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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who is being unreasonable?

88 replies

MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 14:21

Person A has a friend who is currently living in a caravan and using a laundrette. Friend is coming to the house in a few weeks to babysit A and B’s children for the night. Person A has said they can use the washing machine while they are here.

Person B is not happy with this as last time they used the washing machine friend had overloaded it quite significant and nearly broken it.

Person A said they have spoken to friend and told them they will show them how to do the washing but don’t think this would be a problem.

Person B thinks Person A does not respect their wishes and thinks as Person B paid for the washing machine that they should be allowed to say that friend can’t use it. Person A thinks it would be awkward to have friend babysit but tell them that they can’t use the washing machine.

Person B said in that case they would rather stay home and not go away for the night.

Person B is quite autistic and is very rigid about things within the home.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
poetryandwine · 13/08/2025 15:07

FionnulaTheCooler · 13/08/2025 15:01

Leave B at home with the kids and take your friend to the party. She can do her washing the next morning.

I like this.

Magenta82 · 13/08/2025 15:07

Person B is being really unreasonable

poetryandwine · 13/08/2025 15:07

MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 14:32

Not really relevant to the post.

Show quote history

Highly relevant.

PolyVagalNerve · 13/08/2025 15:05

Nearly broke the washer ??

aka it wasn’t broke !!

’hey, you dipshit, if you wanna use the washing machine, do not stuff it full to the rafters this time, cos it was a ball ache to sort, better to do a few washes - comprendez ?? Yes ? Great !’

problem solved, stop stressing !

K0OLA1D · 13/08/2025 15:04

B is unreasonable.

B is also happy to stop at home with the DC while A goes to the party. So just rock with that..

FionnulaTheCooler · 13/08/2025 15:01

Leave B at home with the kids and take your friend to the party. She can do her washing the next morning.

Vaxtable · 13/08/2025 14:58

I would still get your fired to come, leave the kids with B and go out with your fiend. B can do friend washing whilst they are watching the kids

Icanttakethisanymore · 13/08/2025 14:58

The machine didn't 'nearly break', they just had to manually drain it, hardly the end of the world.

Given the caravan dwelling friend is presumably doing you a favour, it's pretty mean not to find a way to help them out by doing a couple of supervised loads.

Vaxtable · 13/08/2025 14:57

B

Icanttakethisanymore · 13/08/2025 14:55

outerspacepotato · 13/08/2025 14:52

B's washer, B's rules.

She sounds careless with other people's things. Yes, I get she probably overloaded the machine, but an adult should know better.

Pay the friend the cost of a couple loads. If she's okay schlepping her dirty clothes to yours for free laundry use, she's okay schlepping to the Laundromat. She just wants a free laundry.

Why not A's washer, A's rules?

outerspacepotato · 13/08/2025 14:52

B's washer, B's rules.

She sounds careless with other people's things. Yes, I get she probably overloaded the machine, but an adult should know better.

Pay the friend the cost of a couple loads. If she's okay schlepping her dirty clothes to yours for free laundry use, she's okay schlepping to the Laundromat. She just wants a free laundry.

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 13/08/2025 14:49

I'm a bit done with all this A&B. I can't work out what's going on. It's like the washing machine sequel of Twelve Monkeys.

BauhausOfEliott · 13/08/2025 14:48

MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 14:45

This has already been proposed but B has just flat out said no.

Show quote history

Why does B, who I assume is your partner, get to dictate to you like this?

He's being a total prick and the whole 'I paid for the washing machine so I can tell you who's allowed to use it' thing is really controlling. And no, this isn't excused by his autism.

Motomum23 · 13/08/2025 14:47

Surely you can just say to your friend hubby is being a twat about tje washing machine so I'll 'oversee' you loading it up to make sure it doesn't get overfilled again and then it'll be finished by the time we are home. You aren't going for a week away so she'll only have time to do 1 wash.... and tbh I have overloaded my machine loads of times the only thing that happened is nothing cleaned well so I actually think the not-draining thing is a fault on your machine and not your friends fault

Original poster
MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 14:45

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 13/08/2025 14:44

This. Babysitter arrives a bit earlier so A and/or B can supervise use of machine and all is ok before they leave.

Show quote history

This has already been proposed but B has just flat out said no.

OP posts:
ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 13/08/2025 14:45

So these children are A & B's shared children? I mean, I might just get A to lay out the laundry piles before leaving for the night. Surely it's best just to chalk it up as a mistake?

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 13/08/2025 14:44

redskydelight · 13/08/2025 14:37

Compromise that Person A supervises while they put the wash on and checks that all is ok?

I can see both sides. I agree it would be horrendously mean to not let them use the washing machine if they are babysitting. However, they did bring this on themself by breaking the machine last time, so I also see B's point of view.

This. Babysitter arrives a bit earlier so A and/or B can supervise use of machine and all is ok before they leave.

user382472047 · 13/08/2025 14:43

Sounds like she was desparate to use the machine and overloaded it to rush the process instead of doing 2 manageable loads. I would help her, how shit must it be to live in a van?

Shoxfordian · 13/08/2025 14:42

Person A should stay home, they're being unreasonable now

Ponderingwindow · 13/08/2025 14:41

Truly, if you can’t trust the sitter to do a wash, you shouldn’t trust them with the children.

spend 2 minutes showing the sitter the correct volume of clothing for your washer.

Shoxfordian · 13/08/2025 14:41

Person B isn't wrong, especially if they're the one that has to fix it if the friend breaks it again. Agree that if they can't be trusted with washing machine then can't be trusted with kids

Original poster
MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 14:40

Person A has told Person B that’s fine, they can stay home with the children and Person A will go to the party without them.

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 13/08/2025 14:39

Person B should not let this friend watch his/her children if they don't trust said friend to use the washing machine !

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 13/08/2025 14:37

Can't work out how to vote as I think you're person A but not sure? Anyway I see both sides, B obviously feels strongly enough to give up on the night out - I think you can't accept the babysitting but not allow the washing machine use so it would have to mean no night out. That would be awkward to tell the friend though so you'd have to lie! B sounds absolutely not my kind of person but I don't know the friend - if they are genuinely quite careless and destructive then maybe B has a point.

redskydelight · 13/08/2025 14:37

Compromise that Person A supervises while they put the wash on and checks that all is ok?

I can see both sides. I agree it would be horrendously mean to not let them use the washing machine if they are babysitting. However, they did bring this on themself by breaking the machine last time, so I also see B's point of view.