Wedding no show. Was I unreasonable to block her?

I kind of think you should unblock her and call her / text her asking if you can talk. You’ll have the question about why for the rest of your life, and you might as well try to find out! You sound like you have fairly thick skin so if she swipes back at you you can just block and delete

One hundred percent. And her husband should know what she did.

She took up FOUR places at your wedding and then no-showed? That is an absolute DISGRACE. She did that on purpose. There is no way that she booked trains and hotel, because she absolutely would have showed up if she had. And then she posted photos of herself and her family on a day out, on the day of your wedding, that she knew you would see. Oh my god, I would be SO angry. If I were you, I'd write her a letter telling her that you're perfectly aware that she planned it all on purpose, that you're out hundreds of dollars, and that you don't believe for one second that she booked the train and hotel, and that you are perfectly aware that she posted the day-out photos knowing you would see them.

I would send it by email....BUT, I would also copy her husband. I bet he has NO IDEA what she did, that she lied to you about attending, and the supposed train and hotel bookings, and that the day out was the day of your wedding and she posted so that you would see. I bet he has no idea what a bitch he's married to, and he should know. If you have any mutual friends, copy them too. And her parents/siblings, if you know them. She should be embarrassed in front of her family and circle. I told my ex-H's mother and brother about what he did to me, copying ex-H, and I got an email back rom him saying "HOW DARE YOU"! Hahahahaaa!

Do it. Embarrass her. She did this whole thing on purpose and she deserves to be exposed.

If you're sure you haven't done anything to warrant this level of aggression from her, then I smell good old-fashioned jealousy. Weddings are rife with it among the bride's friends. I hate that stereotype but I'm sorry, they are.

I don't think she ever intended to come to her wedding. I think she lied about purchasing tickets and reserving hotel stays. She wanted to cost OP all that money. OP thought she was a friend, but the so called friend considered her an enemy ( for whatever perceived reason).

I’m going to sound very old fashioned here but what about a phone call? It’s probably too late now but would have saved a lot of trouble if you had had a few actual conversations.

The messaging and interpreting of SM is a really rubbish way to know how someone is, and a terrible basis for a real friendship. I find it really ironinic (and it pisses me off to be honest) how we have these phones we’re obsessed with and how rubbish most communication is now that nobody wants to actually pick the thing up and talk.

Speak to your friends ffs. (That’s not supposed to be personal to you OP just the world in general).

If she didn't want to come then why pretend? What's the game?

I imagine she's turned into a bit of a twat since you last really knew her, got drunk one night with some mates and it came up in the conversation so they used the husband's phone to make silly calls. Immature, inconsiderate, disrespectful, rude....you're well rid.

I have an old acquaintance that was a bit odd. She was invited to a friend's wedding, didn't show up. Friend confronted the oddball about it, to which they replied along the lines of 'you think I'm a bad friend for not turning up, you never contacted me to see if I was OK when I didn't turn up so clearly you're the bad friend and weren't really that bothered about having me there'.

Ended up unravelling that we realised she never turned up to anything on time. Would say yes to everything but only come if we contacted her after the start time to ask if she was still coming. Basically she only came if she was chased so she knew how much her presence was wanted and to know her absence was noted and worried about.

So we stopped chasing her, still invited her and she always said yes but didn't chase if she didn't show. She stopped coming to anything, eventually left the group chat declaring we no longer care about her.

Nah block all the other numbers and the husband aswell now and move on with your life she sounds a right twat

You'd be worried about her even if you could see photos on social media of her and the fam cavorting about a National Trust site on the day of the nuptials?

If it really is that out of character, is it possible her husband is controlling or abusive and somehow made it happen and wouldn't let her explain? I know that's an odd thing to reach for but if it's that far removed from her usual self then maybe someone else is involved, especially since you say the hen party cancellation message didn't sound like her either.

Or perhaps she forgot and is now too embarrassed to come clean?

Blocking isn't always childish. If it is a line in the sand you need. She was hurtful with no explanation and probably was responsible for the 1am calls.

I dont think everyone you lose is a loss. I hope you had a fantastic wedding

Still should have let op know,even if it was the next day and sent some flowers or something as an apology.

Some friend! She would stay blocked for me.

She's in absolutely no position to be pissed off after what she did.

The mental gymnastics going on from some posters to defend this woman's awful behaviour is laughable. And I say this as someone who is admittedly a bit of a flake sometimes. I wonder if everybody would be jumping to excuse the friend's behaviour if they were a man?

It sounds like she is quite a terrible friend OP and it is good you are finished with her. I doubt she booked anything she probably planned all along not to go. Her reaction is typical where people who know they have acted poorly get defensive and blame everyone else. I have had a few examples like this come to mind and I can never make logical sense of it either.

I would stick this woman firmly in the past and jump out of any social media contact with her.

So sorry this happened to you and what an awful way to treat you and not have the decency to say something in the days after the wedding.

Similarly, I had someone do this to me, although they did tell someone within the wedding party that they weren't coming on the morning of. I waited and waited … never heard from them until I literally bumped into them months later at the shop. It was so awkward. They did sit me down and explain a few more weeks after our initial bump into each other but I just couldn’t move past the fact that they never contacted me in the days/weeks/months after.

Even if they were posting on social media on the day of the wedding ?

The shitty voicemails are so weird.

One of my friends pulled out of my hen do because of childcare issues, and then didn't turn up to the wedding. We still talk occasionally, but it definitely changes the relationship. I'm still deep down (not so deep!) pissed off about it really, so I get how you feel about the situation though

I mean, clearly it was your friend using her husbands phone (drunkenly), then hanging up realising it wasn't a good idea and using a blocked number to leave a VM.

People are weird. I've had something vaguely similar happen to me too. A friend of 6 years just blocked me and went totally cold for no apparent reason. It mystified me for years.

Sounds like you have better friends now - this woman sounds a little hinged. Totally ok to block.

I would try to rise above this, but I would be really tempted to send a message to her husband along the lines of:

’Hi Derek. Hope you’re well. I had some odd missed calls and an abusive voicemail the other night - not sure if you’re aware, but your number came up as part of that. I’m considering flagging the voicemail to the police just so it’s on record, but I wanted to check first if Jane is ok as it appears that she’s the connection here and the calls seem like the actions of someone who could be unwell or struggling. Sorry you and the family couldn’t make our wedding - I was really concerned on the day not to see or hear from you, but then saw on social media that you had been busy doing other things so assume that everything is ok your end. As I’m sure you know, these things are costly affairs - if you want to make good, the cost of the four meals for you all was £X and my bank details are (fill in).’

However, I might then not send it if I thought there was any chance her husband was abusive.

I wouldn't bother texting the husband but I would pick up the phone and ring him.
Hopefully he answers and ye catch him on the hop 'had a missed call from you at 1am, all ok?'
I'd be very interested to hear what he comes up with on the spot.
Texting gives people time to think up some BS, answering a call doesn't give the same opportunity (if he answers of course).

My first thought when I read your thread, given the husband's message and the prior behaviour and character of your friend, was that the husband is controlling or something and prevented her from going.

But what do you I know! A school friend of mine cut off our whole circle seemingly out of the blue 🤷

There are definitely people who think if they can’t be bothered to go to something, even though they have agreed, it’s fine to just not bother. Has she been unreliable in the past? I bet she hadn’t even booked a hotel etc, just never got round to it.

She knows she’s in the wrong but it’s probably easier in her mind to make out you were in the wrong in some way and be a dick to you.

Op you've done nothing wrong. Stop wasting your mental energy on her. Just assume that in the time you have not seen her, she has turned into a nasty bitch. It can happen. If she starts mixing with that sort, it can rub off.

You are right to be shocked and upset and I think you are right to block her too after the nasty calls. I would have done the same thing. Keep this thread by some means. Sometimes people like her can escalate a bit and it might be helpful to have a current record of what has gone on.

Forget her. She was nice once and now she's not. You had no way of knowing that when you open handedly invited her. As you go through life, you shed some people. This is one of those times.