Old men sitting next to me

No it isn't, she asked a question and not everyone had the same experience as her so she didn't like it.

I understood what she meant, it's about these men's view of themselves, not about the woman in particular. It's never ABOUT the woman but about themselves.

YANBU

Why the fuck should you have to put up with this

Yes that’s happened to me before. In a cafe, bus, bench (when there’s been others) etc. Particularly when I was in my 20s. I don’t know why they think women 1/3 of their age would be so honoured by their company. I used to get embarrassed and flustered (people pleaser) but now would just get up and move.

I'll tell you what is typical - someone posts about negative behaviour from males and there is always one trumpet who comes along and says 'but what about the women?' 'Women can be X too'.

We are talking about mens behaviour here. Not women. Did you say 'but all lives matter' when the conversation was specifically about black lives?

Just give it a rest.

Exactly @pamelanoon - it’s older men who think they are being jovial and almost like they are putting themselves out to do you a favour because you’re “all alone”.

DH and I were in a beer garden the other week. A woman about late 30s came in, ordered a glass of rose and got her book out. Five minutes later this old guy wanders in - the waiter said he’d get him a table and he said “no it’s ok - I’ll just sit here and keep this young lady company” and plonked himself down. The poor woman looked aghast but just sort of grimaced/smiled and kept reading her book. Next thing the guy is saying “come on now, it’s rude to read when you’ve got company” and proceeded to launch into his life story. She lasted about 3 minutes then just got up and left - leaving half her wine behind.

I was furious on her behalf. Ok she could have said something but clearly she didn’t feel confident to do so - he did have a very confident/imposing aura about him.

Why should women have to put up with these arseholes? 😡😡😡

Not a spiteful post. I’m just saying men, the type of men who are like that… have always been like that. They didn’t just become like that because they’re ‘old’ they behave like that because they’re entitled and it’s more jarring when they’re older. I sis say ‘feeding off women’s energy’ that’s what they do. But it’s not because they’re old. They’ve always been that man. They’ve always been ‘him’

What a spiteful post. Older men aren’t necessarily hitting on OP, they are seeing a woman alone and using their age as an excuse to bother her.

None of that means OP is only attractive enough to old men. 🙄

My point is though… that they’ve always thought that… even when they were younger. I get what you’re saying but that issue has always existed within them. It just comes out when they’re older

There is a certain type of older man who believes he is entitled to the bodies of young women. They genuinely do not see themselves as having less options. The kind of guy who would view dating me, at 52, with utter contempt and doesn't realise I wouldn't even give him a sympathy wank. It's OUR fault if they don't get the women they want, because all women are stuck up, etc.

and yet its never young men that do it to me.
Only old men. I do think that old men use their age as a way to abuse other people

It is a male/generation thing - I would say 40's upwards. I had it waiting for a train. Man came and sat next to me and asked 'do you want to chat' I said no. proceeded to talk one way drivel to me for next 20 mins when my train arrived. I was there to provide an ear hole service.

Same for other men - they talk, we have to listen. I would not mind a two way conversation but so many are not capable of it. Or when they do try tend to dumb down the conversation to what they think we can contribute to.

tbh my DF is like this. He won't (and never did) bother talking to me but will discuss anything with my brother.

Sorry to say this but it’s because young men aren’t trying to hit on you. Old men are. I know. It’s brutal , they’re awful. But it’s just that you’re not being approached by younger men. You’re being approached by older men. And they honestly think they have a chance with you. Maybe they just want to feed off female energy. Yes. It’s awful. Young men don’t need to do this, they have plenty of options and you’re not on their radar. But young men get old and then they’ll be doing it too. And yes it’s shit. But the point I’m making is that old men are just young men with less options

Given this reply to a man who's wife has no libido, I'm not sure you're as respectful as you think you are.

Better apart and living differant lives , best to get out and leave the misery pit , take all the money , sell the house get her move best way to go .

I agree. A lot of old men use their age as shield to harass women because too many people, like the cafe staff, think they are harmless purely because they are old. They get given the benefit of the doubt, even when their behaviour is outrageous, in a way that young men do not. Nasty, sexually aggressive young man don't tend to grow out of these traits, they just become nasty, sexually aggressive old men.

I’m not saying it didn’t. But what you’re not getting is that old men? They’re just men. That’s what they are. Men. With less fucking options. It’s not about them being old. It’s about them being men.

I would try another cafe for lunch.
That would make me mad, especially the cafes reaction.

You’re right, I’m sorry about the emoji. Had an exasperating day but didn’t mean to come across as meaning you weren’t entitled to your view. Apologies

I think I could have understood your reply without the rolling eye emoji. I’m simply saying what I feel. Which is allowed.

🙄I don’t think the OP is claiming any special relevance about ‘old men’, but simply that it has only been ‘old men’ that have approached her!

No you absolutely are not being unreasonable.
Dd gets this a lot, she is an adult but very young looking. She is sick and tired of older men, and yes it always is older men, trying to invade her personal space.
It happens on the train, on the bus, in shops, in cafes.
Strange how they never bloody do it to a young man who looks like he could knock the shit out of them. Hmmm wonder why that is?

Op, I don’t know what the answer is, maybe employ the tactic I have heard of, of barking like a dog at them. Self Esteem even wrote a song about it. I haven’t tried it myself, I put my bags on the seat opposite me. However I don’t get bothered too much now. Probably because I’m older and give off ‘Fuck off’ vibes due to the menopause.