To not remind my husband it's my birthday?

Hurray!! 🎉

Are you lonely and bitter?

But he did. Read the update.

OP hasn’t said anything like this though. The post is light hearted in tone. DH is busy preparing a party for his mum’s significant birthday the day after OP’s, and I think OP was concerned he had forgotten because he was busy with that. Reminding him may have spoiled any surprise he had planned for her and still wouldn’t change the fact that he had forgotten if that was the case. And it’s all moot anyway because OP has updated that he’s remembered.

And if you’d read the thread you would realise that this was not what OP was planning to do. She was disappointed that he seemed to have forgotten but said she didn’t want to remind him in case she spoiled any surprises he had planned. She wasn’t going to make a big deal of him forgetting, but any last minute gift or card still wouldn’t alter the fact that he had forgotten.

As it turns out he hadn’t forgotten so all is well, but the low bar some women have set for themselves is depressing. Having a penis doesn’t make your memory any worse than your wife’s and in the age of phones and the ability to set reminders there really is no excuse for anyone to forget the birthdays of the significant people in their lives.

Glad you’re feeling good!
Have a good evening
And Happy Birthday for tomorrow 🎂

This is what I came on to say

You’re obviously worried that something has gone wrong with your marriage right?
Just wait it out as a temperature check, see what happens and if he genuinely has forgotten then I would say something has gone wrong just a little bit, like you know maybe you guys aren’t making each other the focus of each other as often as you could, because he’s remembering certain things like you know his mother‘s birthday which he would’ve remembered since he was young, so maybe you two are just a bit busy so that’s the fun part, you get to kind of think about that and where you want the focus to be and you can bring some more fun back. :)
All the best :)

OP says he is a good husband though - only one lapse to date. And her update says he has actually remembered because he wants to know what she wants to do tomorrow. I was in the camp of don’t remind him, because I agree that if she has to remind him it takes the shine off it. IRL people do forget. Doesn’t make them shit, but it’s not hard to put your partners birthday in your phone calendar to remind you - even if they’re not into gifts, it’s just affirmation that you’re important when your partner remembers the important dates.

OP updated a while ago that he’d contacted her to ask her to think about what she wants to do on her birthday so it seems he’s remembered, which is great. I agree - I don’t think OP was expecting a big fuss (as one memorable poster accused her of) - it was just the fact that it would have been nice for him to remember, and l think she was a bit reluctant to remind him in case she spoiled any surprises he had planned.

I agree. I also find it odd how many women here are brazenly and unashamedly admitting to frequently not remembering their DH’s birthday without an ounce of accountability, shame or embarrassment.

I find it a height of disrespect if a partner/ husband doesn’t remember there partners birthdays - it isn’t difficult to be an adult and put a reminder in the diary if you are prone to forget. I think it is sad reading posts from women claiming their partners are great but they make no effort for birthdays etc. just because one person doesn’t bother with there birthday doesn’t mean they shouldn’t make an effort for the person they claim to love who does care. He ain’t a good husband

He should be embarrassed not to remember his wife’s birthday.

The solution to this (and forgetting any other important date) is having a shared Google calendar with all of the key family birthdays and milestones!

My husband has no chance of forgetting my birthday it's on the same day as his. Wedding Anniversary is 3 days later and he always remembers that day.

Don’t bother just buy yourself something you want, adult birthdays aren’t a big deal.

20 pages in and people are still unable to understand that reminding him doesn’t fix the damn problem!

It’s not a hard concept. I don’t know how people don’t understand this.

OP is hurt that he’s forgotten (if he has, in fact, forgotten). Even if she reminds him, he’s still forgotten. OP isn’t saying “I think he’s forgotten and I’m upset that I won’t get a card/flowers” - in which case, reminding him may help.

I am glad he has remembered! If he hadn't, I would be team remind him. Some of us are rubbish at remembering stuff.

It was our 15 year wedding anniversary last month. The night before, our daughter checked that I had remembered and got stuff for him. Nope. I got up at 530 to get to Tesco to stock up on whiskey, chocolates & a card. Snuck back into bed at 645. We woke up (he did) half an hour later with the alarm and we swapped gifts etc.

I thought I had got away with it til he mentioned something later in the day and I realised I'd been busted. He thought it was hilarious.

Because life will be miserable for both of you if you don't?

Are birthdays never normally mentioned by either of you in the lead up to it? Do you think he’s forgotten because you or he would normally have referenced it by now?

I think you have to get over yourself, DoneWithThisShizzle. Do men forget significant others' birthdays and other occasions? Yes they do. Do women? Yes they do too. There are loads of people, men and women, out there who are upset by this kind of thing. They remember every time they've been offended and build it up into a major hurt.

The thing is, it's an easy fix. It just needs a conversation along the lines of "you know it's my birthday/our anniversary coming up soon - if you haven't already thought of a present, I'd really like a ...... Will you be able to source it or shall I help you?" Or, "shall we see If X and Y are available to go out for a meal for my birthday? It's been ages since we saw them." If you are the person who thinks that he doesn't love you because he doesn't remember special dates like you do, just remind your OH.

I'll freely admit that birthdays were never a big deal when I was growing up, and I actually can't think of anything worse than a big surprise at anytime, so I understand that maybe I don't really relate to the disappointment many feel when their birthdays seem to be a non event. But actually, one of my worst times was when I was alone on my birthday, working a 12 hour night shift and there was no post (birthday cards) nor phone calls. That's when I decided that was never going to happen again and resolved to remind my loved ones about everyone's significant dates. It does work, honestly.

What century are you living in? We have calendars, both physical and digital, alarms, reminders, countdowns, all sorts! If you're not the kind of person who can "memorise dates" then you can use the tech available to you and set a reminder for yourself at an appropriate time, or several times in the run-up if needs be.

Imagine forgetting your children's birthdays, would "oh well he's bad with dates" be okay then? I doubt it. Have some responsibility for your actions, and appreciate those you love!