To not remind my husband it's my birthday?

Without trying to be rude, I think it is pretty melodramatic to use the words "give each other grace when one of us stumbles the other helps minimise the damage". It's just forgetting a birthday, not any sort of a betrayal. I mean, you're basically right, but it's giving the whole thing too much importance imo to put it like this.

However, you are right on the money with this "But how will not mentioning it improve anything? You're still just as hurt and also there's nothing planned for your birthday. Is the bitter satisfaction of not helping him out here really worth that?"

She's hoping to confront him with it and play the martyr for some reason, instead of just mentioning it a week ago. Not a good dynamic in their relationship, at all.

Why on earth not?

I’d not remind him, I’m not his mum and if I were he’d be planning a lovely celebration. But I’d have something planned just for me this weekend for my birthday and he’s not invited.

Exactly. I think society does condition women into normalising lack of consideration in men. To the extent many women are expected to be the ones organising presents for their husbands side of the family.

I’d just watch it play out and if he does forget (hope he doesn’t forget !) I’d wait until after his mums party and then have a heart to heart with him about how this makes you feel and how it’s important to you that he does remember your birthday.

It doesn’t need to be a mud slinging or heated kind of discussion- it may even bring you closer once he realises how you feel. And hopefully he will do better from now on.

Whatever happens - please do try and have a happy birthday - and update us! :D

I would nonchalantly remind him, and I would want my DH to remind me if he thought I might have forgotten his birthday or any other special occasion. We've chosen to be partners - we work hard to be loving and considerate towards each other, but we also give each other grace and when one of us stumbles the other helps minimize the damage rather than standing by waiting for the other to fail and taking the opportunity to be as angry and hurt as possible.

You don't have to "remind him" in some pointed fashion, just mention your birthday. Yes, it will be hurtful if you mention it and see a panicked look on his face or if the day comes and you can tell he had to scramble last minute. But how will not mentioning it improve anything? You're still just as hurt and also there's nothing planned for your birthday. Is the bitter satisfaction of not helping him out here really worth that?

I doubt he'd care anyway, he'd probably be relieved if he's not a birthday person.

If you want people, anyone at all, to make a fuss of your birthday you must remind them one week before. Yep, sorry, that's how it goes.

Many people, for example me, give zero shits about birthdays and honestly just forget about them. The only birthdays I could never forget are my kids because I was the one who gave birth to them and those days are firmly etched in stone. When the kids were young I had a list of birthdays of other family members, including their dad, typed up and stuck on the inside of the pantry door because I genuinely never remembered anyone's but theirs. I also give zero shits if someone forgets my birthday, and the week before it will generally send out a reminder if I want to do something, let's go for lunch for my birthday, let's do a movie - or something similar.

Fortunately, nobody plays stupid games or acts as though this is some terrible thing, we all just remind one another of birthdays coming up.

The fact is if you have not mentioned this at all in the run up it has been deliberate, you are trying to trick him and catch him out, because you are hoping to play a martyr game, play the victim card and make him feel bad. Weird behaviour and not a healthy dynamic at all.

Just remind people a week before your birthday if it matters to you. If they THEN go ahead and forget you have reason to be upset.

Happy birthday !

is it today?

Happy Birthday for tomorrow! Make your own plans and enjoy your day. Buy yourself a present.

ok sure but my main point was about now.

I find it odd that he could forget (this year) when he has a birthday event he’s planning for his mom the day after.

I have a few female friends from uni and we manage to remember almost every year for the past 15 years and we don’t live with each other. So I’d expect my husband to be better than mates.

I would be unimpressed if I had to remind my partner about my birthday. The bar is so low for men in some households. Each to their own I guess.

This 100 percent

I would let it play out too Op, just to see if he remembers or not.

I find it weird he can forget considering his mums birthday is the day after and he’s planning something for that .

He’s forgotten your birthday once before if this now makes it a second time make sure he doesn’t get to third time! If you get into the habit of having to remind him of these dates you might grow resentful.

So what's the problem with being an adult about it and giving him a simple reminder?

Some people forget things sometimes, and sometimes that includes birthdays.

I really hope he has remembered for you! My husband has always remembered, but doesn't feel he has to do anything, as it's just me! It is so hurtful. I hope he has got you a lovely surprise!

Mine forgot one year. FB reminded him 🙄

I thought buggrit decided to go to Cheshire Oaks on my own. He insisted on taking me bought a nice lunch and a gorgeous hand bag he didn't dare argue with the price 🤣

He hasn't forgotten since.

You shouldn't have to remind him , how can he forget!. His mother's birthday is irrelevant. He sounds a terrible husband.