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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DS massively overreacted calling the police?

243 replies

YellowBall72 · 13/08/2025 13:04

Yesterday afternoon DS (17) asked if he could borrow DH’s car to nip to the shops. He doesn’t drive, has no licence, and isn’t insured so DH obviously said no. Cue DS stomping about, muttering under his breath, slamming cupboard doors.

DH told him to pack it in and when he started swearing, took his phone off him and said he’d get it back later when he calmed down.

Next thing, DS has locked himself in his room. I assumed he was just sulking but turns out he was on his laptop calling the police. Ten minutes later there’s a knock at the door and two officers are stood there saying they’ve had a call from “a vulnerable young person” saying he was being held against his will.

They came in, had a chat with DS, realised it was a daft family row, and told him wasting police time is serious. They left soon after but now DS is acting like he’s somehow in the right and DH is fuming.

I’m embarrassed the neighbours probably saw and think we’re some sort of nightmare family. AIBU to think DS completely overreacted or should I be worried he felt this was the right course of action?

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 13/08/2025 18:59

Had similar with DS when he was 15. He decided to call the police "on me" and was smugly saying "Oh well the police are on their way so we will see what they say!" I think they’ve had years of ‘children have rights, you can do what you like and nobody can touch you’ and they’ve interpreted this as nobody can stop them or restrict them in any way, rather than a copper can’t give them a clip round the ear anymore.

Completely agree.

I am actually glad that he did call the police because I dread to think how bad he would have got without that intervention. He is now 20 and at uni and a nice guy! Calls me regularly just for a chat, that kind of thing. So it was a good thing in the long run even if I didnt think it at the time.

RhododendronFlowers · 13/08/2025 18:52

@TooTedious your last paragraph is spot on.

TooTedious · 13/08/2025 18:48

What a twat. If he doesn’t want to be treated like a child then he should stop acting like one. In what universe would a sane and normal adult let someone with no licence and no insurance take their car out for a trip to the shops?

I know you’re keeping a close eye on your car keys, but I’d also make it very clear that if he does get hold of them and decide to take himself for a drive, you have no intention of getting into trouble for pretending that you gave him permission to drive your car without insurance, so he’ll be spending a good few hours in a police cell while they do the paperwork to charge him for Twoc, and that’s the best possible outcome he can expect.

Had similar with DS when he was 15. He decided to call the police "on me" and was smugly saying "Oh well the police are on their way so we will see what they say!" I think they’ve had years of ‘children have rights, you can do what you like and nobody can touch you’ and they’ve interpreted this as nobody can stop them or restrict them in any way, rather than a copper can’t give them a clip round the ear anymore.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/08/2025 18:46

Had similar with DS when he was 15. He decided to call the police "on me" and was smugly saying "Oh well the police are on their way so we will see what they say!"

What they said was a weapons grade bollocking, SS were informed and he ended up having to have weekly meetings with a social worker and Senior staff at school. He was fucking fuming. I said very little, I didnt need to, he knew full well he had brought it on himself. His behaviour did improve from then on.

I wonder if your DS knows that he massively fucked up but is doubling down as he doesnt want to admit it.

Laura95167 · 13/08/2025 18:44

If he does it again he risks a caution for wasting police time so its lucky its only embarrassment

CrispySquid · 13/08/2025 18:32

BusyMum47 · 13/08/2025 18:09

Jesus, if my 17yr old son had done that, he'd need to be calling an Ambulance as well as the Police because I would f*ing kill him!!

I hope the Police ripped him a new one!!

This. I would be incandescent. Absolutely furious most likely to the point of me ending up on the evening news as an outlaw. I would find it very difficult to have my son continue living under my roof after that unless some serious changes were made immediately.

Your son’s behaviour was really very bizzare. Both incidents (the car wanting and the police calling) are so outside the norm of even what the most disobedient/challenging teenager would do or consider. Demanding to drive the car without a license, supervision or insurance and then calling the police on you and your partner is incredibly unhinged, almost psychopathic. Add to that that you say he seems to have no remorse, shame or self-reflection about the incident.

In the best case scenario, your son is a complete imbecile.

MeridianB · 13/08/2025 18:32

EvelynBeatrice · 13/08/2025 16:58

Google ‘Ally McCoist and stepson and car” and get him to read the press articles. This might bring home to him -even if the police didn’t - the implications of driving the car.

Wow. I don’t want to derail but just wow. Just read the details. What an absolute scumbag.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/08/2025 18:23

Campingisnexttogodliness · 13/08/2025 13:56

Maybe he isn't happy a man not his df is handing out punishments?

Just as it well it was a man not his father taking his mobile off him indoors and not a judge (male or female) handing out a consequence as a result of him killing a family after taking the car, wasn't it?

purplecorkheart · 13/08/2025 18:19

I am not in the UK but I am wondering about county lines etc? DP wouldn't give him car keys, reaction to his phone been taken. I know he called the Police but maybe he thought that this would make him appear as a victim of an abusive home and make your dh and you afraid to question behavior or where he goes etc.

the5thgoldengirl · 13/08/2025 18:15

This reply has been withdrawn

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the5thgoldengirl · 13/08/2025 18:12

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BusyMum47 · 13/08/2025 18:09

Jesus, if my 17yr old son had done that, he'd need to be calling an Ambulance as well as the Police because I would f*ing kill him!!

I hope the Police ripped him a new one!!

Swiftie1878 · 13/08/2025 18:02

YellowBall72 · 13/08/2025 15:13

Yes, I told the police exactly what happened - that it all started because he wanted to take the car when he has no licence, no insurance, and can’t drive. They told him straight it was illegal and dangerous, but he just sort of rolled his eyes.

I was in the kitchen when he first asked DH and heard most of it. DH stayed fairly calm at first but when DS started getting cheeky and swearing, that’s when the phone got taken away. It wasn’t some big aggressive scene, more of a “you’ve lost this for now” moment.

It’s completely out of character for him to do something like this. He’s been a pain in the backside over the summer - sleeping in, moaning when asked to do anything, but I thought that was standard teenage stuff. We’ve never had to keep the car keys hidden before, but clearly that’s changed.

And for the record, I do pay his phone bill. I think he was trying to make a point about “being treated like a child” but ended up making himself look ridiculous. I’ve told him this isn’t just “teenage overreacting” - wasting police time is serious.

You need to have a proper talk with him.
Something appears to be going on with him.

BreatheAndFocus · 13/08/2025 17:59

I reckon someone asked him to get the car or he’d been showing off online about having a car, and then tried to get your DH’s car so he didn’t show himself up as a liar. That compulsion to maintain a pretence might explain his ignoring the fact he didn’t have a licence, etc.

I think you need to find out why he asked for the car. I’d also point out to him that he wasted police time and they’ll have his name now so will be watching out for any attempt to drive illegal or ride with illegal drivers.

Watch him at night too. A friend’s son was sneaking out and meeting up with older teens who raced around roads in the early hours of the morning as some kind of dare. None of them had insurance.

Bababear987 · 13/08/2025 17:42

redskydelight · 13/08/2025 13:10

I'd be questioning why

  1. your child thought he should drive a car when he doesn't have a license and can't drive and
  2. why his response to being asked to calm down was to call the police

Neither of these are normal behaviour. What else is going on?

Agree this is not normal behaviour at all, is there some additional needs OP? Either that or your son is an absolute pillock

DodoTired · 13/08/2025 17:40

You definitely should be worried that you son thinks that driving without a license is ok and then calling the police and lying to them is ok.
WTF??

Teuchterlass · 13/08/2025 17:30

I would place a bet this wouldn’t have been his first time driving a car. Someone has let him drive their car. I’d want to know who it was.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 13/08/2025 17:25

What did your ds want the car for, yes I know for the shops but what was he going to the shops for?

I’m sorry OP but this has red flags all over it, the immaturity is off the scale as is his critical thinking rational.

itsgettingweird · 13/08/2025 17:25

Having thought some more I’m wondering if he has got himself into some trouble. He needed the car to run an errand and he’s being contacted via his phone?

You need to get to the bottom of this as it’s totally bizarre behaviour and of course it’s not ok.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 13/08/2025 17:25

What did your ds want the car for, yes I know for the shops but what was he going to the shops for?

I’m sorry OP but this has red flags all over it, the immaturity is off the scale as is his critical thinking rational.

Umbilicat · 13/08/2025 17:12

Would your husband take your phone away to control you? DS is practically an adult.

Yeah, but he's NOT an adult and I highly doubt that a) OP would get angry with her dh when he told her that no, he'd not allow her to break the law and endanger lives and b) OP's dh pays her phone bills.

TimeForATerf · 13/08/2025 17:11

I haven’t read every reply so it may have been mentioned up thread, but the first question in my head is, he’s 17, with no licence (provisional or otherwise?) how the fuck does he know how to drive?

Does he live on a farm and he’s been driving tractors and quads on private land, in which case, fair.

Has he been taken off roading for a few years previously, also fair.

Or does he move in some really dodgy circles and drives round car parks late at night with older people?

I am genuinely bemused. Did the OP mean no FULL licence, but she said he “doesn’t drive”.

kim204 · 13/08/2025 17:08

It sounds like this was not normal behaviour OP so I'd be concerned about what's behind it.

Do you think he was really so desperate to go to the shops? What did he say he wanted to get? Do you think he might have actually have been planning to go somewhere else?

Everyone here is about punish, punish, punish. It's ridiculous, even taking his phone away is treating him like a child. It's just all very odd to me. Would your husband take your phone away to control you? DS is practically an adult. Punishing him like an 8 year old is really problematic to me. This needs discussing. Why is he so upset that he can't go to the shop?

My concern would be that he wasn't really so desperate to go to the shop and there's more to it. If not then surely this could easily have been deescalated? Couldn't someone have just taken him a bit later if not right then? I really don't understand how this spiralled to this extent.

AgnesX · 13/08/2025 17:06

Given that there doesn't appear to be any backstory did he do it for a bet?

He sounds incredibly stupid tbh.

Frogs88 · 13/08/2025 17:06

HerecomesMargo · 13/08/2025 16:15

I wholeheartedly agree with you. I’m sick of this being the first thing peddled out. No wonder people are so vile today because there is every excuse made for them.

this was a petulant brat who didn’t get his way. I wouldn’t be sitting and dithering about mental health, I would be thinking of severe consequences for this.

MH 🙄, no doubt caused by Covid and let’s throw in Anxiety too. Has anyone suggested he might have SN too?

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Well surely if he was just generally entitled or extremely stupid then this sort of behaviour would not be unusual to OP. His behaviour was bizarre and not something normal teens do. It seems disconnected from reality for him to think it’s acceptable. So that’s probably why people are suggesting a MH problem as they often start in teen years.

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