Visitors after birth

Sometimes would I have preferred my own parents? Yes.

Would I make DH feel that my parents are more important than his? No.

It’s completely up to you of course but if your in laws are perfectly normal & sensitive to your needs do you need up make them wait a set amount of time?

If you have a tough birth and aren’t up for a visit your husband can just tell them that and rearrange? I had c section. My nice normal
in laws came to visit DS in hospital, gave DH a big hug and me a careful cuddle, brought some useful bits, coffees and treats for us & left after 20 mins or so when I needed to try feeding. No issue, it was nice to show someone our baby!

We had a few visitors in week 1 and all stayed a short time, brought food & didn’t expect me to get off the sofa.

I didn't mind at all when anyone wanted came round to visit. Seems to be more of a thing nowadays like not letting people hold their baby.

Same day child is born, no idea why you think they should wait.

As mentioned by someone else.. to the ones treating their inlaws differently to their parents, don’t post here in a couple of years time saying mil puts her own DD’s childcare needs before yours!

As others have said, it’s personal preference. We had family in the hospital come to see the first born, second I didn’t have any choice over as it was Covid. I missed those initial visits and felt people missed out on seeing her for so long.

Are you asking your own parents to wait as well? Both sets of parents should be treated the same as long as there is no pre-existing conflict.

Why don't you just ask everyone to text/call before making plans to visit and take each day at a time depending on how you feel.

IMO it is polite to text new parents "when you're ready for a visit let me know, in the meantime if you need anything let me know".

My DD had her 2nd on Monday and I won't go unless she says she's feeling up to visitors. I was allowed a quick cuddle last night but didn't stay long as per her wishes. Her MIL is welcome as well but she can't get there on her own so will wait till the weekend.

Just don't make a big thing of making them wait and then whinge that they don't offer to help or are not as invovled as you expect them to be.

Honestly, your baby will sleep so much I don't see why you'd make people who live nearby wait. It'll make them happy, and really won't cause you any inconvenience. Don't make up unnecessary rules and then expect childcare favours down the line :-)

I think this is cultural and a western thing. Our whole family came the evening we came back from hospital parents, siblings, aunties and uncles. Ordered a takeaway. Not a big deal. Still have lovely photos (wish I looked better but not the end of the world).

I banned my parents for 8 weeks - they had to fly over and we aren’t close really. I didn’t want them seeing me in pain and I didn’t want to pander to them sitting passively in silence when I had no energy. I’m glad I did and in hindsight it should have been more like 12 weeks.

in laws came over 3 days later but they live local so popped in, had a cuddle and popped out. My parents it was two weeks of having to babysit them daily.

I have always loved and will continue to love these looney threads. I know not one single person in real life that doesn’t have their parents/in-laws round as soon as they get home from hospital (unless they hate them of course)

These baby bubble people are the same as the ones who freak out that DH might be more than an hour away from home in their last month of pregnancy. Or go on an overnight golf trip when the baby is 4 months old.

But then they’re also the same ones that MIL doesn’t want to provide free childcare for 5 years.

My dad visited me in hospital (section I was in for three days). We got home and the next two days all and sundry came - fine by me! Then we went out to lunch the third day - first BF in public!
I don’t get the ‘having time to ourselves’. Babies are boring. Presumably your visitors are not staying over. Just let them come, make sure YOU are not waiting on them, enjoy the attention. But if you want, tell them to wait - but you better tell your own parents the same.

I can't remember exactly why, but when I had DD2 in early 90's my fil came into the delivery suite shortly after DD's birth and he held her before me. He had many DGC but always had a soft spot for DD

Never really thought anything of it but it didn't bother me at the time

Well of course they can. But if she wants to invite them or they ask to come and she's OK with it but not OK with in laws visiting yet then that's her choice and there's nothing wrong with it.

Depends, are they close by and happy to pop in for a quick cuddle and leave or will they be visiting for a period of time?

We ended up with quite a lot of drop ins as we both have big families but thankfully no-one stayed beyond a quick cuddle and cup of tea.

I made my expectations very clear. People were welcome to come to meet the baby but it needed to be a flying visit in the very early days.

Depends how long they’re coming for. All our parents visited the day after birth but only stayed for a couple of hours. Had they been staying longer I’d have needed a couple of extra days to sort myself out.

Yes he did that, but both of our babies had reflux, would not lie flat, wanted to be held all the time. I was in pain, neither of us slept and we needed extra help.

Surely this is the role of the father of the child?

Ate they the type of relatives who will want waited on hand and foot, or the type who will whisk the hoover round, fill the fridge with easy meals Nd bring you more cups of tea than a human can drink? That's the big difference really.

I had one night in hospital with both births. Both sets of grandparents came to the hospital. Day I was discharged we had just us at home. Visitors the next time.

Don't use this as a control thing over someone else and treat both sets equally.

No one in my family or friendship group has ever asked anyone to wait for an allotted amount of time to meet a new addition to the family!

My favourite moments were sharing my brand new babies with all the people who I knew would love them, and being spoilt rotten in the process. And meeting other babies new to our extended family and giving them those first cuddles.

I am very VERY thankful to have a family where everyone is included and not left sidelined and that includes the in-law side of my family.

I guess I’m just older but I find this just all a bit sad.

I saw all if my grandchildren within 24 hrs of their births. They don’t have to stay long

My dad came to visit me in hospital when my first was about 12hrs old. One of my fondest memories.

Went round to husband's first wife's house when I was discharged next day to met step-sibs.

My mother finally managed to come over when he was 11 days old because she was busy at work. Allegedly.

My MiL was too ill to travel to us so we drove down to see her a couple of weeks later ( 3 hour journey each way).

I never felt any need for time to ourselves. There's enough of that in the first few months. It was lovely to share our baby with the people who would love him.

It is totally up to you, as the mother who hs gone through it. First time I felt like in had to have everyone come a few hours after (a 3 day and very challenging) birth - grandparents on both sides siblings and partners. I felt awful, in so much pain and absolutely hated it. No one forced me, I just thought that was expected.

2nd baby (also difficult delivery) I made a different choice. DH supported throughout, but the only person who visited was my mum, and that was to support me rather than see baby, to give my husband time to go home get showered a nap etc. My Dad, siblings and in laws all asked to wait until a couple days later and we were home. This felt so much better for me and no one seemed to have any issues with it.

My in-laws came to the hospital. They saw baby before my own parents (who lived 250 miles away). Sure your DH will want his parents there asap. I’d find it easier to ask for a short visit only on day 2 and then ask them to give you some space. I do find it quite sad when some grandparents are asked to wait a week plus when they are desperate to see their new grandchildren.