To think holidays with kids are 90% shit

Aww, I felt a little sad for you reading that 🥺. I know our time will come too. It's a bitter sweet thing watching them one day slowly 'detach ' but ultimately it's healthy for them to start navigating the world without us. That's why like you, I live in the moment, and enjoy their chaos and energy on a family holiday!

Massive generalisation which is not my experience at all. We spent 2 weeks away (Europe and it was very hot) with our DCs 15 and 12 and had a wonderful time. We had a villa and travelled around visiting different local towns and attractions. They used their phones when travelling but not really much otherwise. We had a ‘no phones by the pool’ rule. When we were chilling at the villa we played a lot of card games and read.
I think it depends on what your family time is like at home - you can’t suddenly expect everyone to have a personality transplant because they’re on holiday. Have a think about whether DS’s screen time is an issue at home.

Oh wow make op feel like crap for having a moan!
It sounds like hard work op - l am away with my 13 year old at the moment and have decided to relax rules around phone usage cos quite frankly l want to chill and read my book in peace. It sounds like hard work- maybe next year go somewhere that isn't quite as hot to take the sunstroke and sunburn issue out of it?

Look, I won't lie. I much preferred travel before DC. DH & I could go anywhere, up early or out late, explore amazing places etc. Just took DC to Japan & had to constantly tell them to get off phones, it took forever to get them moving in the morning & we were never anywhere before the crowds (which is what DH & I used to do). Also couldn't eat anywhere interesting as DD9 is too picky & would only eat two or three things.

But, we still went to lots of places not normally think to go, so it''s balanced out. Probably most embarrassing was puffing up Mt Inari & DC running before us telling us to hurry up!

We enjoy spending time as a family & are worried this might be the last time DD wants to come away with us. She has said as long as we pay & it’s something interesting she will probably come along next year. It’s such a short time in the grand scheme of things.

I agree OP until the kids can be half ignored and just hang out at the pool themselves. I always found it tough no matter what we did, but the difference when the youngest is a bit older is amazing. I think leave 13 yr old do what they want, I can imagine it's extremely difficult to be 13 with a toddler dominating everything. Try to vary things, maybe you and DH could go for lunch alone while baby naps and older kids babysit in exchange for ice cream money? Take 13 yr old somewhere alone with one of you for a day, maybe older 2 for another day. I think trying to do everything together as a family is where things can go wrong. I always get exhausted and cranky in the heat too, so stress levels are a bit higher on holidays.

Ps this is why you have your children close together. Even marginal gaps are tricky. The closer the better.

Plus, this is why I always advocate for not leaving parenting too late. The older starters are always the ones that have high expectations, disappointments and find it harder to adapt to "life with kids ". And a lot of what you describe is simply "life with kids". You must try to accept it and find fun in the mundane. Most parents don't have time to "relax" on a holiday.you grab tit bits of true relaxation here and there. Book on the balcony for 30 mins , that is relaxing. Stealing an hour on a Sun lounger whilst DH watches the younger ones in the water is relaxing. You can't spend all day "in peace" with a cocktail in your hand. Those days are gone.

With kids, you have to adapt to them and their needs to a good extent. I really think we don't know how to "sacrifice" In this generation anymore.

Id also say.... hotel holidays can be worse with kids. Too much organised fun, no space for them, no living room to chill in.

My kids tend to be happier & far less whingy camping or in self catered.

I’d imagine it’s the age gap & maybe the 13yo is bored of hotel entertainment. I wouldn’t really enjoy that type of thing.

Could you do a different sort of holiday? Teens quite like city break & would also probably enjoy somewhere they can have some freedom to go back & chill. So Eurocamp type of thing.

I think it’s sad how many people are saying they don’t enjoy a holiday with their teens. I find them good company - but then I teach that age group so possibly more used to them.

We make our play cards with us & go out exploring. It gives us something to chat about.

Truthfully, it’s your outlook that is the problem. Why don’t you stop being so ungrateful and enjoy your holiday. If it’s that bad, don’t go again but you’re there now. I can bet your mood affects your family more than you probably realise. Try leading with enthusiasuam ans gratitude, actually make a conscious effort to be present, and I bet every single one of your kids will appreciate it.

Means all inclusive.

What's AI in this context?

I do wish people would stop using acronyms and assuming everyone else knows what the f they're talking about!!

We personally LOVE our holidays with kids. They are our family. Holidays are quality family time. Yes the packing is laborious , yes you might have to plan for boredom on planes, tired and grouchy moments, potential picky eating, potential earlier and less wild nights. But.... That's having kids. When you choose to have a family, holidays look different.

I don't know what people's expectations are these days ? I cling on to this period of time when the kids still want to come on holidays as a family. One day they won't.

There's a saying "most of your life you'll know your children as adults. It's only a very small timer that you know them as children. Make the most of that time "

Been there and spent a lot of the time annoyed by oldest ds who barely went in the pool, happy to sit in room on phone etc. In hindsight I spent too much energy trying to persuade him to join in. For your own sake try to let him do his own thing, whatever that may be and enjoy your holiday with the other two children. That way, everyone’s happier. I get the anxiety about sunscreen etc, spent so much time almost chasing them round the pool to put it on, so stressful.

Could you and your husband each take the kids for a morning or an afternoon so you each get a break? Or one of you take the two older kids and the other just has to focus on the toddler, and then swap? There's a big age gap and tagteaming might be the answer.

This is probably an occupational hazard of having such enormous age gaps. Makes this even more tricky to navigate!

We had DC almost a decade later and it was after extensive traveling most of Europe and Asia. We traveled how we wanted and chop/changed the pace to our needs. Then along came DC and we now try and cater our holidays around their needs and preferences which will change every year. If you adopt that mindset, that it is no longer about your expectations/needs and wants then you may enjoy it better.

Try to leave your 13 year old alone. At that age they’re recuperating over the summer from a full on school schedule. Hormonal and probably going through the usual stuff. Let them sleep in, join you later and do any or even no activity. If they’re moaning let them.

As for the middle one and little one make sure your partner is pulling their weight. It’s often not that the children but a husband problem where they aren’t pulling their weight.

Ignore the critics.. many people feel the way you do (myself included!)

We started on the basis that we’d continue with holidays as much as we could pre children ie travelling round Europe with an historical, cultural, nature focus. 5 years between DSs. Luckily they enjoyed their food. When they were younger we stopped at playgrounds, streams and lakes for playing. One liked art galleries, the other liked battlefields. Taught them to compromise. In due course they both shot off very fast to the tops of mountains. I think we only had one slightly frustrating holiday - in Northern Spain when they were often a bit grumpy.

I totally am with you OP. Holidays with kids are fucking exhausting unless you've got the type who either play together nicely all day or happily go to kids club all day (we have neither of the above)

First foreign holiday with DC1 when she was 2, awful hotel, middle of bloody nowhere (our failt we didn't do enough research) and it honestly took me 6 weeks after returning home to start feeling vaguely normal again. I cried in the loo on the flight home from sheer exhaustion.

My parents took me and brother on an amazing, once in a lifetime holiday when we were teenagers and my brother ruined it for everyone by being in the most vile mood for 2 whole weeks. He'd just split up with his girlfriend and the rest of us just got incessant grumpiness, snapping and moaning the entire time.

Can you divide and conquer, so DH takes older ones off to do something different for the morning while you play with the toddler? Swap over the next day?

Without reading all the posts, I can agree with a few that mention having one child and enjoying. That’s definitely the case with my smaller family. However it’s going to be easier when I only need to tailor a trip to suit one child’s interest and age

Having more kids is probably going to mean more work on yours and your husbands part which could lead to less enjoyment. Can you consider the divide and conquer option this holiday? You each take the kids for 2 hours. Maybe one do 10-12, meet for lunch/time together and then the other does 2-4 before coming together again for the evening

We go camping near the coast and the woods every year in the UK, we get loads of outdoor time and the kids absolutely love the freedom and love meeting other kids there. Hot abroad holidays are better for adult only mini breaks IMO.

@MangoBlink How does a 13 year old have the experience to choose a holiday? This pool or that pool? Take their hobbies into account. Obviously if they like nothing you have to take some blame. At 13 ours liked clubs on cruises. Wildlife holidays and anything in Italy! We never did AI after a couple of cruises but we kept dc interested because we saw different things and did different things. We didn’t just sit by a pool.

It’s not relaxing in the traditional sense once you have children, but it can be fun and enjoyable.

I’ve always loved holidays with my dc who are now 16 and 11 - notably more so since splitting from exh (when they were 7 and 2) but that’s another story…

I think your big age gap doesn’t help. I have at times found it hard enough with a 5 year gap! Having two adults there you can at least split forces.

It’s probably the age gap and the type of holiday. I remember taking a DD16 DS11 DS2and feeling exactly the same on holiday in Greece. I think you have to let the older ones know what’s available and leave them to it if they won’t listen. It’s hard when you can see sunstroke in the future but have an anti-hat child! But we learn by our mistakes so hopefully he’ll wear a hat tomorrow!