To think DS massively overreacted calling the police?

Yep - all this. Absolutely weird AF. The idea you’re thinking his behaviour is in any way justified is worrying. Someone needs to have a chat with him to be sure he understands why your DH said no and why lying about being held against his will is wrong. Is he able to see the situation from your POV? - does he have much empathy/emotional intelligence?

If he’s usually sensible and no learning difficulties I’d be very concerned that he was having a mental health crisis of some sort.

If course he over reacted, what did he think the crime was? He was held because he wasn't allowed the car? What made him think he'd be able to drive the car?

There clearly something badly wrong, both for him to asked to use the car with any expectation that it may have been granted and for calling the police. I think it probably does go beyond 'just" bad behaviour.

Fwiw I wouldn't have taken a 17yo's phone. As you've learned, it's pretty pointless anyway, there's nothing he uses the phone for he can't use the laptop for.

I’d be really concerned about him thinking he can drive and no licence uninsured. Does he understand the potential criminal implications of this and the implications if he injured or killed somebody.

Was waiting for the mental health ADHD card to be played lol

Police did explain about wasting their time, they were very clear, but I don’t think it’s sunk in yet.

It would be great if they did a follow up letter to him explaining how his stupid actions could have had a impact - and did as they are so stretched in sorting out real problems

I've written a very different reply but I totally agree with this. It's such an insane set of decisions.

Can we get a sense of how out of character it is, OP? Because it's hard to judge 'absolute pisstakerness' without knowing how unusual this is.

I actually cannot even fathom what my own parents would have done if I’d done this. It just wouldn’t have even crossed my mind, but holy shit even if it did, there is no way I would have dared.

this is actually quite serious @YellowBall72 and I think he needs a good talking to.

This post how to tell the world your so has spoilt brat syndrome and it not his fault I surprised your not saying o he such a sweetheart all the time

Your son wanted to commit a crime, and when he couldn’t committed a different crime instead.

How are you doubting whether this was an overreaction on his part?

I'd be worried sick. So many of these posts are utterly unhelpful, he is a prick, entitled brat etc. It doesn't matter, he is still OPs son and she has to deal with this situation. It's very immature for 17, also asking for the car is very immature too, he is old enough to understand about licences and insurance. Something is definitely going on under the surface. He also knows that the police, if they show up, will immediately see he is bullshitting and nothing will be done only to upset his parents. So it seems this is all a ruse to get attention. This is a cry for help if I ever heard one. I hope he is OK OP

Id be more concerned that he'd asked to borrow the car, seriously poor judgment to contemplate getting in a car illegally and dangerously.

Something is very wrong. Much younger children would know that calling the police was wrong and definitely would know that there's no way someone without a driving license can drive a car legally. It's such a weird set of decisions that unless your 17 year old is this naive in normal life, I'd be wondering if they were ill. UTIs don't just send older people slightly mad- can change behaviour in youngsters too.

Why haven’t you gone in and laid the law down to your son about his behaviour and the consequences of this???!! Entitled little sod thinks he can get away with what he likes and due to your behaviour and parenting - or clearly lack of! - this will just carry on like this and get worse unless you put your foot down now and give him severe consequences and tell him if he does this again and even thinks about trying to drive a car when he doesn’t have a licence then YOU will be the one to call the police on him
next time and they won’t just tell him off!!

This isn’t a ‘daft family row’ though, is it? Nobody fell out about who ate someone’s snacks. Your son thought it was ok to try to drive without a license or insurance, thought it was okay to accuse you of false imprisonment, thought it was ok to lie and waste police time and everyone else’s tax money pretending to be kept against his will, and you’re on here minimising it all enough to ask if you are being unreasonable? Well, yes, you are, because your son is an entitled so and so who could kill someone because he can’t drive and lies to police about you and somehow you’re glossing over this completely.

This is such an extreme reaction from your son. Does he normally act like a tantruming toddler?

I think he needs to grow up! Tell him to go and get a job and save up for driving lessons!

This is weird af.

He doesn't drive but he wanted to take the car so badly he resorted to locking himself away and calling the cops after you guys said no. He tried to get the two of you into criminal trouble because he didn't get his way. That's wild.

Is he acting high? I'd be checking for drug use.

You're going to have to lock up your car keys. Change your router password and start rotating it.

Time for him to be looking for a part time job unless this is mental health issues.

I'd be thinking high, some social media stunt, plain asshole, or mental health break.

Do not give him driving lessons at present. He doesn't sound safe if he's being so wildly retaliatory.

I think calling it an overreaction is an underreaction. Your son sounds immature for seventeen. He should know that he won't be allowed to drive without a license and that calling the police on the basis of a lie (that he was 'vulnerable' and being held against his will) is serious. Does he not care that he could have caused you and your DH big trouble over nothing? I'd be spelling things out very clearly to him. If he wants to continue living in your home, he has to show some respect. And it's time he starts growing up and taking responsibility for himself. For example, if he wants to be able to drive, he needs to get his license.

I've known him all my life. We left skool in 1979 so we are old.

He turned into an amazing man. I don't know if he has ever stolen anything further. I doubt it.

In OP's shoes, I might be tempted to mock up a letter from the police stating that they are pressing charges for wasting police time just to put the fear of God up him. He sounds like an entitled brat.

Spolied Entitled Brat !!!

> AIBU to think DS completely overreacted or should I be worried he felt this was the right course of action?

YANBU @YellowBall72 - i feel you’re absolutely right in thinking that DS completely overreacted.

However, that being said, since you said it’s out of character, and since your DH telling him to pack it in and confiscating his phone caused the situation to escalate to such a surprising extent, would it be worth trying a different tack (good cop/bad cop?) and approaching your DS with extreme kindness (much more than you actually probably feel at this moment in time 😆) and asking if he’s okay etc?

Just spitballing ideas - Is there a chance DS is very stressed about something else? Could a friend be in trouble and he was trying to help him by coming to rescue in the car? I dunno - just feel it might be worth exploring if you can. The very best of luck with it - keep us posted 😍

I suspect you don't have a 17 year old who thinks it's ok to borrow a car with no licence or insurance, and who kicked off after being told no?!?

Damn right my teen would be losing their phone if I'm paying the bill. And I'd have turned off the wifi so he couldn't play on his computer/games as well.

Maybe he isn't happy a man not his df is handing out punishments?

I’ve not read the full thread so apologies if this has already been pointed out, but before we run to mental health issues some might recall the thread the other day started by a grown woman asking whether it was really essential to put her learner driver DD on her car insurance after having already taken her out to practise uninsured. That’s a grown woman and parent, not a 17 year old lad.

He might be taking something he shouldn’t be or he might just be very ignorant of driving requirements. But he’s clearly not the only one.

As a mum to DSs 25 and 17 I would advise giving him a good bollocking about poor behaviour and total disrespect of police time - snd a reminder that he will shortly be an adult and needs to grow up. And ask him directly whether he’s taken something given the stupidity of his behaviour.