrypied · 13/08/2025 16:14

DH has always liked football and watched England and World Cup. And followed along his local team in a very low division and a premiership team.

we have been together 10 years

recently he got back into supporting his team and bought a season ticket for 24 /25. I have no issue with this. He goes to the home matches. But he won’t miss a match AT ALL. everything schedule around it, even holidays and Birthdays. He then goes to al the other matches too that are at home - non league ones. I get its nice to have a hobby and would never ask him not to go but if we get an invite he will turn it down.

Now this year it’s escalated to watching almost every match in tv whatever team. So some weeks there can be 3 football watched on from 7-9 each evening. Plus weekend TV or match.

then there is Saturday - if he is not at a match he is glued to tv.

For an evening match he just puts the TV on and doesn’t ask me and that’s it for 2 hours. Of course I say something non confrontational .

now he started streaming you tube matches onto the TV with a 7pm kick of from very obscure teams. I’m now quite pissed off because if had know I would have gone out.

I have said if he want to watch football to tell me in advance so i can plan to do something. I’m not sure he will though. I often don’t have anything major to watch but I can’t sit in the room with it in it really annoys me (and that is my issue but I am quite tolerant of 1-2 matches a week plus’s attendance at all the home games)

AIBU

YES- YABU football is a nice hobby
NO - YANBU he is too obsessed -it’s not normal level of interest and he is being thoughtless

OP posts:
Original poster
cherrypied · 13/08/2025 19:42

Daisyvodka · 13/08/2025 19:29

I hate to say this really as I think you've been more than understanding, but do you think its possible he has checked out of the relationship as a whole, or subscribes to the school of thought that he doesnt need to put any effort in? How's things between you otherwise? What was he like before, did he plan time together or did he always just kind of go along with what you suggested? What would happen if, for example, your friend had a birthday party you were invited to, is it so bad that he would try and miss it or complain about going, or does he just say 'cant, match on' if you try and make plans at a match time, say suggesting you meet friends for a drink etc?

I think this is probably the case

OP posts:
Original poster
cherrypied · 13/08/2025 19:41

LlynTegid · 13/08/2025 18:59

Going to the home matches, reasonable. The other amount of time is excessive. I wonder why the change of heart too.

Change of heart due to club went into difficulties and was rescued by fan donations and this reignited his passion his dad, brothers, uncle and grandma all have or have had season tickets at some point. Then he bought a season ticket to help save the club.

OP posts:
Daisyvodka · 13/08/2025 19:29

I hate to say this really as I think you've been more than understanding, but do you think its possible he has checked out of the relationship as a whole, or subscribes to the school of thought that he doesnt need to put any effort in? How's things between you otherwise? What was he like before, did he plan time together or did he always just kind of go along with what you suggested? What would happen if, for example, your friend had a birthday party you were invited to, is it so bad that he would try and miss it or complain about going, or does he just say 'cant, match on' if you try and make plans at a match time, say suggesting you meet friends for a drink etc?

Whowhatwhere21 · 13/08/2025 19:28

Is it definitely just all about the football and just wanting to watch? Or is it possible seen as hes now watching absolutely everything and anything, has he started betting on matches?

LlynTegid · 13/08/2025 18:59

Going to the home matches, reasonable. The other amount of time is excessive. I wonder why the change of heart too.

TheTecknician · 13/08/2025 18:32

Having a hobby is all well and good but this man seems to have gone from relatively normal supporting to full-blown obsessive. I wonder if something has triggered that?

Original poster
cherrypied · 13/08/2025 18:16

Boredlass · 13/08/2025 16:52

He sounds like me. Football is important to me. If it was a man saying a woman should stop something that was important to her, there would be fury on here. I suspect it’s just because it’s football though

It’s isn’t like that at all.

He Is hogging the nice room and not telling me in advance his plans so I can go and do something.

I came home last night to spend time with him when I actually wanted to go elsewhere. And he put this random match on you tube. Without telling me. If he told me in advance I could have had a nicer time staying where I was. In the end I went back but it was double to petrol 😖

OP posts:
YetanotherNC25 · 13/08/2025 18:07

I love football and follow the team I’ve supported for decades. I do watch every match I can, although if it’s not possible it’s not the end of the world. Family life comes first and football is a big part of this with my DC. We watch together or text if we’re in different places, have FPL teams and compare scores etc.
But your partner sounds obsessed to the extent it’s interfering with a healthy life or relationship.
You could try talking to him but the football is probably on somewhere! Is this how you want to live?

Lucyccfc68 · 13/08/2025 17:01

My ex-H was like this (see he is now my ex). I love football and we met at a match, but he is obsessed with it.

My DS is the same and if allowed, would hog the TV with football every night, if he wasn’t watching live football. I do like football, but not every night. He has been reminded that this is my house too, so he gets 2 nights a week to watch football in the lounge or he can piss off upstairs to his bedroom to watch it.

Be very careful if you decide to have children. My ex-H thought he could still go out every weekend, mid-week and European games and I would stay at home, like a good little wife and look after his son. He found out very quickly that if you still want to behave like a single bloke, then you can piss off out of my house and live on your own like a single bloke. (We get on so much better, now we are not married).

Rachie1973 · 13/08/2025 16:59

Boredlass · 13/08/2025 16:52

He sounds like me. Football is important to me. If it was a man saying a woman should stop something that was important to her, there would be fury on here. I suspect it’s just because it’s football though

No. My DH is a massive footy fan and I am too to a lesser extent. We can fill most of the weekend with matches quite easily.

when he wasnt watching footy he was fishing. (Too ill now).

it didn’t bother me because any games other than his home team were ‘if you’re not watching anything do you mind if I put it on?’

and events were prioritised over footy.

AgentJohnson · 13/08/2025 16:59

This is no longer a hobby, it’s an obsession that you’re supposed to go along with.

Tell him if he wants a relationship that fits in around the fixtures list, then he’s welcome to find one but you don’t and if this continues, you'll be issuing a red card. Boring twat.

Barney16 · 13/08/2025 16:57

I love football and my DP loves football, we support different teams so there's a lot of TV watching in our house. DP keener than me on other random football but we wouldn't swerve an outing or an activity to watch a game. Your OH sounds quite obsessed tbh.

TomatoSandwiches · 13/08/2025 16:54

All a bit sad really isn't it, not much of a life restricted like that.

Devilsmommy · 13/08/2025 16:54

I am so happy that my husband detests football. I could not live like this at all

Cyclebabble · 13/08/2025 16:52

DH is also a big football fan and occasionally I go with him.I think men tend to really enjoy a day out and DH would say its good for mental health. That being said we do agree limits and what you are describing looks a bit obsessive. DH would prioritise birthdays, weekends away etc. Ok if it were a cup final or play-off match it would be accommodated, but this looks concerning.

Boredlass · 13/08/2025 16:52

He sounds like me. Football is important to me. If it was a man saying a woman should stop something that was important to her, there would be fury on here. I suspect it’s just because it’s football though

mumofoneAloneandwell · 13/08/2025 16:49

Ltb x

Original poster
cherrypied · 13/08/2025 16:49

Yeah it’s quite depressing tbh.

We don't have kids. We just you to hang about or go out. Cook food , make plans and so on! He also did triathlons.

OP posts:
overwork · 13/08/2025 16:48

We’re same as @frozendaisyin this house. I quite like football, and OHs job is in sports so it’s genuinely important to him. But games go in the diary, and if something comes up I’ll try and plan around it, but if it’s not possible, or he’s not put it in the diary, he misses the game. I plan my gym sessions around the evening TV games as one of us needs to be at home with the baby.
As he says, when he was single sport could be his priority.
These days we are, but it doesn’t mean he has to completely give up on his hobby. I really don’t know what to suggest for you as it seems he won’t compromise.

Givenupshopping · 13/08/2025 16:37

My ex was like this, he started off in just the same way, then it got worse and worse until there was always some match he HAD to watch. I used to look forward to the end of the season, but then he started following cricket too!! Surprise, surprise, we went our separate ways, and my now DH has NO interest in sport whatsoever!! It's bliss!!

Lennonjingles · 13/08/2025 16:37

Welcome to my life, DH and 2 adult DS’s, all football mad. DH and DS1 have been Spurs season ticket holders for over 15 years and go to almost all home games along with my brother. I’ve had my own tv and Sky upstairs in my bedroom for many years and go to my bedroom. This is also after 15 years of my DH being a football manager to both my DS’s teams. DH and I are retired so we do spend plenty of time together and I quite enjoy the house to myself when they go to football, as they are usually gone upto 7 hours.

GasPanic · 13/08/2025 16:35

The good news if you are a football fan is that there is a massive increase in the number of premier league matches screened on TV this season. From 128 to 215 on Sky IIRC. Plus of course all the cup games, euro games and the world cup later on this year.

TwinklyFawn · 13/08/2025 16:32

He is far too obsessed. Yes i like football. However i couldn't watch every game on the telly. I have never watched games on youtube either. My mum is totally obsessed so i know how you feel. She won't hear a word against the team she supports.

roseymoira · 13/08/2025 16:31

No sane person could live like this

GreenAndWhiteStripes · 13/08/2025 16:29

That sounds excessive to me.