Sons boyfriend ruining our holiday

I think i'd ask my son if he and boyfriend want to go home early, and ask him to talk to the BF about it, alternatively the BF can go home if he so wishes, and btw the pair of them are in charge of tomorrow night's meal.

I really feel for your son and hope you can encourage him to leave this relationship.
In the meantime, I'd limit the time he's in your home now he's lieing on your daughter. If he's really afraid of her, he shouldn't want to spend time in her home. Who knows what's likely to happen next. He needs to go.

Ok this is easy op. A friend of mine went through similar with her son’s gf on holiday - continual problem making.

You do not send ds/bf home. You keep them there and you let the bf dig his own grave. Say nothing and ds will come to the realisation that this person is a horrible partner and dump him. The more awkward kissing the better. The more whinging the better.

sacrifice your holiday and free your ds from this individual

Sounds like a toxic relationship. Your son is so young, he should be enjoying his life. Not being an emotional crutch for a manipulative man. The bf is also probably envious of the life and family that your DS has. I think you need to have a quiet word with your DS. If Bf is not happy he's more than welcome to leave. You were kind enough to pay for him, the least he could do is show some gratitude.

A 14 year old child should not be confronting an adult!

Has your daughter not confronted him about the accusations?

What a most ridiculous question!

This exactly . They are adults why are you spending so much time with them ?

You can't 'fix' the BF or his issues, and it's your DS's choice to be with him. Your DS and his BF are both adults. I'd just leave them to have "their" holiday and the rest of you have yours. Enjoy yourselves, perhaps seeing how things can be will open your DS's eyes a little.....

Difficult one. I'd be inclined to ask son to .ake separate dinner plans for a break! Spend the least amount of time with them. Ask son not to be so passionate around family I.e. love bites!

It sounds coercive and like he’s trying to spoil the holiday for your DS as part of manipulative and controlling behaviour.

The food issues and him getting anxious about flight delays etc..etc.. sounds like possible ASD, it maybe why he’s struggling with life and his mental health. Saying that….he’s not your DS’s responsibility and he probably should have thought about ‘how he would cope’ before agreeing to come.

Your DS is 21, I wouldn’t expect him to take part in everything you are doing, maybe just let them get on with their own things so you can enjoy your holiday? Maybe after the holiday your DS will realise how much hard work his boyfriend is and will step away?

I suggested schizophrenia because I once knew someone like this. He genuinely believed that the most bizarre things were happening around him.

OP mentions that he has "MH problems" and that her son comments that he might not be taking his meds, but the spectrum is very wide and it would be a good idea to narrow it down a bit so that she at least has some idea what she's dealing with.

Of course he might just be an arsehole! Or an arsehole with schizophrenia (like the guy I knew...) 🤡

Also, I think I'd speak to him. Maybe with your son there, but no one else (so he cannot twist your words).

I'd mention that you've noticed he has been airing a few concerns. And whilst you are sorry he has struggled with the food, you'd love it if there was something you could do so that he was a bit happier. Because the negativity is impacting the whole family and has to stop. So maybe you could take him to the supermarket to find some food he is more comfortable with? Or he can agree with DS where they will eat.

As per PP, kill him with kindness. But also acknowledge the impact his behaviour is having.

This is a deeply unpopular thing to say, but some people experiencing poor mental health become entirely self centred, unable to view anything from another POV. He needs to hear that other people are being affected by his actions and that is not fair.

I meant to add, I’d have a quiet word with DS and ask if he’s OK. And then ask him why he thinks BF doesn’t seem to be having a good time.

All his carry on when eating out sounds like pure attention seeking. I would give him barely any response…

”I can’t eat this pizza, it’s got herbs on it”
”Ok”

”These chips taste wierd”
”Ok”

”This coke is too cold”
”…”

Crack on with whatever you’d usually do on holiday as if he’s not there. Include your DS, the boyfriend can either tag along, or not. I guess you’ve got to hope that it will be an eye opener for your DS

For someone supposedly too unwell to attend uni or work he’s quite assertively vocal and about his displeasure on a free holiday on your dime.

Have you got the money to suggest you book him a ticket home. He might like to go and you could enjoy your last week. It's a long time to put up with that kind of behaviour.

What is not adding up is where when confronted with bad entitled behaviour we now have to ask whether the person is schizophrenic, bi-polar or autistic.

All of this.

Two separate things - rudeness and difficult behaviour as a guest on a family holiday is appalling. But it must be heartbreaking to be worrying about whether your son is truly happy with someone who may be manipulative or domineering, regardless of their sex. The performative PDAs are gross and sound like ‘ownership’ signals.

It’s curious that the BF’s mental health is so poor that it prevents him from working or studying but he feels able to complain and try to call the shots since you arrived at the airport. Something is not adding up…

Gah, how horrid for you all.

Would he be more comfortable if you made separate dinner plans? Maybe they stay in and get something on their own?

If bf has anxiety and is self conscious/ being around others makes it worse, then I'd leave them to it as much as possible.

Such a shame though.

I do get the “make him go home” comments but I’d be concerned as PPs said that it will play right into his hands. I’d be worried this is a very unhealthy relationship.

I know it’s hard but I really think your best bet would be to try and act calm and unbothered. “Oh you don’t like this pizza? That’s a shame. I think there’s a shop down the road if you want to go pick up something else for yourself.”

”You don’t want to play the board game? No worries. See you later” (then focus on having a great time with DD)

I really think the best bet is to kill him with politeness and be very unmoved by any of his attempts to rattle you. Kind but not pandering. I’d make sure you’re still being really upbeat and chatty with DS too.

It makes it harder for things to be twisted later. He ends up making himself look unreasonable. The drama gets taken out of it and hopefully DS will start coming to the conclusion himself that he’d have enjoyed the holiday a lot more with just his family. He might even start feeling a bit left out when he sees the rest of the family having fun while he’s dealing with a moody partner.

The only thing I would be firm on is any nastiness towards your DD and that not being acceptable.

What is his mental illness? From the paranoia (and possible delusions) you mention, it sounds a bit like schizophrenia. Putting someone like that in a completely unfamiliar environment, if he's not taking his meds, might result in him perceiving everything as hostile/poisoned.

Agree that you need to have a chat with your son. It doesn't sound like much fun for him either.

You’re only there a short time and I’m assuming it’s cost you a few quid. Bollocks to him, go in swiftly and nip it in the bud. You don’t have time to tip-toe around him. Tell him if he’s not happy he can either go home, or keep out of everyone’s way.

your own sulky teenagers are bad enough on holiday, let alone someone else’s ungrateful little squirt trying to ruin it and be the centre of attention. Good on your 14 year old if she has threatened him if he’s being a twat.