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Original poster

To be angry at DH for putting cricket first?

68 replies

lookma1 · 12/08/2025 18:08

Hi,

Just a DH rant..
I’ve been unwell all day, thankfully a quiet day so I’ve been able to sit fairly undisturbed in the office without needing to let anyone down or go off sick although have got progressively worse all day and probably should have gone home. DH has known all day that I’ve been ill.

FIL has been at our house watching the children today so it was probably better I was at work anyway as children don’t leave me alone! DH has been working from home.

DH plays cricket very occasionally. He’d like it to be more but he never gets picked for the team. He was asked to play tonight after someone dropped out so they had to ask him. DH hasn’t asked me all day how I am and whether I’d be well enough to have the children and put them to bed tonight whilst he’s out for however long it takes. We have 2 DC (5 and 2). 5 year old is extremely difficult at the moment behaviour wise.

I was in for all of 5 minutes before he announced he was leaving. I suggested it was a bit selfish to put cricket before me and parenting to support me. He refused to stay at home to help with the children as cricket is something I know he likes, he doesn’t get to do it much and he feels as if I’m trying to take it away from him.

He rushed out of the house and his only offering was that he’d ring his dad to come back and put them to bed instead - his dad is 60, obviously had them all day and has had recent knee and hand operations so I said absolutely not. He also said if I was a single parent I’d have no choice but to just get on with things. He then started saying it would be a shame if he was to be poorly the day of an upcoming huge work course I’ve got on in a few months time which is both very important and a huge deal for my work that I’ve been picked to attend.

This isn’t the first time he’s been like this, he’s regularly put things he wants to do above needing to make a choice to put family first. In one occasion he had a day out drinking with friends planned. I was pregnant with our 2 year old and I came down with awful pelvic pain making it hard to walk. He had a big strop that I was ruining it, then went anyway rather than stay at home to help me with our toddler at the time.

AIBU to be really annoyed at him for this?

OP posts:
99bottlesofkombucha · 12/08/2025 22:13

EaglesSwim · 12/08/2025 20:32

That is the best idea ever. Cricket involves lots of downtime. There will be plenty of empty nester ladies serving cake who would give their soul for a couple of hours with young kids.

...and the kids will love it too.

Show quote history

If a friend of yours with young children messaged to say she’s seething and stressed as she’s ill and on her own with the kids because her dh is at cricket, would you say cheerily you should definitely take your unwell self off to the cricket with the 2 & 5yo, that will be easy and fun!

99bottlesofkombucha · 12/08/2025 22:10

EaglesSwim · 12/08/2025 18:38

If the OP can't handle one night as a single parent she's hardy going to thrive as a full time one!

Personally, I think OP should offer to have the children so DH can have a (rare) night at cricket and DH should offer to miss cricket. Who takes the hit in the end I'm less sure of.

Speaking for myself, I'd want DH to play cricket and I'm sure I'd get the favour back before long.

Show quote history

there is no sign at all he’d return the favour. Does your response allow for the fact the op is unwell?

Wethers121 · 12/08/2025 22:10

I think him wanting to play cricket isn’t that bad and wouldn’t bother me so much. I can understand him wanting to take the opportunity to play if he’s not picked much and arguably you were well enough to work all day.

However, the way he spoke to you when challenged and the threats regarding your course are awful OP!

Obeseandashamed · 12/08/2025 22:06

If this was a weekly sporting commitment, I’d agree with you but by the sounds of it, he rarely gets picked and would probably ruin his chances of being picked in the future if he let the team down at the last minute on the rare occasion he was picked. The way he spoke to you was not ok and it is pretty crappy of him to bring up single parenting and your work course. I suspect it was his half arse attempt at trying to find an example of something that’s important to you and he will have to step up for but it was a nasty way of doing it.

toxicjobrec · 12/08/2025 22:04

He cheated, he's not interested in your wellbeing, he threatens your work achievements, sneers about the likelihood of you becoming a single parent, clearly has no regard for his own children (at least not from what I can gauge from your post), and to top it off, he's bloody shite at cricket!

I suspect you're not going to leave him, but I hope you do because you deserve a lot more.

Givemeanamethen · 12/08/2025 22:00

Going against the grain but I do think it was fair enough that he went to cricket. You’ve been well enough to go to work and you could’ve kept the five year old up till he got home.

Is there a pattern of you being ill when he has something on that he wants to do?

But having seen your update, I’m not all surprised that you’re quite rightly pissed off with him.

DoubtfulCat · 12/08/2025 21:57

Having now seen the update about him cheating, I’d let him go to cricket and stay there. Bastard. He won’t improve and you’ll be happier without him.

unsync · 12/08/2025 21:51

Why do you expect him to be a decent person when he has shown you his true colours on more than one occasion? This is who he is.

You need to lower your expectations if you intend on staying or get used to him disappointing you ad nauseum. Better still, rather than sink to his level, let him have the single life he so clearly craves.

Ooodelally · 12/08/2025 21:47

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/08/2025 18:38

"He also said if I was a single parent I’d have no choice but to just get on with things."
Begs the response, 'Don't tempt me.' Sad

Exactly! Don’t threaten me with a good time! What an unbearable knob, he’s shown his true colours this is never going to get better…

KickHimInTheCrotch · 12/08/2025 21:31

DoubtfulCat · 12/08/2025 20:07

He also said if I was a single parent I’d have no choice but to just get on with things. He then started saying it would be a shame if he was to be poorly the day of an upcoming huge work course I’ve got on in a few months time which is both very important and a huge deal for my work that I’ve been picked to attend.

This is pretty sinister and controlling… threatening your career in revenge.

In one occasion he had a day out drinking with friends planned. I was pregnant with our 2 year old and I came down with awful pelvic pain making it hard to walk. He had a big strop that I was ruining it, then went anyway rather than stay at home to help me with our toddler at the time.

Unless this is a thing that you tend to do when you feel you need him there. Being honest, is there any hint that your illnesses start when he has something for himself lined up? Even if they are genuine, is it possible that he sees a pattern of you being ill when he has a ‘him time’ thing planned?

(I sometimes see a sort of competitive tiredness starting with my DH, which could just be my own perception to be fair, but if I’m struggling or fall ill chances are good that he’ll develop symptoms or exhaustion as well, so I sort of have to get over mine because he can’t pick up the slack, so I’m not saying this to have a go at you.)

If not, if he is just being self centred, then I would say he isn’t really a good partner and yes, when you are a single parent it’s easier than having a partner who’s not a partner or supportive- you can shed the expectations and stop being disappointed all the time.

I have a friend whose DH is always "ill" when she's got stuff on and he takes to his bed for days, refuses to help with the kids or do any family plans. He always seems to manage to work though. I can't believe she's still married to him, it's a massive ick.

Scarydinosaurs · 12/08/2025 21:29

Wow being a single parent would be MUCH more fun than this!

Fuck him - he’s cheated on you and threatening to let you down.

You don’t deserve this.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 12/08/2025 21:26

That is the mother of all drip feeds...

Without the update I probably would have wanted him to go to cricket if he doesn't often get the chance and DH probably felt that if you were well enough to be at work all day you're well enough to get the kids off to bed. So that bit doesnt bother me. However the way he has spoken to you is out of order.

Following the update I'm going to say he's not happy in the relationship and trying to find a way out. He's being an arsehole to you on purpose.

Confabulations · 12/08/2025 21:14

EaglesSwim · 12/08/2025 20:32

That is the best idea ever. Cricket involves lots of downtime. There will be plenty of empty nester ladies serving cake who would give their soul for a couple of hours with young kids.

...and the kids will love it too.

Show quote history

Unlikely on a weekday evening game. Not many go along to watch a local club game, even at weekends. And if we do go, it is because we are watching our spouses or adult kids, not because we are wanting to look after someone else's. Since COVID, match teas don't seem to have come back to life at many clubs and again, definitely not on a weekday evening.

EaglesSwim · 12/08/2025 21:02

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/08/2025 21:00

“Why not take DC to watch DH…” Not “DH takes DC”. Quite obvious you’re wrong. And not just about that.

Show quote history

My bad. Misread the post.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/08/2025 21:00

EaglesSwim · 12/08/2025 20:52

Fucking hell. Where to start with that sexist drivel? Probably no point starting TBF. Oh and she’d infect everyone. Nice.

I presume the PP meant DH should take the kids to give the OP a night off. I very much doubt the PP meant the OP should start her Cricket career tonight when she's ill and for a male team.

...and it's a superb idea.

“Why not take DC to watch DH…” Not “DH takes DC”. Quite obvious you’re wrong. And not just about that.

Goodadvice1980 · 12/08/2025 20:59

Kissed someone on a stag do did he? And the rest!

OP when someone shows you who they really are believe them. Is this how you want to live? He sounds so disrespectful.

EaglesSwim · 12/08/2025 20:52

Fucking hell. Where to start with that sexist drivel? Probably no point starting TBF. Oh and she’d infect everyone. Nice.

I presume the PP meant DH should take the kids to give the OP a night off. I very much doubt the PP meant the OP should start her Cricket career tonight when she's ill and for a male team.

...and it's a superb idea.

Athreedoorwardrobe · 12/08/2025 20:50

I'd kick off big style.
You'll get a bunch of cool girls on here coming and saying they'd be fine and single parents cope every day..
But you aren't a single parent. I'm not a single parent. I expect my DH to bloody pull his weight and not swan off without consulting me as to whether he's needed or not.
I'd be absolutely apoplectic if my DH did what yours has just done.. and then tried to gaslight me into believing I'm being controlling or some shit.
Honestly I'd pack my bags and go and stay with a friend when he got back.
I have actually done that before a long time ago when my DH tried this nonsense.
Just left as soon as he got back and turned my phone off.
He had to call in sick to work coz I wasn't there to care for the kids.
But if he thinks he can just make plans without consulting me about whether I can have the kids then I will bloody well be doing the same thing back to him.
If you've got kids then you run your plans by your partner if it's going to mean that partner will be taking on solo childcare.
Don't let men get away with this shit. Just assuming you are the default parent and they are some type of bonus help or occasional babysitter. Fuck that.
My DH has never gone out without checking first with me whether I'm OK to look after the kids since that instance.
You need to be hardline about it. Find your anger.

Arlanymor · 12/08/2025 20:48

Erm... I haven't read a single positive thing about him. He cheats. He threatens. He's selfish. He's uncaring. I mean he's just an all-around arsehole isn't he?

I really don't see what you are getting out of this at all - was he always this terrible or since having babies has he turned into a massive man baby?

I would honestly be considering my options. I really and truly would.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/08/2025 20:42

EaglesSwim · 12/08/2025 20:32

That is the best idea ever. Cricket involves lots of downtime. There will be plenty of empty nester ladies serving cake who would give their soul for a couple of hours with young kids.

...and the kids will love it too.

Show quote history

Fucking hell. Where to start with that sexist drivel? Probably no point starting TBF. Oh and she’d infect everyone. Nice.

OP fuck him off. Kissing other women and threatening your work? He should be single.

Panterusblackish · 12/08/2025 20:39

Netcurtainnelly · 12/08/2025 20:35

Agree Sports good for you, a nice hobby. Better than gambling or down the Pub.

Show quote history

So is resting when you're sick, instead of having to soldier on because your cheating cunt of a husband threatens your career.

Leave if you can OP. He doesn't value you one bit.

Dolphinosep0tatoes · 12/08/2025 20:37

God, chuck him out of his arse op.
You deserve soooo much better.

He's cheated on you.
He's selfish.
He doesn't care about you.

Why on earth would you want to stay with someone like this?

Netcurtainnelly · 12/08/2025 20:35

EaglesSwim · 12/08/2025 18:38

If the OP can't handle one night as a single parent she's hardy going to thrive as a full time one!

Personally, I think OP should offer to have the children so DH can have a (rare) night at cricket and DH should offer to miss cricket. Who takes the hit in the end I'm less sure of.

Speaking for myself, I'd want DH to play cricket and I'm sure I'd get the favour back before long.

Show quote history

Agree Sports good for you, a nice hobby. Better than gambling or down the Pub.

EaglesSwim · 12/08/2025 20:32

caringcarer · 12/08/2025 19:37

Why not take DC to watch DH play cricket? Whilst his team is battling he can help out with DC while he waits his turn to bat. It sounds lovely me he only gets a game very occasionally so I'd accommodate it knowing DH would do that for me.

That is the best idea ever. Cricket involves lots of downtime. There will be plenty of empty nester ladies serving cake who would give their soul for a couple of hours with young kids.

...and the kids will love it too.

Original poster
lookma1 · 12/08/2025 20:24

Thank you everyone - it definitely is more of the attitude that has angered me more. I absolutely would have at least checked it was okay earlier in the day or checked in whilst I was there. I haven’t heard a thing from him. I usually check the online scorecard when he’s playing. His team are in bat now but he’s not even listed as a player like he usually is.

I didn’t really want to drip feed but this is only months on from him kissing someone else on a stag do abroad. A stag do where I had to take annual leave etc to facilitate him going, to be there for the children.

I’ve struggled on and got the children to bed, for the poster concerned I can’t manage.

I’m very weak and should be much stronger but here was me still thinking he might somehow show something different. More fool me really!

OP posts:
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