Page 6 | Old men sitting next to me

pamelanoon · 2025-08-12T12:22:57+00:00

Does this happen to anyone else. There is a little cafe near where i work. I go and have my lunch there. I sit at a small table with two chairs. Two times, old men have come in by themselves and asked can they sit at my table. There are loads of free tables, so there is no need to sit at mine. When I said no to the first man, he was really rude and called me a typical selfish female. I then said to the restaurant staff that he was abusing me and they said "oh but he is very old". He grumbled and went off to sit by himself. The next time I went in, a different old man came in and asked if he could sit at my table. The chairs are a bit more comfy at the table i was at, so I thought that he wanted the comfy chair. I said to him "yes you can sit here, i will move to another table". I moved to another table, he went to the counter, came back, and came over to me at the new table and asked could he sit with me at this second table! I said no you can sit over there, and he shuffled off angrily. Right they are probably lonely, but i want to enjoy my lunch, i don't want to be sitting talking to an old man i dont know all through lunch! What would you do?

nomas · 12/08/2025 14:32

pamelanoon · 12/08/2025 14:18

I never really understand why people say "this has never happened to me".

What is the point of that.?

It has nothing to do with anything. It seems a bit rude in my opinion

My friend got groped when getting off a train recently. That has never happened to me.

When she told me about it, what if I replied to her "well that has never happened to me".

What has it got to do with what just happened to her?

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Well said, OP. It's an insidious way to shut women up.

Dappy777 · 12/08/2025 14:32

We look at elderly people are feel sorry for them, but none of us knows what they like when they were young. Just because you are old and frail that doesn’t mean you are sweet and nice. Those men may have been grubby little pervs in their 20s and 30s. Also, they are from a generation that got away with so much. Men could whistle at women, make lewd comments, even grope them, and nothing was done. If a woman in the 1980s complained about sexual harassment, it would most probably be brushed aside. I make ZERO allowance for all that. Sounds to me like those men wanted a woman to stare at and leer at while they drank their tea. And they sulked because it was denied them. Well tough shit. This is 2025 my friend, not 1925, go and sit somewhere else.

Original poster

pamelanoon · 12/08/2025 14:31

mintydoggyv · 12/08/2025 14:28

As a chap who is old , l would respect you as you only have a limited time for lunch, l hope you don't think all old men are rude and nasty . I was in Oxford where l live and a younger lady asked if she could sit in the chair by me l said yes and l will be silent while you have lunch . She had a lunch and coffee and said thank you , she said have you been retired long l said and she politely said well if l am here another day can l sit here again l nodded and yes l said bye , if a hard working lady you all need respecting , not all older men are nasty , good luck with your career as well , don't forget you will be old one day

Thank you for the post. No I don't think all older man are rude and nasty. I have met some very nice men of that age

The last line - when I am old, I will not go and sit at a young man's table. I would know that he would not want me there!

OP posts:

mintydoggyv · 12/08/2025 14:28

As a chap who is old , l would respect you as you only have a limited time for lunch, l hope you don't think all old men are rude and nasty . I was in Oxford where l live and a younger lady asked if she could sit in the chair by me l said yes and l will be silent while you have lunch . She had a lunch and coffee and said thank you , she said have you been retired long l said and she politely said well if l am here another day can l sit here again l nodded and yes l said bye , if a hard working lady you all need respecting , not all older men are nasty , good luck with your career as well , don't forget you will be old one day

Original poster

pamelanoon · 12/08/2025 14:24

I feel like saying "no just fuck off its not my job to chat to you"

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MaloryJones · 12/08/2025 14:22

YANBU

I am 60 and, quite honestly, fed up myself of Men noticing Me and saying things or just creeping Me out be staring at Me.
They were probably the same when young OP .. but at least in my case its of my peer group mainly,

OnlyWayOutIsThrough · 12/08/2025 14:22

Possibly a combination of loneliness and cognitive decline meaning that social norms aren't front and centre.

autumngirl714 · 12/08/2025 14:21

What strange behaviour from these men!
you are absolutely not being unreasonable!!

Original poster

pamelanoon · 12/08/2025 14:19

BauhausOfEliott · 12/08/2025 14:16

I've certainly been harassed by men many times, but never once has an 'old man' asked to sit with me in a cafe, and I spend a lot of time in cafes.

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And what is your point?

It has never happened to you. What is that adding to the conversation exactly?

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Original poster

pamelanoon · 12/08/2025 14:18

Clockforce · 12/08/2025 14:15

Yes, me too and I eat alone a lot.

I have occasionally asked to join other groups, when there were no spare tables, and have never been refused.

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I never really understand why people say "this has never happened to me".

What is the point of that.?

It has nothing to do with anything. It seems a bit rude in my opinion

My friend got groped when getting off a train recently. That has never happened to me.

When she told me about it, what if I replied to her "well that has never happened to me".

What has it got to do with what just happened to her?

OP posts:

BauhausOfEliott · 12/08/2025 14:16

pamelanoon · 12/08/2025 14:12

Are you serious? This happens to women all the time. Women get harassed by men a lot.

My friend told me that she was reading a book in a cafe, and an older man just sat down opposite her at a two seat table. She had to get up and move

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I've certainly been harassed by men many times, but never once has an 'old man' asked to sit with me in a cafe, and I spend a lot of time in cafes.

Clockforce · 12/08/2025 14:15

silkypyjamas · 12/08/2025 14:14

In all my life of sitting alone in cafe's & restaurants this has never happened to me. I wouldn't consider myself unattractive or attractive, just 'normal'. You are just very unlucky I would say, or maybe have a friendly face, and maybeI have a resting B face :-)

Yes, me too and I eat alone a lot.

I have occasionally asked to join other groups, when there were no spare tables, and have never been refused.

AnotherNaCha · 12/08/2025 14:15

We really need to get more comfortable in telling them to F@CK OFF.

nomas · 12/08/2025 14:15

Clockforce · 12/08/2025 14:00

Your choice, but one of the most interesting evenings of my life was when I turned up late at a remote restaurant after travelling all day on my own. They had no tables but the owner asked a man eating alone if he'd mind me sharing. He didn't and I had a lovely chatty time, talking to someone from a walk of life I'd never normally have met.

Obviously they shouldn't be grumpy if you say no, but I don't think there's any harm in asking, and lots to be gained.

Everybody has different experiences. An elderly man in a fast food place sitting next to me asked me for my help with downloading an app and signing up with an account. I only helped because he was elderly. All was fine whilst I helped until at the end he started describing in lewd sexual language what he was planning to do to his boyfriend that night. I made a sharp exit.

Handbagcuriosity · 12/08/2025 14:14

The aww he is old and doddery reaction from the cafe staff would have pissed me off

I always get frustrated when people talk about older people as if they are all sweet and harmless. Some people whatever their age can be lovely and some can be horrible. People who are horrible don’t suddenly hit 90 and become sweet and nice overnight

Neither of these men sound like they fall in the lovely category given their reaction to you saying no and the fact there were plenty seats available to them

I don’t think you were being unreasonable to say no and I think the cafe staff were being unreasonable to just brush it off because the men were older

silkypyjamas · 12/08/2025 14:14

In all my life of sitting alone in cafe's & restaurants this has never happened to me. I wouldn't consider myself unattractive or attractive, just 'normal'. You are just very unlucky I would say, or maybe have a friendly face, and maybeI have a resting B face :-)

Original poster

pamelanoon · 12/08/2025 14:12

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Are you serious? This happens to women all the time. Women get harassed by men a lot.

My friend told me that she was reading a book in a cafe, and an older man just sat down opposite her at a two seat table. She had to get up and move

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Original poster

pamelanoon · 12/08/2025 14:10

Some men do seem to think they are absolutely entitled to chat to any woman.

I remember one time i was in spain and i was sitting at a table outside a restaurant. This man walked up and said "i noticed you have beautiful eyes , you look like you are from X country are you , I am from there too blah blah. He was talking to me like I would be absolutely delighted to talk to him, when i was annoyed that he was interrupting my lunch.
I wanted to tell him to go away but sometimes i get nervous to say that, in case the man gets aggressive. I said to him "i have to take a phonecall" and he eventually got the hint.

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DeLaRuiz · 12/08/2025 14:08

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letsallchant · 12/08/2025 14:05

Older men can often see women as default conversation providers - sorry but it's often true. Tell them you're working. Maybe put an open notebook next to your plate so it looks like you're doing something. No, you shouldn't have to, I know.

Original poster

pamelanoon · 12/08/2025 14:04

Clockforce · 12/08/2025 14:00

Your choice, but one of the most interesting evenings of my life was when I turned up late at a remote restaurant after travelling all day on my own. They had no tables but the owner asked a man eating alone if he'd mind me sharing. He didn't and I had a lovely chatty time, talking to someone from a walk of life I'd never normally have met.

Obviously they shouldn't be grumpy if you say no, but I don't think there's any harm in asking, and lots to be gained.

The man wasn't "grumpy" when I said no.

He got very aggressive. He called me 'a typical selfish female' and he said "well what would you do if I just sat there anyway"

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Original poster

pamelanoon · 12/08/2025 14:01

Iloveyoubut · 12/08/2025 13:56

All I would questionhere is your need to keep saying ‘old men’ I’m not sure why their age is relevant. You seem to enjoy using the phrase. I personally wouldn’t want to be hassled whilst eating alone by anyone.

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Because it's only old men that have done this to me.

Young men have not done this to me.

So their age is relevant in describing who is doing this to me.

I also think that age is relevant in harassment and abuse. As someone a lot older can be very intimidating.

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purplecorkheart · 12/08/2025 14:00

I have had this a few time with both men and women. All the women were fine when I said that I prefer to sit on my own. I got a bad reaction from a man during a recent hotel stay where I was working on a laptop while eating dinner. Got very angry when I refused his offer to keep me company.

Clockforce · 12/08/2025 14:00

Your choice, but one of the most interesting evenings of my life was when I turned up late at a remote restaurant after travelling all day on my own. They had no tables but the owner asked a man eating alone if he'd mind me sharing. He didn't and I had a lovely chatty time, talking to someone from a walk of life I'd never normally have met.

Obviously they shouldn't be grumpy if you say no, but I don't think there's any harm in asking, and lots to be gained.

Iloveyoubut · 12/08/2025 13:56

hmmimnotsurewhy · 12/08/2025 13:44

@softlyfallsthesnowso you think women can do it but not men? Why? Typical!

The OP never once said this!