Have I got it wrong or SIL

You sound uptight.

When on holiday it’s perfectly normal and reasonable to have children napping at different times or on the go and bedtime routine being pushed etc.

It sounds like you were being awkward whilst visiting them and wanting plans set in stone around you and your routine.

No, a compromise is fine, but that should be requested without the comments about how OP should parent differently.

We weren’t rigid over routines, but neither would I have had my DCs out in a buggy at 1am. Not a chance.

My mum had many horses so we had to fit in to her life, and we did!

Listen, every thing about routine aside

Some kids, are just more petite. My youngest daughter is little. They wanted me to stop breast feeding her, did at 8 and a half months. Formula didn't fatten her up, daily high energy prescribed milk and a fortified weaning diet, didn't fatten her up. She's just shy of 14 months, she can toddle, she's fast, can climb anything, has boundless energy. She's just small. Her Dad is 5ft7 and was the same. Still weighed 9 stone at 18, played every sport going to a decent level. Could have easily played cricket for the county if he had wanted, ran cross country. So much of weight and height is genetics. They had me scared to death she was failing to thrive etc...
She's fine, beautiful, a whirlwind
I swear I'm gonna get a sign saying she's 1, just small
People's faces when she's clamboring off at soft play, the farm etc. I'm always in reach, she's fine
There are so many bigger kids now, it stands out more. They'll know he's small
They won't need guilting over it
It gets really fucking boring tbh. Don't give him a complex. They were out of whack, they had visitors. They know their kid. A biscuit won't kill him

I think you’re being unreasonable in terms of being so inflexible with routines, but not so much with the food issues. I really don’t see the need for little children to have rigid routines any more than for adults, and I don’t think it should be necessary to make massive changes to your lifestyle when you have children.

Routines only matter if you think they matter. Kids don't need routine (although I agree they can make parents' lives easier). The food thing is definitely not good though, nobody can thrive eating rubbish.

You haven’t said where they live. Italy & Spain have a different culture and babes in arms are often out with their parents late in the evening and into the wee hours as that is when it is cooler and they eat much later.
Our experiences with family staying with us and their fixed routines were a bloody misery for all of us and the toddler wouldn’t nap anyway for FOMO so it was a lose lose situation for everyone. Chill out. No one will die.

To answer your actual question, probably neither is wrong. As long as it works for you , the kids and your families, you do you , with some compromise when you are together.

You obviously want us to draw the conclusion that her sub par parenting caused her son to be underweight and short for his age. Otherwise why mention it?

But that’s you dealing with the consequences of the routines you’ve created for your children, presumably because when you’re not staying with someone who does things differently, it suits you.

If, for example, your children were accustomed to napping in a pushchair when out, and eating when hungry rather than at set times, you would be finding a ‘holiday’ situation like the one you’re in much easier.

It’s swings and roundabouts. We do things because they suit us.

That be I kind of think she is right with BUT you were doing it all solo

No, a compromise is fine, but that should be requested without the comments about how OP should parent differently.

We weren’t rigid over routines, but neither would I have had my DCs out in a buggy at 1am. Not a chance.

I agree with the first post that says you’re both at the extremes of a spectrum.
Your SIL sounds as if her children could potentially do with a little bit more of a routine but you sound as if you need to lighten up a bit with your routines.
Like has been said, most people fall somewhere in the middle.

I'd find it really difficult to have guests who were rigid about following a restrictive routine. It's polite to adapt to your hosts.

It’s a good job for your SIL that I’m not her SIL. I didn’t take kindly to suggestions that I was parenting wrong and should do it their way. You need to shut her comments down firmly but with a smile - something along the lines of ‘that doesn’t work for our DC. We all know our own DC best, don’t we?’

It’s a good job for your SIL that I’m not her SIL. I didn’t take kindly to suggestions that I was parenting wrong and should do it their way. You need to shut her comments down firmly but with a smile - something along the lines of ‘that doesn’t work for our DC. We all know our own DC best, don’t we?’

Well, she’s probably finding it restrictive to have a longterm houseguest who’s rigid about having to arrange outings etc around rigid naptimes and bedtimes.

They don’t necessarily, you know. You’ve chosen to change your life, and hence you’ve produced children who are used to routine. For various complex reasons, life was very varied for DS’s first couple of years of life, so he absolutely didn’t get a routine, he napped around whatever else was going on, whether that was in a boardroom in a carrier attached to one of us, or among the coats at a party. Food we never compromised on.

You’re just looking for people to agree that your SIL is a neglectful parent.

Nailed it…. Keep your nose out of other peoples parenting style…

You clearly just have different approaches. I actually think having too rigid a routine can make life harder in the long run. It's good to have a bit of flexibility, though I think they've perhaps gone too far the other way.

Also, kindly, you're not just a mum, you are still a person in your own right. Don't let being a mum fully dominate your life. It's not healthy for you and it's certainly not healthy for your child.

Some thrive on routine, some don't. It's not a one size fits all kind of deal.

How about this.
You parent your DC your way.
Your SIL can parent her DC her way.