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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who is being unreasonable?

88 replies

MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 14:21

Person A has a friend who is currently living in a caravan and using a laundrette. Friend is coming to the house in a few weeks to babysit A and B’s children for the night. Person A has said they can use the washing machine while they are here.

Person B is not happy with this as last time they used the washing machine friend had overloaded it quite significant and nearly broken it.

Person A said they have spoken to friend and told them they will show them how to do the washing but don’t think this would be a problem.

Person B thinks Person A does not respect their wishes and thinks as Person B paid for the washing machine that they should be allowed to say that friend can’t use it. Person A thinks it would be awkward to have friend babysit but tell them that they can’t use the washing machine.

Person B said in that case they would rather stay home and not go away for the night.

Person B is quite autistic and is very rigid about things within the home.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Tiswa · 13/08/2025 18:21

How do you know it was 4 loads. I mean you can only shove a certain amount in and even then it normally doesn’t cause it to need to be drained (and I am one for trying to shove too much washing in!)

Pineapplewaves · 13/08/2025 18:10

Launderette washing machines are much bigger than domestic machines, they are also heavy duty as they are used multiple times a day, everyday. I can see how it would have been easy for your friend to overload your machine.

Is your friend aware that they broke the machine and your partner had to fix it? Were they apologetic and genuinely sorry for their mistake? If yes - I think you should trust them to be more careful next time. Perhaps you could fill the machine with the first load and show them how much room to leave (I was told to always leave 1/3 empty to allow the clothes to move, so the dirt gets bashed out).

I can see your partners point of view, mine would be the same, he wouldn’t refuse to go to the party, just ban friend from using the machine. If you give friend a second chance you need to be sure they won’t make the same mistake again.

IsItSnowing · 13/08/2025 18:06

I can't imagine trusting someone to look after my children who I didn't trust to look after my washing machine but you do you.
If it was me and I had a friend living in a van who struggled to get washing done, I'd offer them to come round and do it weekly. That way they'd have smaller loads and wouldn't pose a problem.
On the other hand, I regularly 'overload' my own washing machine and it's been going strong for 10 years.

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 13/08/2025 17:55

Tiswa · 13/08/2025 17:04

Actually he is saying YOUR opinion doesn’t matter, you didn’t buy the washing machine so you have no say and having made a fuss and said he wouldn’t go now he is actually regretting it and trying to get you to back down

and she didn’t break it she overloaded it so it needed draining

Show quote history

Well it was B that had to fix it and then do 4 loads of the friends washing. Why? Why didn't you fix it and your friend do their own washing.
I do always find these posts confusing.
'How DARE he be so controlling and say its his decision!! Tell him how out of order that is, and it's YOUR decision that's happening and what YOU want!!'

PestoHoliday · 13/08/2025 17:26

Take your friend to the party and leave your sulky husband to spend time with his washing machine

SnackAckerTack · 13/08/2025 17:07

MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 14:36

Basically it was so overloaded it couldn’t drain properly so B had to drain it and then did the washing in 4 separate loads.

So they tried to put in 4 loads in 1?

SnackAckerTack · 13/08/2025 17:06

MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 14:32

Not really relevant to the post.

Show quote history

Er yeah it is

Tiswa · 13/08/2025 17:04

MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 15:54

He’s now doing the whole “it’s fine, let her come over. My opinions don’t matter anyway. I’m not allowed to have them blah blah blah”

Actually he is saying YOUR opinion doesn’t matter, you didn’t buy the washing machine so you have no say and having made a fuss and said he wouldn’t go now he is actually regretting it and trying to get you to back down

and she didn’t break it she overloaded it so it needed draining

nomas · 13/08/2025 16:08

MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 15:34

I’ve spoken to my friend and she was very apologetic. My husband is very rigid with these sorts of things and we’ve been arguing all day about it. He’s now not going to the party so I guess it’s all over nothing anyway. Oh well. Haven’t been out just the two of us since our son was born 4 years ago.

I’m with your husband. My uncle broke my mum’s machine by overloading it and now my mum is so anxious about the new machine not being overloaded.

Could you drop your friend to the launderette as a compromise and pay for a load?

Zempy · 13/08/2025 16:03

MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 15:54

He’s now doing the whole “it’s fine, let her come over. My opinions don’t matter anyway. I’m not allowed to have them blah blah blah”

“Cool. She’s on her way.”

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 13/08/2025 15:55

He's running the whole gamut of tactics to get his own way then? Sounds exhausting

Original poster
MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 15:54

He’s now doing the whole “it’s fine, let her come over. My opinions don’t matter anyway. I’m not allowed to have them blah blah blah”

OP posts:
ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 13/08/2025 15:44

Or ask A to come around and do the washing, and then go to the party with A, leaving B surrounded by drying washing.

Zempy · 13/08/2025 15:42

MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 15:34

I’ve spoken to my friend and she was very apologetic. My husband is very rigid with these sorts of things and we’ve been arguing all day about it. He’s now not going to the party so I guess it’s all over nothing anyway. Oh well. Haven’t been out just the two of us since our son was born 4 years ago.

I am a petty bitch. I would tell friend to come round earlier to do their washing anyway. Then go to the party without DH.

Does he think he’s your boss?

Zempy · 13/08/2025 15:39

B is being mean.

Skybluepinky · 13/08/2025 15:37

Leave person B at home and go away without them.

Original poster
MidoriNoRingo · 13/08/2025 15:34

I’ve spoken to my friend and she was very apologetic. My husband is very rigid with these sorts of things and we’ve been arguing all day about it. He’s now not going to the party so I guess it’s all over nothing anyway. Oh well. Haven’t been out just the two of us since our son was born 4 years ago.

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 13/08/2025 15:29

Funny how everyone’s assuming the op is A, I actually thought they might be B!

I think B is being too rigid given the friend is doing a favour by babysitting. I’m guessing they overloaded it last time as they were worried about getting it all done. I also struggle to believe they squashed it so full it was actually 4 loads (as you stated later B split it into 4 loads to wash) so I think B is being rather precious (anal) over the washer to make a point. Either that or they know the machine has an issue so they need to under load it to keep it running.

The kind thing is to let your friend do their laundry as it must be tough living out of a caravan.

PurpleThistle7 · 13/08/2025 15:20

I guess it depends on if the person knows they actually messed up or if they have no idea about all this drama.

But if the first person wants there to be a change the obvious solution is that they talk to their friend and they fix any issues after if something happens. Leaving the decision to one person and the fallout to the other isn't ideal.

Starlight1984 · 13/08/2025 15:20

CurlewKate · 13/08/2025 15:09

You can’t “ almost break” something. But you can’t be “quite autistic” either, so there’s that….

😆

Also what's with "person A" and "person B"?! The tone and description kind of gives away who is who 😂

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 13/08/2025 15:13

Inertia · 13/08/2025 15:10

I would struggle to leave my children in the care of someone who is so incapable of loading a washing machine that an intervention is required. Doesn’t bode well for their general level of common sense/ consequences.

This.
Does friend know the damage they caused and are apologetic?
Is the caravan for ever?
Are dc happy with friend looking after them?

Inertia · 13/08/2025 15:10

I would struggle to leave my children in the care of someone who is so incapable of loading a washing machine that an intervention is required. Doesn’t bode well for their general level of common sense/ consequences.

Tiswa · 13/08/2025 15:09

B made the point they had paid for it - so different to our money and children

CurlewKate · 13/08/2025 15:09

You can’t “ almost break” something. But you can’t be “quite autistic” either, so there’s that….

poetryandwine · 13/08/2025 15:09

outerspacepotato · 13/08/2025 14:52

B's washer, B's rules.

She sounds careless with other people's things. Yes, I get she probably overloaded the machine, but an adult should know better.

Pay the friend the cost of a couple loads. If she's okay schlepping her dirty clothes to yours for free laundry use, she's okay schlepping to the Laundromat. She just wants a free laundry.

A small price to pay compared to the cost of a bsbysitter