Sons boyfriend ruining our holiday

Be prepared that if you tell him to go home, DS is likely to go too.

The more replies I see from you OP the more I would honestly agree with everyone saying send the boyfriend home. He's a selfish little wanker and it seems he is clearly emotionally abusing your son. Smothering him in hickeys, won't stay out of his face and is actively trying to prove a point that everyone is against him. It very much sounds like he guilt tripped your son into inviting him on the holiday.
Stuff his feelings about his birthday and get the little freeloader gone- you may find your son will be relieved to be rid of him.

Yep, there's always some arse clown desperate to play hunt the phobia.

OP, nobody, particularly your vulnerable daughter, sould be left alone with him, he's a liar, a trouble maker and might accuse anyone of ANYTHING. Do not allow anyone to be alone with him so whoever is there always has back up, if any of you are left alone with him go to the loo, go for a walk, whatever you need to do to ensure there are always witnesses. If you absolutely cannot avoid being stuck alone with him, record the conversations. Obviously you can't stop your son from doing so unfortunately.

Keep contemporaneous notes as he may try something when you get home, notes of what he said, did, times, dates. Never invite him around your family again, you must protect them.

Later, you can gently make sure your son knows he can come straight home to you at any time and discuss anything with you.

The main thing now is to get your whole family home safe and away from him. Don't confront him don't discuss his behaviour at all, just try to act as though everything is normal. Manipulative, malicious people like this can cause a LOT of trouble.

I’d just ignore his dramatics. Mildly say such stuff as “get a room” or “if you don’t like it then buy yourself something else”. “Oh just ignore dd, she’s teasing you and treating you as she would her brother”
Try not to show irritation. Mildly comment or acknowledge his feelings “sorry you don’t like.,,” and immediately carry on with your own conversation or change the subject. Don’t give him oxygen.

Don’t bother criticising him to ds. That will force him to defend him. Let it all wash over your head and hopefully ds will then see for himself how unreasonable his bf is.

He sounds a nightmare and an embarrassment. But as your DS is defending him offers to send him home won’t work and DS will take his side.

just ignore, when the histrionics start up just remove yourselves and go out or give one responses to direct digs.

don’t offer alternatives to food or outing complaints leave it to DS to manage unless he ask your help directly.

when you return have a conversation and voice your disappointment in him and how he allowed his bf to treat you all on holiday don’t say anything about BFs character just DS.

Disgusting comment. I don't know how people can bring themselves to write this type of thing. That was a real little girl you know.

Your poor daughter having to tolerate this low life on a family holiday.
She's only 14.
I really think its odd when families have to bring people with them, they can't be together for a short holiday.
He is clearly deliberately trying to ruin it for you all.

Lovebites??! Jesus.
Highly likely your son is scared of the bf.

Yes,

Your ds sounds like he’s being manipulated by his bf. I’m worried for him. It wouldn’t surprise me that if your son has said he wants to split up, then bf will start using emotional blackmail. He sounds horrible. Bf that is, not your son.

He sounds really unpleasant. You’ll need to have a talk with your DS and make sure he knows that relationships are supposed to make you feel good - not awkward, not difficult, etc and that he can end a relationship that does not make him happy for that reason alone. And that he is not responsible for his bf’s MH. He should be enjoying life at that age. If that’s how the guy behaves in front of everyone I wonder how he behaves with DS behind closed doors.

You might find your son is relieved if you send his bf home or call him out on his behaviour.

Ask him to leave no discussion

I have read almost all the thread and honestly op I’m getting more worried for you all as I read! Initially I thought keep him close but the more you post I think put him on a plane now while he’s well enough to fly alone. DS does not go with him….. tell DS you need family together to process what has happened and the bf behavior. I’m pretty confident DS wants the relationship over too. Sure he’s a young adult but I think you op as the matriarch of the family need to send bf safely home …today at any cost

edited to add…it reads as a form of abuse to me and surely you do not want DS to be in an abusive relationship

Wow OP you are being massively more tolerant than I would be! You've got to get rid of that tosser. Tell him to leave, regardless of his circumstances. Can't believe how much you are putting up with. He's so disrespectful and rude, and you are letting him ruin it for everyone else.

I would consider the fact DS seems to be in an abusive relationship and the bf is testing the boundaries with you. Being British everyone has a stiff upper lip and been polite about it. Playing music until 1am and accusing people of putting bugs in drinks - absolutely no way should that fly.

His birthday is not your problem, his behaviour is.

Can you afford to book flights home for him or both of them?
Theres absolutely no way I would be subjecting my 14 yo to having her holiday dominated and ruined and honestly I don’t want to be unkind but you are really letting her down. You need to step up and protect your child here. I am shocked you didn’t make arrangements for him to go home as soon as he falsely accused her of something.

Why are you doing everything together? Why don't you and your daughter go together for the day? He sounds a real misery and yes he does sound as though he stopped taking his antidepressants. I could always tell with my ex-husband if he'd stopped three days before.The tablets made him feel better so he thought he didn't need them anymore and would stop taking them. Used to drive me nuts!

I’d put my foot down about PDA and say you are not having it on your holiday which you paid for and saved up all year for. You don’t mind what they do but it needs to be in private. Then try to ignore/ tolerate him and keep DD away from BF

I'd just split if into two groups. There's no reason for you, your DH and DD to have a miserable time. You three do your own thing, and let DS and BF do theirs. Eat separately too.

It's a real shame in that this was supposed to be a last family holiday with DS, but I think it's the only way you'll all get to the end of the holiday without high drama. And you three deserve to at least enjoy some of the next week.

Does he drink? Maybe a jug of Sangria (or two) might make him enjoy himself more and make him more jolly?

I have quite a few gay friends and they are hilarious!

It’s entirely possible to have mental health issues and be a complete cunt.

He may try the mental health card to excuse his behaviour but his behaviour is just plain nasty.

What a complete loser.

And why is it that when there’s an utter waster like this, someone always comes along and asks if he’s autistic. or implies
that you don’t it because they’re gay. As if it makes a difference to the end result? Mental health issues are frankly no excuse either.

Get him on the first flight home Saturday morning and enjoy the rest of your trip.

Then ask DS why he’s with him and how he thinks there will ever be any joy in his future with this loser in it.

He can do so much better. Sorry you’ve all had to learn this the hard way.